17.03.-20.03.2017 – Toulouse

Before starting – a little re-text or pre-info: I will be starting to edit the photos off this trip tonight, so I hope they´ll be done somewhen at the end of the week, beginning of next week. Also I´ll be reviewing and reporting on the great food we had in Toulouse, but this will also take some time, so keep checking in 🙂

An early morning to get to the airport, and I really dislike early mornings as I am never sleeping really well before traveling. It is somehow funny, as traveling is nothing new for me anymore, but probably still excites my brain a tad too much deep inside. Happens, and I am used to this, so I kinda caught up with sleep on the plane as much as I could. It was crazy how sunny it was already up over the clouds, and how warm – gave a first taste of what waited for us in Toulouse. Weather wise at least.

What I did not expect was the fact we needed to go through passport controls. I was really puzzled – and wondered if either Toulouse or Hamburg now isn´t part of the European Union anymore, and that we had set up strict borders with its controls again. I mean seriously, this is getting out of hand. It is nice to protect your country, but like this we´re soon back to old times where you needed a passport to travel. Ancient times feeling, and the fact that there were just like 4 booths with staff made the waiting time long and really pissed me off. If they cannot even handle the amount of ppl coming from one plane, they might want to think about the whole useless system of theirs.

Anyways, we then hopped onto the bus en route of our hotel (review will follow!), and got off a stop too early as the lady at the airport told us the wrong stop…ah well, 21°C, sunshine – it could be worse times to go for a walk, except for the suitcase we had to drag along. The hotel was nice and comfy, so we rested a bit and had a look at the maps we had received to see what we´ll be doing for the “rest” of the day. As there was quite some time left, we started our sightseeing rather early (and also bought a minimum supply of drinks, food and such for the hotel room), checked out some churches and such which I also photographed of course. On our way there we actually figured there was a market close to the Capitole, the main place of the city – full of regional goods, like beers, cheese, breads…really amazing to see and I will clearly be buying something from there!

After we had walked quite a bit, we were too exhausted to really check a lot for restaurants and decided on going to Duck´s Burger (burgers and such with regional duck meat) as this also was kinda on my list of fast food (don´t confuse it with trash food like certain other burger chain restaurants).

Breakfast time at the hotel after a fairly early morning, and first the buffet was not inviting because they were just in need of restocking so it got better pretty quickly. But at first I was annoyed, because having me hungry is not a good idea. Simply because I am used to have meals after certain amount of time due to my weightwatchers planning, and if I don´t get that…uffz. But yeah that was also teh point where I personally said goodbye to my weight watchers points counting because it wouldn´t make any sense for me and just destroy everything if I had to think about it all. And not knowing when I will get food for the next time made me have a massive breakfast, that put me straight into a foodcoma and not into walking mode 😉

But got up my ass anyways, and so the day started with loads of walking as Toulouse is a city where you can reach most things simply by foot – not only really a good thing when the weather is good, but also nicely burns calories and you don´t need to spend money on public transport.

So yeah, this place really has beautiful churches, and that amount of those – such a rather small place and so many of them. I was really stunned, and my feet were also stunned about the amount of walking you easily do in there. And time flew by, really crazy. And I personally never knew what to put on – winter jacket, hoodie, pullover, more of it, less…stressful. And my neck was a bit stiff from a combination of the camera and backpack carrying, as well as from the bed I was not used to. I felt really crippled, so we at some point took a break before we started for a second little round and also decided on grabbing a fresh baguette and some little pastries for the next morning to save on the breakfast and be more relaxed in the morning rather than needing to rush downstairs.

In the evening we then started checking for restaurants and where we could go, but I was so dead (I think I still got a sunburn, slight one, from yesterday and felt dizzy due to not drinking enough and so) and so were my feet, that we grabbed a pizza from a local and close by tiny pizza store. And I had pizza that had guacamole on it – sounds odd, doesn´t it? But it tasted amazing, though somehow odd. Titally didn´t regret the choice, and having food in bed also was quite the way how to end the day- with being lazy and watching winter sports on French TV.

I woke up, exhausted but happy we had decided on rather having baguette with marmelade instead of going downstairs and needing to look all neat and such. My feet weren´t all recovered yet still, kinda crazy. The weather was again not as warm as on Friday again, but still a very comfortable temperature.

