It´s incredible, what a single song can do. I have two songs of this kind, that literally first break me down just to build me up again and give me back the strength, a kick in the nuts and wake me call all in one.
Whilst one of those songs I got to know during a very very dark time of problems at work, being unhappy, permanently depressed and close to boreout alongside issues with colleagues, the other song entered my life totally out of the blue. Totally everything but not expected.
Whilst one of the songs was from a band that was already close to my heart for many many years, a band I knew and knew their songs always found a way to touch me. And when the album was out, it didn´t really… touch me yet. Only during the tour that followed and that was bringing me back to life, this song got so meaningful to me.
It´s always bringing back those memories of crying at shows, of hugs of comfort, of recovery, of this paceful feeling after having finally cried about all the pain that was hidden and locked up in my mind.
That feeling of relief is what this song gives to me. When I am angry and upset with me, when I am disappointed about me- it´s THE song for me to listen to. On repeat. For hours.
The second song was just there. A supporting band I back then wasn´t too interested in. I had done an interview with that band, and funnily enough when now looking back – the singer was editing the music video to exactly this song and couldn´t do the interview – I just saw him working on his laptop on cutting the viewo when passing by back then. And then I was standing there, had just left the photo pit.
Was in my thoughts being unhappy about the light, about the photos I had taken. And then those lyrics. It hit me. I don´t even know if I fully grasped what the song was about – but something in me was triggered. I never talked about it, but: I was standing there, crying. With my eyes closed. It was like something or someone was stabbing my heart with reality, with truth.
When I went home after that show, I bought only this one track as an MP3. And ever since it´s been a song that helped when I was stuck in depression – it´s like that kick in the buts you need to figure out: it´s in your hands. Either drop it or fight. And for me it´s never been a question what the answer would be : fight. Hearing this song live is releasing so much anger and the oddest mix of feelings, that I feel positively empty afterwards.
The first song: “Shadowmaker” by Apocalyptica
The second song: “Jenny” by Nothing More