“You never go and buy food with us”

…during lunchtime at work probably the sentence I have heard the most during my now soon more than 7 months there. It´s not meant in an un-nice way, but if you don´t know me well enough, it´s maybe hard to grasp. Because it´s not all about the money – though I am really not willing to pay around 7€ for a meal, because that makes nearly 40€ a week for lunch at work and with this is more than what I need for a full week with cooking for breakfast, lunch and dinner…

But the main reason is: I wanna know what I eat, how much I eat. I am still on my weightloss journey, but having started my road to my half marathon, I need to watch it even more what I am eating and that m body is not lacking anything. Adjusting it how it comes and goes and how I train and how much I train.

I am counting my calories and macros (protein, carbs and fat) with my Yazio App – and yes, I weight everything I eat/prepare. Okay, not everything, because with some foods I already can (+/-5g) estimate the weight really well and so don´t need to weight it. And before you ask: no, it is no fun. It´s making cooking sometimes feel like some chemical experiment, but it´s proven to be working for me when looking at my weightloss success.

Now I am watching my calories also in the other direction – not that I manage to eat as little as needed but due to all the training and easily burning 600+kcal during my runs, I have to watch not to be eating too little and then lose strength and cannot exercise and train the next day or the same da anymore. Because I painfully had to learn that I really need a lot more energy nowadays than I ever needed before. And for me, it´s tough to balance that out.

Also, with all the meal planning and preparing I can make sure I don´t eat randomly all kinds of shit – I notice that on weekend, where I eat what I want in that moment and really struggle with staying in my calorie boundaries. And often fail. Too many tempatations, too many options, too many calories.

But yes, maybe that makes it understandable why I meal prep – it´s all about control. Because when it comes to me, in the end, I am a total control freak that demands discipline – too much of it at times but…anyways, let´s not get off track here!

Because: I still need to prepare food for tomorrow and decide which sweet treat I allow myself for the coming day(s) 😉

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Run: Wandsetaler Runde – 10km (25.03.2018)

Just on Friday I got to know there was a run really close by, going through all of the areas where I also here and there do my runs during weekdays. So it´s been full of nature, and that´s something that I enjoy most. And as I had to go for a run anyways on this Sunday, why not make it a little race experience?

So far I´ve just done Tough Mudder and Muddy Angel, so something with a team spirit, where time was not too essential and important. It was getting through together, instead of alone. And that´s different to those street runs.

Anyways. I had to get up at 7am to still figure out my breakfast – and now know that a drink that is sparkling is no good choice, and so is nothing with chocolate or marmelade. I felt so sick when going to the bus stop, it was awful – but luckily faded, but still never totally disappeared.

I had to e there earlier, because I still had to register – if I had done that in advance, I could´ve slept longer and would´ve been fitter, but nope. Of course not. I was pretty much one of the first ones, as I was there quicker than expected, and then quickly signed up and also walked to the changing room at the school gym that was rather close. Just had some orientation issues, but made it anyways – thanks Google Maps 😉

And then went back to the starting area again, and still: way too early. Trying to keep myself going and at least a bit warm before the actualy little warm-up session started. And then it´s been going to the start area – and I looked around and knew who was actually running the 21km distance, just by looking at them. But still I thought I was gonna be good with my average 7:22min/km. And was taught a lesson when we started.

So the start happened and I felt like I was on some baby car whilst everyone was on racing cars – and I made the mistake that rookies usually do: I let myself be pulled with the group and the first around 800m it was a kilometre speed of maybe 5:40min/km. And I was done with the run right after these 800m actually – what was worse than the body, was the mind. People who for me looked less trained passed by with no effort. And many people passed by, that´s the second thing that really hurt my ego. And I thought that my normal speed would´ve been at least okay.

Frustrated, upset and still exhausted from not feeling healthy, I kept going. And going. My legs started hurting, I got cramps in the soles of my feet again and at some point I really had to stop and close my eyes for a second. Close the eyes. Take a breath. Refocus. Start again. From that point on it had become better, though the pain in my legs were still bad. But at least I managed to pass by a few runners on the last kilometre, that made my ego feel a bit better. A bit.