But we had quite some stuff to still check out, as many things were also open on Sunday – such as the churches or the water power station. Especially the latter one was really interesting for me, I mean, being close to the water is always been something sweet for me, and accompanied with the little museum they had there, it was really nice. I had to take more breaks from walking, as also my back started hurting again, and again and again…it was really annoying, but my body really showed me how much it was missing my flexibility workouts and my own bed.

In the evening we then were again on the hunt for a restaurant – and this time we did want to go to a proper restaurant with a proper menu. And finding one that was open on this Sunday, and not totally overpriced, nor totally far away, was not easy. But in the end we found a restaurant that wasn´t far away and sounded really good – and also had great reviews on the internet. And to be honest, we were totally not disappointed, it was a great menu for a great price, and it´s been a massive dinner. We kinda rolled back home when we came across this baguette vending machine on the street…and it really couldn´t have been any more clichée than this. Okay, maybe if there had been a cheese and wine vending machine next to it…

Lazy morning as we decided not to go and have breafast at the hotel – rather we´d be sleeping longer and then grab something on the go or so. And this is also what I did at the airport, as I simply am used to have any kind of breakfast. And instead of some sandwich or baguette, I chose some pasta salad – I really had to get something light and everything.

The flight I spent sleeping again – headphones on, and then the flight was mostly done. Luckily. Then rushed to my boyfriend´s place, quick stop to really pack my stuff into my bag, and then go home, do grocery shopping and then finally have a relaxing hot bath. So good to be back home even though it´s been a great trip. my muscles were happy about the hot bath and I was looking forward to some healthy and light meals!

But on the other hand it´s been a weird feeling to be back home, alone, eat alone, not have anyone to talk with, tu curl up next to in bed…

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Always on Sunday (34)

As I have been away on the weekend and just arrived yesterday and had tons to do, I decided onr ather taking more time and publish it today, rather than rushing through it yesterday and writing it without hard and soul. But at the same time I do not wanna spoiler too much from my Toulouse trip, as I will be reporting on it in several upcoming blog posts!

// Done //
– Job interview
– Application writing
– Workouts
– Food shopping
– Travelling to Toulouse and back
– Sightseeing and going out in Toulouse

// Eaten //
– Pizza with guacamole (review will follow)
– Toulouse sausage (review will follow)
– Baguette – loads
– The best chocolate cake ever (review will follow)
– Entrecote (review will follow)
– Duck Burger (review will follow)

// Bought //
– Gâteau à la broche
– Food

// Listened to //
Even though it totally doesn´t match my mood or anything – I listened to Portishead with  “Mourning Air” as I heard it in the background of my fave series and simply needed to google it…

// Watched //
I watched quite some French TV on ski cross and ski freestyle and news and all of this, as it was kinda the most interesting part that you were able to watch on French TV during the time in Toulouse.
Besides this, the usual – my daily soaps, my documentaries…I really need to wtach some movies again in the evening instead of just watching crap TV xD

// Read //
Loads of things about Toulouse and its sights, its traditions, its special foods – especially the latter point was kinda fascinating 😉 But besides, I haven´t touched any kind of book or anything related…

// Played //
Nothing, because I simply didn´t really find the time for it. I need quite some time and the right mood for it, and that simply hadn´t come up unfortunately.
My time was consumed by writing applications and preparing the Toulouse weekend which was a good alternative ^^

// Thought //
How much I suck at keeping secrets in front of my boyfriend and how hard that is. I really had a hard time to keep it a secret where we are going for the weekend trip and in the end hilariously failed xD

// Happy about //
Being away from Hamburg, and having my boyfriend around me, discovering a new city, with new food and new people and everything. I alway enjoyed getting out of town, away from worries and all such – because a new place is a new state of mind, without thinking about what is waiting for me in Hamburg. I can just shrug stuff off when I am away and there is not this dark cloud hanging over me…

// Angry about //
The massive security controls at the airport in Toulouse not only when you enter France7Toulouse, but also when you want to get out of there. It is hilarious to have 2-4 people trying to cope with the amount of poeple from several planes that have landed. This shit really kills my will to return there until they figured out how to organize the whole thing. We´re in the EU, once we had open borders and had no need for such massive passport/ID checks. And now this. Makes me sick and angry.

