Day X+26 & 27 – New computer, and busy me

I am busy as hell and somehow I am not feeling healthy at all, and it all just makes me feel terribly tired and worn out somehow. It started already a few days ago that this feeling creeped up onto me, but today (x+27) I feel it with full power. But in the evening I gotta go and photograph some little show (couple of bands, tiny venue, probably shitty light), tomorrow resting…more or less.

I had to get up early because I had an early job interview, which felt nice but in the end I am sure they´ll not take me as I have not worked in an agency before. This feels like the curse for me – having worked with a gaming team is totally not an achievement and is like “yeah, nice, you don´t fit in here” somehow. Talking about this, I also got declined for another job as I was being called right after the job interview.

Not so successful day today so far, I really hope that once I am going to that small festival/concert things will get better – after having soon hopefully installed most of the programmes on my new computer that I need. Still quite some to come, but photoshop now has been the most important one and this is in progress when it comes to installation. And I really need to learn a lot now. I mean, having an up to date version makes me want to learn again and improve skills and such…and there is much space for improvement 😀

So whilst I today feel rather stomach sick (woke up feeling shitty and this didn´t make it any better somehow, maybe nervousity), yesterday (x+26) and the past days I felt like permanently eating and eating and have I mentioned eating? Maybe it is the switch from summer weather to rainy and grey and disgusting auutmn weather that makes me think about food only…lord knows. I just hope it is passing soon, because I am not keen on risking my weightloss process.

In the evening my boyfriend assembled my computer to the final pieces and we installed the first programmes and wuhuuuuuuu. New computer, and shit that thing is fast as hell o.O Amazing but creepy at the very same time right now. And then just relaxing and everything, turn off the mind, and desperately trying to just not worry about the job situation. Because it really starts getting me. I am counting down to October 1st where I will become officially unemployed, and I dread this day like no other. Every day that goes by where no “yes” happens, I feel like I become more and more useless to…everyone and everything. It is bullshit, I know when being rational, but my heart and brain being rational is lately not really working, unfortunately.



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