And when I was in the finisher area, I found it so cute, how the little kid there gave me the medal…all pain was forgotten all of a sudden – and then drink, drink drink and a bite of cake also never hurt because the speed I ran wa sthe best speed I ever did – 6:56min/km has been half a minute faster than usual. And my body reacted to it.

So the rest of the day I spent with recovery (stretching, with my massage roll and ball) to losen up my muscles again…and the knowledge that I still have loads to learn.

6.90

…or: how expensive it is to simply go swimming as alternative training.

So yes, in between all of my running, I have my rest days – and the days where I need some alternative training, it was only gym so far – which again puts weight and pressure on my joints, knees and everything. So it´s not really all relaxing for my legs. So why not go for a swim here and there? Cannot hurt, I thought.

As a kid I loved swimming, and I still love being in the water – but…well, let´s start it that way. You have to pay 6,90 €. And no, it does not matter how long you will be actually in there. You could sta for a half a day or  like me, just swim for 45min, need 20min before and after and be out there. And to be honest with you: that price is a terribly bad joke, it´s a rip off and I am totally not gonna support this.

So I went for a swim here close to where I live, and despite the personnel being really nice, and everthing being clean, it was too small for me. 75% of the swimming lanes were blocked b those doing proper training, and those people using the lanes left were more into chit chatting whilst “swimming” than really making space to those that do want to swim and not do some here and there paddling.

And: when I wanna swim, I need cold water. And not this luke-warm stuff, really – go and laugh but yes it´s been too warm for me, for real swimming I like it fresh and cold. But I simply am not the kind of people they aim at I guess.

So es, I was pretty annoyed for many reasons whilst swimming – and in the end I felt just as sore as after running, it didn´t feel any better than gym or anything. Totall disappointing and not helpful at all for body and mind. I went out there frustrated about having spent so much money for my 45min in one row swimming, all the chit chatting and space blocking women and just everthing.

So now here I sit and wonder: what kind of alternative training shall I do instead? I am clueless, totally. And exhausted from working out 5 days a week to be fully honest. It´s draining. Like every session of whatever kind of training is currently.

But: there is no giving up! Just need to adjust my plans!

Any tipps?

Welcome Robo!

Who the fuck is Robo? Rather: What the fuck is Robo! Robo is the outcome what a woman buys when she is grown up.

It´s a vacuum-cleaning robot that crawls around the floor and cleans your apartment whilst you can do whatever you want to be doing in the meantime. Yes, it´s really just as good as it sounds like. My apartment hasn´t been that clean for ages, I´d say. Not sure what that tells about my old normal vacuum cleaner of my cleaning motivation. Let´s better not talk about it 😉

I now someone having the same vacuum cleaning robot and made good experiences, so that´s why I chose this one – I always wanted one, but noone I knew had one so I didn´t dare to even try and order one.  So now I did this step, being still a tad skeptical – but I could send it back to Amazon if it is a fuck up, so…

But let´s be honest: I fell in love with it right at the very first moment, right on the very evening when I had carried the big parcel home from work, and had set it together, and charged the battery a bit more. Yes, it´s that easy to get it all started – hardly any putting together , and having the easy and quick start guide right at hand…quick one, and it quicky ran around my hallway, still had to feel home. Well, it had to find its ways, but it quickly started to clean my floor really nicely. Just sucked when I overdid it and it started “vomitting” the dirt out again – so alwas have an eye on how full it is with dirt. Which is becoming less of a problem if you have done it ften enough and it´s not so dusty anymore.

Talking about having an eye on things – hide our cables, save them from this wild monster! It´s gonna eat em, shove em around and run over em! It kinda is funny, but still – makes you think about possibilities how to hide all the ugly cables someway, which is a good thing, too 🙂

When it comes to the cleanliness of my floor now – couldn´t be any better, though it will need a couple of more runs to really have it up to where I want it to be, as my normal vacuum cleaner seemingly sucked a lot and there is so much dust in the carpet floor all around. But we´re on a good way here! And it feels much better already.