// Wished for //
…better treatment by recruiters and those where you apply, go to job interviews to…you´re treated as if you were a begger asking for a euro at times, and this just makes me sad because it is just the wrong approach of how to treat people in general. And in the end those people want to find someone new for their team, so yeah…no words left.
Don´t get me wrong – most are really treating you well, but there is always others unfortunately that do things “differently”.

// Dreamt about //
…a lot lately I dreamt about being a tour manager and traveling the world. Maybe I still have a dream for my future, but it´s a hilarious one…

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Movie: Musta Jää / Black Ice

Sometimes there is weird ways how you find out about movies and such, and this one is pretty much the best example. Because I got to know about this movie back when it was released because Apocalyptica´s Eicca Toppinen has been composing the music for it – including the title track called “Black Ice” (what a surprise, right?). Whilst I am totally in love with this album full of beautiful music that partially even made it onto Apocalyptica albums later on, it took me a while until I watched the movie for the first time.

Why? Because it is not that easy to find it legally when you are in Germany, when being located in Finland it is far easier, but anyways. Back then I watched it for the first time and really couldn´t make it in terms of finding a sense of it.

Anyways, before I get into detail in regards of my very own perception and some story telling, here´s the plot:

Saara is a middle-aged doctor who one day finds out that her architect-husband Leo is having an affair with a younger woman, Tuuli. Instead of revealing her true identity, Saara pretends to be someone else and makes friends with Tuuli. At the same time she is planning the best way to revenge her husband and his lover.
Source: IMDB

There seemingly is a totally dubbed German version, yet it really feels wong to have German language whilst the location could not be any less finnish, and the actors are Finnish and it feels simply wrong. So rather go for the Finnish version with English subtitles, it might make you feel less irritated somehow. And make it seem less hilarious, as this movie is anything but hilarious even though it is clearly containing (black) humor. But the main story simply isn´t funny.

Imagine you´re married and think things are going well but…you figure out it isnt´ as your husband cheats on you with a younger girl. You start researching, figure out she is a karate teacher and you get yourself a new identity (aka a new name and everything) and then start doing karate, and befriend her for the sake of getting to know her better so you can possibly find weaknesses and get rid off her. Sounds like a prolongued daily soap, doesn´t it? And to be fair, in many part it really feels like it, especially because it is so easy to foresee what will happen – or it is just me, having watched too many daily soaps so this way of thinking is too common to me. That wouldn´t surprise me either.

Anyways, I personally could never do that because if I knew my partner was cheating, I´d rip out the other woman´s eyes right away. Just being honest here, I dunnot think a “normal” person would invest so much time and effort to backstab that other woman. And totally forget to fight actually for the own husband – I mean, if all you do is investing time in that other bitch, you got no power and time left anymore for the person who in the end decides for one or the other. This whole kinda becomes clear when the woman´s husband dies after he races off, gets off the road and she tells him that since he is okay he can walk back home. Well, shit happens, he froze to death. For people not familiar with Finland and its temperatures in winter it might seem totally over the top, but believe me, this really is possible.

So that guy is gone, the girls start from new and whilst the former wife is rockingher life in the hospital , the other woman notices she is pregnant from the now dead man and due to unnice incidents, she falls down the stairs and is brought to hospital where the wife (working as gynaecologist) needs to take care of her and notices her even though she looks all different with changed hair color and colored contact lenses…

So you can kinda get an idea on the plot as such, but this is just one side of it. The actors and actresses really do well, especially because the two female main characters – so strong and good, thumbs up. The husband kinda…well he seems to be too much in the background, but maybe that is all intended, yet for me it seems somehow unrealistic.

And even though you might now think “oh she is all positive about the music because of that Apocalyptica dude” – let me get this straight. I enjoy this music as such, on the one hand. but on the other hand I also enjoy the music and how it is placed in the movie because I personally always enjoyed instrumentals to build up tension and make emotions and everything just seem/feel even stronger and this just works out perfectly well here.

Conclusion? I am not sure. It has an odd attraction that make me want to watch it again, though I really cannot put a finger on the reasons for that.

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Restaurant: Hoh & Hoh

Actually my boyfriend and I hadn´t planned to be going there that soon, but as our fave asian restaurant had closed down and thus the reservation had been cancelled, we had to look for something else.

