So at the beginning of January I ran last. Well no, I mean, a proper run, one through the fields and lasting longer than 10km. For me, it´s been two months where I felt like someone has been taking my breath away from me, someone has been choking me and stabbing my heart every day.
Sounds dramatic, right? But if you fell in love with an activity, an activity that clears your mind, clears your thoughts and worries for the duration of the run, losens the stiff muscles in your neck and shoulders…and if you have a damned goal that you work towards: the first half marathon. Then it really is dramatic. Feels like it at least.
The past soon two months have required a lot of discipline, because I didn´t feel like doing anything because it didn´t feel like having any sense anways. And that was my main struggle – this seeing a sense in working out, even though I knew deep down inside I had to keep going with this alternative programme and work on strengthening whatever needed to be better at my running.
And I kept going and then it felt better, the muscle problems got less and less and I had hope – so I tried a little run and all the pain was back, then rested, did more and more of all those exercises that my physiotherapist gave me. It´s torture, and I hate it. Every damned second of it and I still do it because I know I have to. There is no way out if I want to really do my half marathon successfully (whatever successful means in this sense right now).
It´s been going a lot back and forth, one step forward, two steps back and the same again and again – it really felt like my application marathon before I had found my current job last year. It´s been crazy, demotivating, depressing and killing my last nerves. I am honest, I sat down at times crying because I felt so bad and upset about the whole thing. Felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel…
Now I am having special inlays to support my body when running, and I hope that starting in March everything will just improve and that I will be able to go for runs normally and painfree in the best case. Because another month of struggles, frustration and pain is something I really cannot put up with – neither time wise when it comes to my training for the half marathon, nor mentally. I need some success feeling, whatever it might be. I was happy if I can run for 5km without feeling pain afterwards or what not, but even with the damned inlays I need some time to get used to those and I will lose more and more time again.
It´s like one thing comes after the other, the injuries, me being sick so much during the two months that already now I beat the amount of sick days from the whole past year. And I have no idea why. My body is just rebelling it seems.
Maybe the time out I had to take now thanks to the flu did some good things, too…hope dies last. Or something like this. I think. Hope. Being sick is simply mentally exhausting, not only body wise…
So I simply declare now March to be my “comeback” to amazing running and health! 😉