…okay, Master student, or “student soon studying a Master´s programme”. Yesterday evening, just before my last hoop lesson of that timetable, I checked my emails without really expecting any news and and then all of a sudden there was that e-mail saying that I was granted “a studyplace”. And as I just applied for one programme, the Master in Entrepreneurship and Business Competence at my former university of applied sciences, I knew I had made it.
But it felt surreal and still feels surreal, simply because I waited for these news or rather hoped for these news for nearly a month now since I had taken my entrance exam and well, I really had given up on it deep inside my heart already. After all the problems that I am having with finding a new job, I simply didn´t believe in my skills anymore and then this happens. Feels odd, and instead of being overly full of joy, I kinda skipped that phase and am in the phase of doubt all of a sudden already.
The “how to finance that” (still cheaper than if I did it in Germany), “how to combine then hopefull work, my boyfriend, my hobbies and my studies” and “maybe it´s too early”, just as “how to ensure that my sick perfectionism does not return to me with full force”…many doubts and worries, and that shows my main problem. I lost the skill to simply be happy and porud of what I achieved – because I can be proud. I was one of the youngest ones that applied (at least judging from how the others looked) and with just fulfilling the acceptance criteria in terms of business experience, I was below average experience. I really don´t know how I made it and would love to see the score (and actually just this afternoon I received my score: 80/100 points o.O how did that happen?), and that one split up into written and oral exam. For me it´s always important to know where I stand, and just a “yay you have a study place granted” doesn´t fully do the trick, even though it´s an ego boost itself, no doubts there!
Anyways…quite some planning to be done now, sending in things (including a copy of my bachelor´s certificate which is totally hilarious because…just look into your system, guys!) and such…and then noticing that this is freakin real and gonna be great 😀