And since I insisted on actually wanting something Asian for dinner, my boyfriend had a look and we chose this restaurant as it is rather close to his place. It surely had been awarded by Schlemmerblock and such, but I am not really into these kinds of awards, because they don´t mean a thing to me. It doesn´t mean that their taste is my taste, but I went there with an open mind and – I was not disappointed.

we were welcome with some plum liqueur and that one really was tasty. Like, seriously. And that comes from me, someone who rarely drinks alcohol anymore. It was a nice small treat for the start, and the service was charming and humorous all along during the evening.

The menue is one where some poeple would say “ooh typical Asian” but it really has its perks to say the least.

I ordered crispy duck with beef (right in image), and this was so amazingly tasting, also because the sauce that I was given added a nice extra flavor to it without really killing the taste of the meat itself and the veggies. Amazing. Oh and they serve rice alongside the dishes, so it´s not just the meat. My boyfriend had ordered the left one on the photo and it was some kind of chickne with a sweet-spicy sauce – and man this sauce, totally in love with this one! So those two dishes clearly receive not just one thumb up but even all that you can find!

A last liqueur when paying, some joking whilst paying – I really felt comfortable there, really welcome, a warm athmosphere and in the interior design of the restaurant was also really looking nice.

Conclusion? Clearly a “go there!” and probably our new choice in terms of Asian restaurants as our fave one closed down.

Fahrenort 125
22547 Hamburg


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Day X+201-203 – Packing countdown

14.03.2017 – Day X+201
It was  late morning because yesterday had been a longer day, and I just couldn´t really out of bed at all. Happens at times. Slow morning, smoothie for breakfast at least to save some weight watchers points as I ad been eating at nighttime still…I am really struggling with my point budget, and the scale had shown that this morning and I nearly fell off my scale because of a shock…I hope this isn´t really happening…gaining 2kg in a week would be a “tad” too much o.O In the afternoon went for a long walk to burn a couple of calories…still didn´t move enough to make up for everything that I had as food…

15.03.2017 – Day X+202
You know those days where you wake up and you´re already grumpy? Yep, today´s been such a day and I really didn´t even try to deny that. No motivation, not feeling well, all tired and just wanted to curl up in bed even though the sun was shining. So I went out for a little walk and on purpose left my phone home because then I simply couldn´t permanently check emails for all of my job applications. DRives me crazy, and my body reacts to that aswell…

16.03.2017 – Day X+203
Got up, showered, crammed all of my things into a bag so that this was already ready prepared – even before I did have breakfast and then prepared for my job interview. Then I had my job interview, rushed there, had the talk – really, I stopped guessing how it went in the end – rushed back home, finalized stuff and then went to my boyfriend´s place.

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Selling myself

Whilst writing this, I am sitting at my desk crying (well, when I was writing this entry). After yet another day where I´ve been writing application letters. Where I have spent hours on research, writing, rephrasing, trying to sell myself like store personnel is trying to sell their meat, clothes and other shit. And I try to sell myself, my skills, my personality and me as a “full package”.

I am doing/trying this since middle of September last year. This week I´ve written application number 50+ – because I have stopped counting. Around 35% of the companies receiving my applications want to talk to me, or have already had conducted one or more job interviews with me. And somehow still decided against me in the very end. Is it because I am a young female trying to work in the IT business? Is it because I am no fucking programmer or tech nerd and still want to be a project manager for projects with a technical background? Never mind me having certificates for agile project management and am a certified project management associate. Never mind that I am young, flexible and I want to really put my passion into my new job, I want to work with full force and full heart because I either give more than a 100% or don´t even start things.

As one company once wrote me, when saying they don´t want me in the end – “It is a joy to see with how much passion you talk about project management and how you would live such a position”. And yet I am not enough. Yet I am not worth a shot, not worth investing maybe some time or so to give me the skills I am still lacking. Why is noone thinkig that I would be worth giving a shot though people see I burn for my job?

When I started writing applications back then, I was  – after the initial shock of being dismissed – self-confident and thought I´d kick ass pretty soon again in a new job because people would see that they need me. Months have passed by and this faded, doubts and fears replaced all the confidence I had. I know I´ve never been a champion at selling myself, as I have never been someone who wanted or intended to stand in the spotlight. I was an am happy to be the one pulling the strings in the background, making things work. I´ve always been the first one to question my progress, my work in order to improve. I always was and am loving to learn new things and dig deep, even if it means extra hours or whatnot. It´s essential for me, and I am not afraid to go into topics I have never touched before – I´ve done this so many times, I love exactly these challenges.

