I think I´ve never been that calm after having seen a show of Apocalyptica – it´s like the storm in my head has calmed down. That storm that started at With Full Force Festival, with all the shit that happened there thanks to the weather and the cancelled Apocalypica show that I needed so badly back then. Ever since I couldn´t get my mind to rest and to take the conclusion as introduction: my mind and heart are calm, and I feel relieved. The curse of the festival weather was broken 😉
It all started with a last minute idea to attend the festival – it came the day before when going home from my boyfriend´s place. And then it all started, to try and get things sorted out somehow – I got things sorted with some help, yet there was that 5% chance that things might not work out as planned. 95% safe, 5% risk. 5. Percent. Risk. Flashback to With Full Force Festival, and I saw everything again, and felt like it was too high of a risk. I was insecure, my brain was shouting “no no no no do not book a car and go”. Once again I ignored my mind and booked the car, telling myself it would be just justice that everything will be working out.
You have no idea how terribly bad I slept during the night, once I had fallen asleep I had fun with odd and creepy nightmares, that made me wonder if it was a good idea to actually plan on going. And my doubts grew when I woke up – to rain hitting heavily on my windows, when I heard the growling of the thunder. It was 7am, and I felt the panic in me growing again. I quickly packed my last things together and without having had a breakfast I went to pick up the car – got a nicely sized one again, fought with my GPS and then got going.
The car ride was bloody hell – from blue sky and no clouds to dak dark and heaviest rain ever within minutes – and that rain started within seconds, you literally drove your 150kmh and booom, wall of rain, you didn´t even see anymore where the car ahead was – if there even was one? Scary as hell, luckily not the first time I experienced something like this. But man I was so happy when I was finally at the place where I had to pick up my wristlet…adn then boom, they couldn´t find my name. My heart skipped several beats. In the end they still found me, but you can not even come close to imaging how I felt and how the other people, who did not have that problem, looked at me. As if I was trying to whore myself into the festival -.-´ I was so relieved when I had this wristband around my hand, it was just unbelievable…
Then drove to find a parking lot – didn´t end up in quite a parking lot, but alongside a street – as long as the car survived, it´s all good. Just the walk to the festival area was a bit annoying but still less long than expected. It was just…muddy. And it didn´t get any better on the infield, but I couldn´t bother as the day started with the band “Russkaja” – always an entertaining way to start into a festival day- fun music, a lot of chance to move…fun time 😀
There I noticed that half a protein bar was not enough food so afterwards I went some food hunting and ended up with a tarte flambee…sooog ood, together with some sugary Coca Cola and I was ready for what was still to come.
Some Australian band was then playing before Apocalyptica´s slot on that stage and well – if you take unmotivated people, dressed as if they had just fallen out of bed and were there just for the beer, you could imagine those dudes and how they looked and acted on stage.
The singer could´ve been having a nice voice and stuff, he was just adding a little effort at least. But nope. Spent the time to go to the loo and then rush back to secure a frontrow spot for Apocalyptica – I surely ain´t gonna stand anywhere
but frontrow hahahaha It was fun to see the guys and everything being set up, the guys checking the stage and the crowd…and seeing them was like coming home.
And it was even more like that once the show started, even though being surrounded by fans of this shitty rapper called Cro was, excuse my wording, probably the most awful thing ever for me.
No surprise that I then ended up being filmed for the livestream whilst headbanging, as at the beginning the crowd was really not up for it – it improved over time, but still it was rather
disappointing I think.What kinda made me realize how amazing Apocalypticaonly shows are – of course they played “Nothing else matters” again and no matter how hard I try or what I do, I have the images of my cousin´s funeral in front of my inner eyes.
And I cry, of course. Whilst during Apo shows peopleat least ask if I am okay, or randomly and strangers hug me, noone gave a fuck this time. I have never felt so alone in between so many people.
But overall…and even though I had hoped to hear “Welcome Home Sanitarium” and was disappointed to not have heard it, I loved every damned second of this show. Peace of mind, forgetting everything around me, forgetting my usualy daily life, all worries, all fears, all problems…it means feeling free to me. And it once again showed me how much healing music can do.
…that does not apply to music that you dislike, though. And because two rappers followed on Apocalyptica running order wise and only really late in the evening there´d be acts that would be a “nice to have”, I decided after a little drink (non-alcoholic) and rest to get going and drive home. And that was a good decision, as a part of the road was blocked off and I had to drive through zillions of little towns before being able to go onto the highway again…annoying and really tising, also due to the always changing weather conditions.
Back in Hamburg I decided to immediately return the car to be able to sleep in the day after – and it all went quick and smooth, caught the bus right after going to the stop and after a hot bath and a tasty ordered pizza, I dropped into bed. Happy. Calm. Relieved.