Always on Sunday (25)

I changed the structure of the blog post a bit, to make the list of headlines seem more matching when it comes to the order…so don´t be surprised if you don´t read it the way it had been before 😉
Also, I again added the “Watched” section, maybe I will manage to finally share more videos, series, movie tips now xD

// Done // I went to do my classes again and it´s been exhausting but quite nice anyways because I got along with MS Project rather well and my gantt chart and stuff turned out really well on the first try so I had time to also focus a tad on learning and preparing for my job interview that I had on Friday. Also I went to the Hoop playtime and that was quite successful, but my class on Friday wasn´t because I felt weak and my stomach had been rebelling for a while already so I dropped out after half an hour, which was really upsetting me because I sense my sick perfectionism crawling up upon me again…

// Eaten //  I think the week´s highlight was the selfmade pizza last evening – I was really craving pizza but because of the before had stomach issues and the fat-ness of the pizzas you can order my boyfriend and I decided on making it ourselves again, with less fat, less cheese but jut as delicious as always. Generally I have looked out to eat a lot with proteins because of doing more sports than usual again, so I kinda focussed on eggs…because I love eggs…

// Bought //  Some gymnastic bands to work on my flexibility, a powerbank for my phone which I still need to pick up at the post point somewhen during the coming week and that´s it pretty much once you´re not counting in all the normal food things and such…oh no wait, concert tickets – one for Franky Perez being the singer for some obviously famous dude/guitarist I had to google and my ticket for the medieval market in Hamburg again…

// Listened to //  Franky Perez & The Truth – “Dirty Finger” at some morning show thingy, and it is funny how many of those he already did around there over the past years…so much stuff you can find on Youtube…

// Watched //  I came across this video on Facebook, and to be fair, it was on a day where I was not too bright mooded – and it immediately made my day, really. I had never hard the sounds a penguin makes when being tickled…and hell this is so adorable, check it out yourself!

// Read //  I am not reading many articles online nowadays as I am busy reading for my project management course, but I read “No One Brings Flowers When Your Brain Gets Sick” on To Write Love On Her Arms. Often I still realize that a physical illness is when people immediately understand, and treat you well and do everything for you, send you get well wishes and everything. It´s not like it matters, but it´s not quite that common when you struggle with mental problems. If I am depressed, noone sends me flowers, a get well card, many (and no, not all, I have very caring people around me who give their best to get me feeling better) even think it´s all just a made up excuse for being lazy or whatnot.

You talk about physical illness everywhere – oh I have this and that. But how many dare to openly talk about being depressed or anything like this? How many I actually scared to do so because of this stigma that is still there, because of a society that still hasn´t fully accepted that illness is illness and mental struggles is in the end no different than physical issues. Not less bad, not easier, just different because it is on a “different level”. I personally talk about depression, about being depressed, but I had to learn because back in the days it felt like many people around me didn´t (want to) understand and it was tough to keep going. To be open about it. Nowadays I can and I don´t give a fuck about what people think because if it belongs to me, you eitehr gotta accept it or leave.

// Thought // It is weird to talk about my former job in job interviews, because I still feel like talking about “my team” and everything. I think it´s never been that hard to let go as it is with this now, it is weird. I never had that massive issues to let loose and let go of something, but this seems to be an extraordinary case for whatever reasons. Maybe because I was emotionally also fully into this project in the end…lord knows, or doesn´t. No idea, but it really is time to start from new…

// Happy about // All the positive feedback coming in from my applications this year…I wrote like 10 applications since end of last year and had one face to face interview already and the coming week two phone/skype interviews…it´s a good quota I´d say, now I just have to nail one and get a new job for after my project management course ends. But it feels good that it starts off well, even though it also did last year at the start and didn´t result in any new job. It is an ego boost anyways.

// Angry about // It´s not really angry about it, but rather frustrated. The past days I struggled against massive stomach issues with throwing up and cramps and everything and now that my boyfriend was there and I managed to fully relaxed, the issues disappeared. So again it´s all been caused by my mind being stressed out and freaking out my body aswell and to be fair, I didn´t have it in such extend for many many many months.

// Wished for // The project management course to be already over, because it really eats my life. My freetime consists of doing house scores and some sports and then cooking and falling asleep on the couch because of exhaustion or dropping into bed, totally dead. I have like a 50h+ week, and that since November…starts to be stressful, though I am sure it is all gonna pay off in the end.

// Dreamt about // I am having nightmares about the coming course internal exam already now and it´s still like 9 days to go until then…my fear of exams is returning with full force, good job, brain!

// Statement of the week //
Taken from Vikings (the series), season 4 – because it shows that people simply close their eyes from change:

Floki: Us? You are no longer a part of us, Rollo.
Rollo: But what is us, Floki, is changing, only you won’t accept it.