I always think that when I hear myself talking about stuff and others talking about me, that I should be an amazing candidate for jobs. I am flexible, I wanna learn, I have some experience and not only in the field of project management, I am totally open minded and communicative, I speak English fluently, I am polite, I am young…I just cannot understand why noone wants to give me a chance. They can kick me out after a while if they don´t think I´d fit for whatever reasons – but companies don´t even let me prove my skills and what I am capable of. I hate talking about me like you talk about godesses or shit like that, that´s simply not me.

I don´t get it. I don´t have the power anymore to fight – every application I send feels like…another step clother to the edge that is another “no” and results in even more downfalls. I wonder how long it´ll take until I deny my own skills and don´t believe in myself anymore at all…

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Day X+197-200 – Spring rolls in!

10.03.2017 – Day X+197
It was 5.30am when I got up, got dressed and then shortly before 6am left the house with my backpack full of sports clothing, water, a banane for the ride to the fitness studio (aka my pole/hoop studio)  and a bread for after the workout. Yes, you red it correctly. Workout. Sports. And that at 7am. Hell on earth time wise. And this workout really kills you. I have probably never been that exhausted after workout during the past years as I have been this morning. I was dead, but nevertheless did some quick food shopping and then went home and jumped into a hot bath. My muscles really needed this, but afterwards it was tough to get out again as my muscles were so badly stiff…kinda hilarious xD
In the evening my boyfriend then came around and we watched the last part of Pirates of the Caribbean and had some nice food 😀

11.03.2017 – Day X+198
After my boyfriend had left, I did…mostly a lazy day. Except for my stretching and flexibility work because this is something I need to do on a daily basis. And it really eased the pain coming from my stiff muscles, but the effect didn´t last too long so I decided to do another step and hopped into a hot bath again. I really don´t wanna see my water bill :/
In the evening I then worked again on sightseeing stuff and restaurant ideas for the weekend trip…going well though it´s quite a bit. At some point I was simply annoyed about everything and too lazy to do anything and then went to bed…good end of a lazy day to have my body recover.

12.03.2017 – Day X+199
Woke up from the rays of sun entering my apartment and quickly had some yoghurt, cereals and strawberries before I went for a long walk – the sunshine was just so inviting, only the wind (cold!) was pretty annoying, but that didn´t stop me. Afterwards it was all about writing application letters, my flexibility workout and finishing off some plans for the weekend trip.
And having noticed that I should´ve informed the job agency about my plans before booking. I really hope it will be okay and I get the ok tomorrow when I am gonna call them…that already freaks me out again and my stress is back. Says my skin.

13.03.2017 – Day X+200
Okay, I admit, this photo does not reflect my actual food today but I didn´t take any photos of it for a change…happens at times ^^ Got up early as I couldn´t sleep anymore since I had the fear in my head that the job agency might reject my “vacation request” but it all went fine, no problems there at all when I called them. Also I got another job interview in, this time for this Thursday even…busy times ahead 😉
Also I went for food shopping and was amazed how hilarious people are buying food – ripe bananas, still looking good and stuff – noone wants them, so they sell like 12 bananas for 79 cents. Perfect match as I needed ripe ones to bake my banana bread for the first time – if it is good, I will do that more often and try different recipes as there is tons of them floating around on the internet…

Posted in Germany/Deutschland, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Always on Sunday (33)

Alrighty, Sunday, in the best sense of the word – a sunny day, and having returned from a nice walk, I just sat down to write this entry – and here you go now!

// Done //
– A long walk (in the sunshine, feels soooooo good)
– A lot of sports (I am sooooo done)
– Application writing (you gotta love it…)
– Searching for a good cooking course (and becoming desperate)
– Cleaning, laundry, dishes, the usual (necessary evil)

// Eaten //
– Pizza
– Protein bars
– Loads of fruits
– Much shirataki noodles & spicy food in general

// Bought //
– Food (1 week = 20€)
– Pizza
– Protein bars
– Price reduced shoes
– 2 pinboards
– Mobile phone case
– First strawberries of the year ❤

// Listened to //
– Apocalyptica
– Sunrise Avenue
…all finnish musicians 😉

// Watched //
“Alles was zählt” – part 2641 already and I haven´t missed a single one, and really always need to catch up when having missed out on one episode. It is my way of fleeing from reality at least for a tiny bit xD