Though one thing  – the cleaning of the robot isn´t too amazing for someone who´s allergic to all this dusty stuff. But still it´s the smaller downside when looking at whatever it can do and how much it improves everything…

So now I can happily have Robo run around my apartment, whilst I will be off to watch some series, put up my feet and relax – even though at times it´s a bit loud, especially if you have it run for its full time (around 100min). But I am used to ignore sounds I don´t wanna hear, so no biggie.

I simply love how much time it saves me, and especially during stressful weeks it´ll be the best helper ever. So what comes up next? Maybe a dishwasher, a small one? Yes, I have become a lazy girl, or rather: a terribly busy one in her freetime, trying to save as much time as possible.

Half Marathon – Training Weeks 18-23


3,5 months left until my half marathon, at least in my plans. So yeah, I haven´t exactl been blogging about progress and my doings lately because the last weeks were mentally not really that easy, even though working out and getting back on track, the doubts paralyed my mind and will to even talk about it.


WEEK 18 (05.02.-11.02.2018)

It´s been yet anothe rweek of gym time, yet another week of being a grumpy bitch that doesn´t feel like wanting to talk to anyone or be social with anyone at gym. But no matter how much I was unmotivated before the workout, it felt good whilst and even better afterwards, even though my sore muscles were down and upside both in one.

Anyways, a little run that maybe was not the best idea I ever had, but I simpl needed it. That feeling of being free and having the feeling to be actively working towards my half marathon still. Because I feel terrible about it and I have that feeling that I won´t get there anyways. No matter how much I do my extra exercises and no matter if I get these expensive inlays…



WEEK 19 (12.02.-18.02.2018)

It´s all about gym…and a little run. And it felt okay. Not good, but at least okay. But overall I felt oddly weak, like my body was fighting off something, so I tried to take it easy and do less powering through workouts than usual. Also I did go and have my inlays made, like, ordered. Got some tipps what to train when being back to running, too. So I am prepared. Well, theoretically. Mentall it feels like I had never been further away from running this half marathon.


WEEK 20 (19.02.-25.02.2018)

Aka this week – struck down by the flu, I didn´t workout at all. All I did so far and will be doing for the rest of the week ss rest, stay in bed and get rid off the sickness so that I am able to go strong next week again!


Week 21  (26.02.-04.03.2018)

Since it´s been the first week out of flu, and the week where I´ve been to Glasgow, so i really did take it easy to make sure I am fit for the trip. Still felt under the weather anyways, so some light gym and some walks in my new inlays of my shoes – and that´s it. It will be a long road until I will be where I had been.


Week 22 (05.03.-11.03.2018)

Did my first shorter runs with the inlays in my shoes, and man, what a torture. I had not even slightest imagined how painful it could be to get used to those. And it´s so devastating when looking at how little time I have left for my preparation…

Had so many moments where I wondered if it was all worth it, if it still made sense, if I still had a valid chance of even making it and not dropping out last second. It´s been a week of doubts though it felt nice to be running painfree – meaning my muscle at least.


Week 23 (12.03.-18.03.2018)

It´s like the first week where I feel like I am truly back, even though I am still fighting the blisters after each and every run. The shoes still torture my feet, but during the runs I don´t really feel that, just afterwards I am finding the blisters again and again, every damned time.

But my pace is better than before, and with only little pain here and there I am happy that I can run nearly painfree again. Yet I am still far away from where I had been before my injury, and the stormy weather outside is not really making it nice to be outside and to go for a run.

Hotel: Newton Hotel – Glasgow

Better late than never – and the waiting didn´t really base on me being insecure if I liked it or not, I can happily state that I reall felt well at the hotel – and that even though that when I walked there, it did not look too inviting. I knew about its looks from the outside thanks to a certain search machine, but still. Welcoming is different.

But already the person checking me in made me forget that all – a nice charming lad, having a good chat and laugh about the chaos in Glasgow and how he had been pretty much alone from the staff the day before as noone made it to work. And a pluspoint: I was able to get into my room before the noted time. And I was so relieved, because all I needed was a short nap!

