20-21-22-23.09.2012 Hamburg Metal Dayz (English only. Deutsche Version kommt noch)

20. September
The first day of an event usually tends to be a little chaotic and a challenge in many parts. So it also had been for myself, needing to really arrange and come up with a lot when it comes to my VIP check in and also the ticket sales that were supposed to happen during the evening. But once this was arranged, I felt better again, though my nerves were kinda thin due to many reasons. But you know, no matter what happened, I just felt strangely happy – a happiness I had nearly forgotten about. I was around many people, got to see and meet new people, was doing something I really enjoyed and was able to really see how everyone of the team was just needed in this puzzle that created this event there. When I was checking into the hotel, I was seriously stunned. Firstly, I ended up having a double room for myself. Secondly, the room itself. Wow. First thing I did was taking a really long shower under this tropical-rain shower thingy. Heaven.

21. September
I woke up feeling all done – I had spent the night with fighting against the water bed, and with painkillers against my knee problems. And once my knee hadn´t been hurting, I started feeling stomach sick due to the painkillers – therefore it really hadn´t been the most pleasant night and I was dead tired. The breakfast made up for that a bit, though I really am no breakfast person, but I had to eat due to the huge amount of food that I was able to choose from. Work on that day went of course smoother than on the first day, many things turned into some routine which was good. And I was more and more able to get rid of my perfectionism (after having been told to just relax, not worry too much about little mistakes and to not be too hard on myself for several times the day before) and relax and just enjoy the working time. Sure, it stayed stressful at times and surely there have been problems and mistakes, but those happen. I was really looking forward to that awesome hot shower again, and to my bed – I was so tired that I was really falling asleep fast for a change.

22. September
Woke up with a smile on my face again, I had slept so incredibly well now on this water bed, stunning. There is no better bed than this, for real. No neck pain, no pain in my shoulders, nothing. I felt like reborn. Breakfast and everything felt good, I could really get used to this amount of choices for breakfast. Like in heaven. Then it was working time again, the last day. And this day somehow passed by rather fast the later it actually got; the start felt really slow, but it seemed to speed up. No matter how down and stressed out I felt at times, there was always someone making me smile, and it was an honest smile that I then had on my face, not a fake one.
And well, I also saw one of my work colleagues on stage for the first time – and I was, er, speechless. Also when I saw him at the catering where I had planned to fastly get some food, then saw his stage-character and immediately forgot what I wanted to do. Kinda funny now that I look back, at that moment I was highly irritated though 😉 A pity I wasn´t fully in the mood for that kind of music back then, but I really gotta go and watch the band again.
We worked longer than usual after the end of the event to get all stuff done, and then it was the laid back time than made me smile and laugh. Was a longer night, but surely one that I had needed. This event made me smile so much, made me wake up with a smile and made me go to bed with a smile. No words can describe how much this meant to me.

23. September
…and then it was over. Totally done and slightly hungover I went to have breakfast, enjoying it for a last time. Then we drove back to Dörpstedt, all dead tired. I was feeling empty, happy, tired and hyper at the same time, it was really odd, I don´t have this state of mind that often. Once we had arrived there at around lunchtime, I slowly started unpacking my bag again. I realized: yes, I am back in Dörpstedt again. The mood dropped. And I immediately started trying to keep myself busy, not letting me mourn about my friend´s death though doing exactly this had been my plan – to really feel the pain and let the wound heal. Instead I was running away from it, again.

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