“Animal babies in Berlin Zoo” – watched this on Amazon Prime for breakfast on saturday together with my boyfriend…so cute – baby elephants and baby tigers and all this…all so heartwarming and I couldn´t get out of “aaaah” and “sooo cuuute”…

“Pirates of the Caribbean – On Stranger Tides” because my boyfriend hadn´t seen it yet and as the next PotC part is coming closer and I wanna watch it in the movies, it was good to have it on DVD. Not that I would´ve watched it already zillions of times and could talk along with the lines…

“Die Kochprofis  – Das Ristorante Bonaparte steht vor dem Aus” – sometimes it makes me wonder why people built a restaurant in an industrial area…I mean, what do they expect? There is noone coming there just for the food, let´s be totally realistic. Especially in the evening there is no single reason why anyone would go there, as there is no people working there anymore. Plus, why do not people then at least offer something outstanding and not the average menue…hopeless case for my taste.

// Read //
I read this article about children in Syria a while ago, and it covers the stress and stress symptoms that they show and how toxic stress shows and affects the children. And this topic is making things so…terrible to bear. I mean, these kids are so traumatized, and stressed out that even if from this second on there would be no war, no bombs, the symptom of this toxic stress would remain. And mostly remain for their whole lives – if it doesn´t leave bodily problems, then there is those struggles of the mind. Not any less bad and severe.

And then you have those assholes from safe countries where you hear “oh those young men, why don´t they stay, they should fight”. How can people just not imagine how this feels like. We freak out when we have a terror attack in some city of the country and those children live right in this hell. And…it hurts to read, and it hurts to face these facts and I so wish

// Played //
The same as usual, Stardeaw Valley again just as Planet Coaster – and I really don´t need anything else, still a lot to play with those 😉

// Thought //
That I am soon 6 months unenmployed. Sure, I did my 3 months school and certification course but nevertheless it makes you feel like this. Like a weak and unwanted part of the society and it is sad that people still need to feel like this or rather are made feel like this. It was always hard for me to understand how people like me feel when they´re unemployed for a while, but now I do. Unfortunately, I could really do without this experience as it makes it tougher and tougher for myself to really sell myself in application letters and job interviews. Because you´re always told you were not good enough for the the position you applied to, and if you heard that so often, at some point you start believing this.

// Happy about //
Cannot wait for the weekend trip and it just makes me happy to be planning everything even though it is sooo dfficult to not give my boyfriend too many hints that he figures out where he is going…so many sublime questions that kinda aim at me giving unplanned hints…but nope, so far I didn´t say anything and that makes me even happier. Also the fact that we will be away from daily business, away from Hamburg and just the two of us really is something I am looking forward to. Just the thoughts make me happy 😀

// Angry about //
People who always need to give their opinion on stuff. Someone commented on THIS VIDEO how there was physical and mental violence in this videos because of how the dad treats his kid and what not. And I really do NOT understand why on earth people judge. What reason do they have? None. They see a single video of a couple of minutes, they have no idea what had been going on before and what happened before and have no idea what the overall situation is been like. And alright, yes I also have an opinion on the whole matter- not the video itself (except the fact the dad should´ve simply locked the door, so noone could interrupt his interview, easiest way) but the whole “thing”.

I have no kids, and therefore no real experience in how to treat kids. I know that nowadays it is cruel to even look unhappily at a kid and it might be traumatized afterwards and what not. This is hilarious and from a certain age on, even a child can clearly understand a “no” and has to understand it and needs to be told and experience consequences of his/her acting. This is, for my taste, normal and essential when it comes to educate a kid and make it a proper and not useless part of our society. You do not need to be always the oh so gentle and everything person, but do not get me wrong – I am not okay with people beating their kids or whatnot, but it sickens me how nowadays it is psychological voilence if you push a kid away without looking at it. Come on people, in which softie world do you live? Face reality, this is not how things work, nor how life works.

// Wished for //
I really don´t know, more motivation to go outside and move more and…I don´t know. I maybe wished for a more positive attitude and more positive thoughts in regards of my job search. But this is all stuff I can change myself…I just need to do it. Somehow.

