Always on Sunday (14)

 

Futsal: Germany vs England (5:3)

Wow, this week even on Sunday – man, I am improving! At least I am trying after this week, even though I somehow don´t really feel communicative beecause  I am very much stuck deep into thoughts and battle against anxieties, even though the major stress factors have vanished / problems were solved and I could actually relax and feel better again. Instead it feels like my body has found it a good idea to struggle with health and my mind comes up with massive worries and other bullshit that is a bitch…

Oh and Eurowings (and thus also germanwings, who do the flight to Paris on coming Thursday) have been on strike and might do the same the coming week is not really improving the whole situation of horror/worst case scenarios and all this stuff…

But today´s first match of the futsal national team (the German one of course) cheered me up a load – watching sports live hasn´t felt that good for quite a while 😀



// Listened to //
Actually, I always posted the bands that I listened to the most but just right now I opened Spotify and listened to one of their pre-set playlists and stumbled over The Rasmus.
And their first album, published 2003 in Germany. And with this album I connect quite a bit – because I received it on the day or the day after when I had my wisdom teeth removed and it made me forget all the pain that the surgery brought along…
Already then I loved the song called “Funeral Song” – I´ve always been a sucker for melancholic sounds, this song makes no exception there. Have a listen **here**

// Done // Sewing! Including stepping on a needle and killing my foot, same goes for my finger who met a needle aswell – don´t ask, I am just a clumsy fool. Nothing new I guess 😉 Also, I did annoying paper work for all of the job agency related things, but this is over now, finally. Also, I went to see the first match og the German national futsal team just today – I missed watching futsal quite a bit, to say the least!

// Eaten // Partially too much but in generally I think I did the switch back to eating more healthy and more controlled, but that still didn´t result in any weightloss, not even the slightest…

// Thought // I thought about really needing to get back to doing more sports, and I need a new gym that is not far off, not totally shabby but still affordable for me. And this combination clearly is a huge challenge, but I love challenges so much…nope, not anymore…

// Happy about // The struggle with the job agency is over, no blocking period for my unemployment benefits apply in the end, and also I decided on doing the project management course instead of continuing my job search until end of February. Also, all paper work is done, so I feel so much mire free and relieved now…

// Read // A lot about sewing, instructions on my sewing machine and which stitches to use and how to do things and this and that and also a lot on Facebook groups on sewing and issues and tipps and tricks…I really feel like I wanna dig into this, even though I really suck at reading instructions and rather watch Youtube-Tutorials – but those are unfortunately not available for everything…

// Angry about // Me being so insecure in many things. Often, or at leats in this one case, I connect new/different than before with danger. And I really feel like not being able to fix this or have an idea how to get rid off this insecurity. Lately surely most changes were negative but I cannot rund around with this attitude and fear that change brings something negative forever…

// Wished for // Weightloss. I hate stagnation and it makes me frustrated and brings me close to giving up. I try to eat healthy and give up on so many nice things food-related, and try to work out and everything but…nothing happens. 😦

// Dreamt about // I´ve still been followed by mostly nightmares and odd dreams that really make no sense and rather make me wake up puzzled, confused and anxious and with even more doubts and negativity on my mind than when I had gone to bed the evening before.
But what I dream of is me being positive again, the person that I had been before my dismissal – the person with a positive attitude, an attitude where there was no problems but challenges that needed to just be tackled…I dream about being able to be happy for others and their achievements…

// Bought // Fabrics for sewing and necessary things also for sewing…it is quite some money you gotta invest, but that´s how it rolls. And even though I am not hyper talented, it already makes me happy to be sewing and to see that things actually do work out rather quickly. And I cannot wait for the fabrics to arrive so that I can start working on the dress – my first big project. Yes, a simple dress is a freakin´ huge project for me…

// Clicked // Probably tons of online stores for sewing materials, but the Polish store “Dresowka” probably will become my fave one, if the material I ordered is having a good quality. At least everyone on the facebok groups is recommending it, so I cannot get totally screwed 😉

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