Day X+43/44/45/46 – No need to talk

Day X+43 (07.10.2016)
My first appointment at the job agency, with positive and negative sides. I like the person that is tackling with me the project called “my future”, and I was shown options what I could do and everything. So I am glad I have someone supporting me instead of being a useless prick (yes, I know cases like this).

Afterwards I went to my boyfriend´s place, turning the mind of talking and laughing and enjoying the time together. It is what makes me feel completely, it is my safe bubble…

Day X+44 (08.10.2016)
I spent half a day at my boyfriend´s place and afterwards…I did pretty much nothing, escept for freaking out about my phone not charging properly at first (now it is back to normal, luckily), doing quick food shopping and doing quick cooking without any spices.

Last evening´s dinner had been spicy enough to cover a few days, and my stomach really didn´t approve this. But oddly enough, my stomach is somehow bitchy and making problems anyways, maybe I am just permanently stressed out a lot. or easily stressed out, I guess that could be the case. Many questions are roaming in my head and many doubts and worries and wondering how my path will be looking like for the next months.

Day X+45 (09.10.2016)
I woke up to the sound of rain, and already my mood dropped. Immediately it felt like dark clouds were hovering over my head, hello first signs of depression once again. So basically I really had to force myself to get things done – I mean, I was keeping myself busy with washing dishes, doing laundry, tidying up but it really didn´t feel like a success at all.

And I really didn´t even feel like touching my sewing machine or anything, I am lacking power. And since it was drizzling and raining the whole day, I also couldn´t go for a walk which made things even worse – because fresh air and moving more would probably help- maybe. I really don´t know. Like I feel I don´t know anything…

Day X+46 (10.10.2016)
Another job interview and all the thoughts and feelings that come with it, even though it gets harder to smile and harder to be myself because I start feeling a bit burned out and I have only one wish…stay in bed for a full day, but looking at what is still to come this week, I can totally forget about this. And that makes me feel even worse. Ah well, gotta get through this somehow…


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