// Dreamt about //
Eating a full boy of sweets 😄 Currently all I can think about is sweets, so no surprise I even dreamt about it ;))

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Day X+194-196 – Back to routine

07.03.2017 – Day X+194And with routine was meant: application writing and job interviews. The latter one I did today, the final talk before a final decison I suppose and I really have no idea how they are going to decide. The job includes a lot of technical tasks for the project manager, and as I never did those – or most of them- before, it is hard to judge…Afterwards spent a really nice evening with my boyfriend, it´s always like an oasis of warmth, relaxation and everything…so good…

08.03.2017 – Day X+195
Woke up early as my boyfriend had to get to work of course, so I right away joined him in leaving the house and made my way to the substitute skin doctor to grab a pack of anti-allergic pills then. What a hassle, cost me so much time but at least I am having those now. Also in the afternoon I searched for some more jobs, and also did sightseeing planning. At least a bit, because mostly I ended up cleaning my bathroom and also finally touched my cello again. What a feeling, especially since I managed to play some parts of “The Unforgiven” still 😀

09.03.2017 – Day X+196
Woke up, and I was rather fit. Didn´t last long, but that´s another story 😉 I did my grocery shopping for the coming week and again stayed nearly in my 15€ budget – but bought a pair of shoes because they were on sale and were price reduced by 75%. I paid 14€ for a great pair or sneakers, amazing catch! Afterwards I quickly bought two pinboards so that I was finally able to get my photo and press passes to the wall. Just took me nearly 3 years to get this done, shame on me. really.
And then there was a struggle – what to have for dinner. I had lost some weight, felt good and everything but at the same time was sick and tired of healthy stuff. So, and I gotta say it was a guilty pleasure, ordered a pizza. No such food anymore for the rest of the month now. Also not during out weekend trip. Or I need to move my ass more…After having written this up, I still plan on somehow getting my steps all done. This is the first goal for me every day.

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Bucket List #4 – Color your nails each in a different color

You might be surprised that it took me quite a while to actually get this bcket list point done – but having had job interviews nevery week at least once, it´s kinda been hard to really do it. I mean, I wouldn´t want to go to any kind of important appointment having nails that make me look like a clown or total freak…Sure it would show my personality somehow, but I am not entirely sure if that would really make others really appreciate me and take my work serious…

But now as I have a week without interviews, I was finally able to go for it – and here is the proof of it:

The bad thing is I need to get rid off it again once I gotta look professional again with job interviews and everything – even though I love my nails being oh so colorful and if I could I woul clearly run around like this for most of the time. Also just to confuse and irritate people hahahah

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Videos: Apocalyptica – 01.03.2017 – London

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Day X+188-193 – Hello spring!

01.03.2017 – Day X+188
London and Apocalyptica. Quite a perfect start into the month, well, nearly – I missed my boyfriend somehow, really. But it was  an amazing trip anyways even though it had also its downs and everything. But it really was like pressing the button from stressed to totally back to acting normally. I felt the weight drop off my shoulders and that really was what I hoped what would happen during this trip.

02.03.2017 – Day X+189
Fully exhausted back home at like 11am, and all I did was eating, watching TV, passing out on the bed and a hot bath to really relax all the muscles and such…I really had to relax and try to recover as much as possible because the trip was really exhausting that I was even not able to cook and instead ordered a pizza…and it was soooo good!

03.03.2017 – Day X+190
As my arm still was painful, no workout in the morning for me unfortunately which really made me sad because I had been looking forward to it. Instead I was resting, and doing grocery shopping because my fridge was rather empty – after I did a meal plan for a week in order to be just buying what I really need and not have any excess food at home that might turn bad. maybe that´s how to save money. And in the afternoon I headed to pick up my boyfriend and we went out for dinner to an Asian restaurant – a review will of course follow!

04.03.2017 – Day X+191
A really late getting up, breakfast in bed and all of this together with my boyfriend – finally it´s about catching up all the things for which I did not have any time thanks to all the stuff with the project management course. It´s really felt like recharging the batteries, and that´s been necessary. The rest of the day I spent with some stretching, but mostly playing games and watching TV. Lazy day for the win!

05.03.2017 – Day X+192
Woke up feeling as if I had been fighting against the bed and not as if I had spent the night with sleeping – what a fail. But luckily it´s not like I would need to get up early the next days, so…wish it was different, but no can do. Tomorrow the application marathon starts again. Anyways, went for a first short run and man what a hassle – I need to work on that again, really. What else I did? TV, cooking and playing games. I enjoy doing nothing before I gotta kick ass again.

