With Full Force Festival – or “With Full Fail”

You know, I won the ticket to go there, and it´s been a massive bonus that Apocalyptica were scheduled to headline the first day- and maybe that would have been the only chance to still see them once again this year.

You see, it was “would have been” – because things don´t always go the way they should or were planned to. If you aren´t into emotional and bluntly honest blog entries, don´t read any further. The reason is that I keep a lot of frustration to myself, but this time it´s too much – if I won´t let it out, I will explode.

The day started early, and I woke up with an odd feeling, a negative vibe, a dark cloud over my head. I felt like there was something going to go terribly wrong today. I had no idea how right I was, and the closer I got to the damned tiny village of Gräfenhainichen, the more I was excited to be out, to have a chance to forget about unemployment, money problems, and had a chance for grabbing some power and hope at the Apocalyptica show.

The trainrides there were…annoying. I didn´t expect the train to be so full, so I ended up napping whilst sitting on the floor – what a great start into the day, but that´s been my own fault…you learn from mistakes, maybe. Eventually, somewhen.

But already when arriving in this town, I was annoyed: no signs where the shuttle was running, no printed schedule and then the bad news: I would´ve needed to wait 3.5h until the next shuttle was running. Other people and me decided to instead go and take the shuttle that runs from 11 to 19 from Penny supermarket to the festival area. So we walked to this damned Penny store just to notice that the shuttle as well was just running from 3pm on. I was stressed and exhausted, and all I was thinking about was “shit I might actually be too late in case Apocalyptica do a signing session”. But no can do, and at least the group of people was a great match, it was a funny time. And in the end we even managed to catch a cab, which was a challenge for itself, too. As I lateron figured, they´re not too excited about heping out as the talks with the festival had not gone too well…that´s another story though.

Once arrived at the camping, I had to fight my way through the whole area to get to the green camping area that I had booked. Once there, at leats the tent was quickly set up, looked good, felt good. Grabbed my bus shuttle ticket to the to the festival area and was told to go to another camp to trade in my accreditation for my wristband. And there it continued – they sent me to another place and and and. So basically I walked off the campsite again, and still some bit further until I had my wristlet. And then there was no shuttle directly going to the fetsival area, so I walked back to my tent, quickly changed clothes as it had gotten cloudy and a bit cooler and then wanted to hop onto the next shuttle – but none came, because they expected bad weather. As the security told me, they were informed that within the next 30-45min they´d expect the thunderstorm to hit the festival area. And it did. Thunder, lightning, hail, wind blows of massive speed, rain…no end to be seen. And I was stuck in my tent, alone. And to be honest, it´s been scary. But I sat there and between praying my tent would not totally kill itself (here and there a crack, but that´s been ok at that time), I just thought about today´s most important show, and how time was running and nothing was changing weather wise.

And then it cleared up, I had hope. I don´t think it was real and realistic hope, but just this desperate hope of it not being true. And then after a while, a second “round” of this thunderstorm hit – this time I wasn´t alone in my tent, I had met a nice french girl who I hung out with and who I invited to my tent – and being in there together was better, listening to Apocalyptica songs. And it calmed down again after quite a while. I was exhausted, mentally. Physically. Hungry. Too little sugar in my blood. But adrenaline was high, and even higher when we talked to the securities whilst their got news in: we were able to go onto the infield, it was going to continue in just a  bit! My heart jumped, but realism hit: there were still lightning bolts to be seen, I was worried. And I was right.

So we conquered the area, went to the main stage and secured a front row spot, I grabbed some food and then bad news started pouring in. The broken Apocalyptica backline and the guys trying to find a way to solve the issue, and then the new playing order (instead of 75min only 45min of set). It was an up and down, bad news followed

good and so on. But I was hoping. My heart was just so begging

for this to work out just for a little longer. And when going to the bathroom for once, I stopped by the other stage and just heard a person on stage saying “it´s really tough for us and a hard decision but…” – my heart stopped. And within minutes I found myself being pushed off the infield, away from the stages. The festival day was cancelled. Time to bury hopes, but I am a strong girl and strong girls don´t cry. So I packed my damaged tent that would not survive yet another gust of wind and made my way. I thought I could.

But the shuttles were not running properly. Or not at all. How the fuck to get to the trainstation? It was pouring, and no shuttle and with thunderstorms approaching – clearly no way to walk for me. And with the help of an amazing security who even put us into his car for the waiting time so we wouldn´t get all soaked),

I got a cab when I had already given up. But I tried to smile. To push away the hate, the frustration, the tears . Strong girls don´t cry because of something “little” like this. That this trip had meant to be a way for me to regain energy and now ended like this…no words. I always had people around, first the ones that then at the station took me to Wittenberg where there was a bigger trainstop and there two people who also suffered the same as I – their tent kinda sunk, or well, was a pool, after the weather issues so they had to leave. And i had to waste 7 hours approximately until my train left to Hamburg.

It was the worst hours. All I wanted was curl up and simply cry, because I felt so terribly hurt. And still feel like it. The frustration about the terrible organization of the festival with the frustration because of the weather…no good mix to say the least. But I smiled. I tried to simply function, as so many times. Just when I was on the train, first tears emerged. But I kept being strong. It´s just been a festival. Just

when I arrived at my boyfriend´s place and was finally alone, the first tears started rolling, but all i had in mind was a hot bath and then drop into bed. And that´s what I did. I was even too exhausted to cry after nearly 30h of being awake without a break.

In the evening it was comfort time and food, but now today that I am alone in the evening (and had fun at the hospital because of an allergic reaction to a damned mosquito bite from the festival), the tears are rolling. I remember the moment when I got to know that I was able to go there due to the won ticket – it was like a blessing that came out of nowhere. And then things fell into pieces like this. I haven´t seen a single band, I haven´t seen or met Apocalyptica, I have spent quite some money on traveling, and I spent the night and morning at the damned train station that opened their waiting time only at 4am and until then you had to sit outside like a damned homeless. No shelter, no food, no bathroom.  How low can you drop?

And here I sit now again, and besides the financial loss and time-loss and all fucked up hopes about experiencing a whole damned festival finally again, I have one question on my mind: when will I see Apocalyptica again? (all coming european tourdates are somehow during the week -.-)

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