Shadowmakers? No more!

Photo taken by my friend

You choke out the light like a cloud hanging over me
You’re dragging me down with your suicidal symphony
Shadow maker
[Apocalyptica – “Shadowmaker”]

I am starting off with this quote from the song, as it´s become a really important song to me during my time in the US, smply because I found a deep connection to this song, and to every word in it. And for many more reasons, the word “shadowmaker” has been a term that I used a lot during the past half a year. Don´t get it wrong, for me it is no depressing song, it is a song of motivation for me in some strange way.

Anyways, Apocalyptica ame to Hamburg on October 3rd, and of course I had to be there. But first I met up with a good friend of mine, who I met through the band like 7 years ago. We had a lovely time at Vapiano (restaurant) and then went to some signing session of the band at Saturn. I was surprised how few people actually showed up, and also surprised that singer Franky was not there, but no can do. The signing session had been advertised to be also coming with some little acoustic session, but that didn´t happen – I don´t know why, but it was not much of a disappointment for me anways.

It was sweet to see the guys again, and I can say that realizing that people are happy to see me still makes me all fuzzy and warm inside. Especially with these guys. It partially felt like…coming home in some sense. I was immediately calm, and it just felt good to be chatting a little, handing over some good news and looking in a relieved face of someone who´s not only someone who gave me inspiration for the past ten years, but also so much hope, strength and who believed in me and kept on telling me that every fucking time (no, I am not getting emotional here whilst typing this…where´s some tissues?). But – no more details for you ^^ If you´re eligible for details, you will get them anyways…

Then after the session, we headed to the venue that was not yet that packed, so we got a nice spot on the right side (yes, it is “my” side for so many years already) on some higher part so even little me had an amazing view on the stage – and the people on stage on me, as I figured pretty fast. It is not surprising me anymore that some of the guys search for me in the crowd, but somehow this time it felt…different. There´s been a lot of little gestures towards me, and that made me terribly emotional. I knew I was gonna be emotional but did not expect it to be that much.

Especially with some of the songs they played – I mean, I was happy to not hear “Nothing else matters” because I had to handle painful memories connected to this song for the past around 27 out of 28 shows I´ve seen of them. And it didn´t come. It wasn´t played. Instead (for me it is a “instead”) they played “Hope Vol2” – which did not kill me as much as the other song would, but also really cracked me – especially because I really did not expect that song to be played. And during the first tunes I was like “okay, really?”. Aaaaand there came the tears. Like so often during that show. I felt like I was a permanently halfway sobbing mess. But a happy emotional mess. It felt really good to see all this power on stage again, and I just love Franky´s vocals – I never guessed I´d be saying this, but this man really kills it and is THE perfect match for Apocalyptica. I really hope that he´ll be staying much longer with the band.

After the show, I ran into one of the guys and had a quick chat before my friend and I nearly went home because of massive stomach pains I had – those faded, and so we went for a drink in one of the bars close to the venue. It was the perfect way how to end this evening, before I started my way home. Still had to pack some last things for my trip on Saturday, shower, bed – and it was already 2am then…

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