06.03.2017 – Day X+193
Finally brought away some bottles and such, before trying to get in touch with my doctor who again is not there so I will need to try and find someone else to prescribe me my anti-allergic pills. let´s see. It can only get better.
Also I did some bookings for a weekend trip with my boyfriend – as we did it with blindbooking by Eurowings, only I (as I booked it) know the destination and will keep this a secret for a while – so I spent quite some time with booking the hotel and having a first look onto sightseeing and such before I started digging for jobs again on the internet as this struggle starts now again.
Lateron it´s been a little bit of flexibility workout and abs workout, dinner, and the usual I´d say 😉

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Always on Sunday (32)

Crazy week…really. So much going on, so much happening, so much adrenaline in my body and stress and happiness and emotions and…you get what I mean 😉

// Done //
– Did my written and oral exams and finished the project management course as I passed all exams
– Flew to London to see Apocalyptica and got a meet and greet for free
– Spent more than 24h awake in a row
– Went out for dinner with my boyfriend
– Finally slept again without nightmares
– Tidied up my apartment from the whole mess that I had created during the learning phase
– Played computer games without feeling guilty
– Started my challenge of working on getting into a split (nice dream, I know xD)

// Eaten //
– A pizza from Smiley´s with pine-apple, salmonand corn
– Sweets
– Asian food (duck)
– Loads of unhealthy stuff in London
– Too many sweets

// Bought //
– Food (1 week = 15€ – another challenge)
– Public transport in London
– Food and drink in London
– Yoga blocks for my split challenge

// Listened to //
Apocalyptica. And only this. Especially “Welcome Home sanitarium” and “Sad but true” as I really love these songs and even more fell in love with them during the recent Apocalyptica tour.

// Watched //

“Alles was zählt” – a German daily soap of which I have not missed a single one throughout all the years it is already running

“Chef´s table” – As there is finally a new episode on Netflix, my boyfriend and I watched it together (I do not have Netflix anymore, it was a first step to saving money…)

“Kitchen Impossible” is gonna be on tonight again, so I will clearly be watching it – as usual, it´s become some habit for me as I am totally in love with any shows that are related to cooking – especially when it comes to the competition between two amazing chefs, battling each other with sending them to different countries to prepare dishes that they only were able to taste…

“Die Kochprofis” – another TV series about stuff relatd to cooking, but it´s about a team of great chefs helping out other “chefs” that struggle with their restaurants and businesses – and to be honest, sometimes I really wonder how on earth people could even open a restaurant with even less skills and knowledge than I have…And how can they offer people a food that…don´t get me started on this, it is crazy how un-intelligent some people are. Surely there are also those chefs where the food is not the issues, but in the latest episode…I cannot stop shaking my head.

// Read //
To be honest – nothing yet. I am planning on continuing reading some of my books, because this is really what I have totally neglected as my course really killed my joy of reading at all.  I have so many unread books piling up next to my bed, and that is going on for ages already – I do not know why I am not reading as much as I did before, even though that already started before the time I lost my job.

// Played //
Planet Coaster – it´s all about setting up an amusement park with all its rides and shops and everything…and you can even create your own rollercoaster rides with all its loops and such 😀 Clearly something that makes one addicted!

// Thought //
I shut down my brain right after my exams on Monday were finished 😉 Kidding aside, I thought it´s simply great how it feels to not be stressed out anymore and how it feels like to feel again and not to be acing like a robot anymore.

// Happy about //
That I decided to go to London and that my boyfriend was totally okay with this and even was happy for me that I was able to go there. Because that was really important for me, as my boyfriend has put up with me all the past weeks without killing me – and that must have been quite a challenge with my mood swings and being permanently stressed…

// Angry about //
This piece of shit apartment in London that was full of mold, and you know, then afterwards the host is like “yeah we do fight this with some chemicals and stuff” and I just sit there, reading this, and think like “okay, dude, because you are not able to maintain the apartment and live in a house where windows do not close properly and such, chemicals will not do the trick”…so hilarious in a negative way, no words left for this, really.

// Wished for //
The audience in London to be more enthusiastic and not just staying all seated and lame and such…that was so disappointing, really because I had expected quite a lot due to prior experience but also what I always had heard about the audiences there…total let down.

// Dreamt about //
Loads of traveling related things, of being to weird places that I had never been to before and could never get out there again because of cancelled flights, trains and whatnot…

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