So I quickly walked downstairs, into my souterrain hotel room – and on the first look, I was relieved how cozy it all looked. I dropped my things and hopped onto the bed and…I felt like I really did not want to ever get up again. That hotel bed was just so cozy, m back was so so so happy, there is no words for it! Really good, really comfy, better than expected!

The bathroom was, on the first look, also really great, I mean, what a shower! But soon I found weaknesses – when you flush the toilet, the sound it makes whilst flushing and especiall when re-charging water, man, scary as hell. And really loud. I don´t know if I could have fallen asleep right after if I had not been wearing earplugs. Here and there it was old, some tiles partially were not all good anymore. But nothing too major. And the shower – so amazing – I love this kind of shower, wish I had one like this!

Besides bed and bathroom, the rest of the room was not big but big enough to sa the least. It had a water boiler, tea, coffee, sugar, what you´d just need from a hotel room. The only thing I did not really like was that the room had a carpet floor – it was clean but still. Not my cup of tea at all.

In the mornings you can choose from a “European” breakfast with bread rolls, cereals, cheese and such and a full breakfast as they called it. Which I chose – the first time my stomach was not too impressed about this kind of a breakfast as I had not been used to it, but it was tasty, really. And heavy. But I reall did like it, I was full and it was just right for the morning. Choice of juces, coffee and tea was also served, so you were lacking pretty much nothing.

Overall therefore: don´t be scared off from photos that show the outside, it´s based in a good location, has nie staff and all that you need for a couple of days stay if ou don´t need all the fancy stuff for which you´d be paying twice as much. I for m part would always return and stay there again!

When Glasgow drowns in snow (02.-04.03.2018)


You know, sometimes you gotta take things with humor – now I can do it, but back then last week I couldn´t really.

Thursday

Only by accident (aka a comment on facebook) I figured that Glasgow drowned in snow – airport closed, total chaos, world´s end scenarios wherever I have been reading about the city. And that´s the news that I had when I was just coming home after a stressful day at work, being all stressed also about my coming trip then. I was going totally crazy, I was in between an anger attack and breaking down crying because I so needed this trip. The information was that at some point the airport would publish some more information about the next day and the waiting seemed forever. So I panicked more and more, and it still didn´t get much better when they said that most likely they will open the airport again in the morning and so m flight would be going…

Friday

3am getting up, 4am taking the bus, 5am at the airport for flight number one from Hamburg to Düsseldorf. Checkin was smooth, security control was smooth as always – and I again had too much time to wait at the gate once again. On one hand I enjoy watching people, but not that early in the morning as I am really no morning person at all. Never have been, never will be. The flight was good, noone sitting next to me – but I always had that worry that I might be stuck in Düsseldorf if Glasgow airport decided it couldn´t make it in the end to open up the airport again. But all of my worries did not come true throughout the waiting time.

With an hour delay my plane took off – in a small machine, that felt like a ball in the wind, bouncing around…and clearly, the landing was one of a kind – I was really close to throwing up, not nice at all. And then taking a look outside I wondered where this snow chaos was, where all the massive snow was, if it had magically disappeared. It was just nowhere to be seen at all. Yes, a normal amount of snow matching the general weather situation in Europe of course, nothing special though.

And also I got easily to the centre, streets were cleared, nothing left from this massive chaos. Just the price for the bus – jesus. That was a bit much to say the least. Finding the hotel was easy thanks to Google Maps, and the welcome was warm at the hotel – but more on the hotel in a different post 😉

So after some resting and some grocery shopping I started my sightseeing as my plan was to see as much as possible of the stuff planned on Friday to be able to relax and rest on Saturday until the gig started and that worked out really well. I personally liked Glasgow a lot, nice people, and I love all these old buildings. And the Universit of Glasgow made me want to go and study again – so beautiful, and it looks like a Cathedral from afar.  Talking about the cathedral though – it was closed. So frustrating, because I so so so wanted to see it from the inside, but the necropolis close by made up for it. Rarely any people, only the wind and your shoes in the snow making the noises…it felt haunted at times, but I enjoyed the silence, the atmosphere…It was just too big to see it in full though, maybe I gotta return for that some day 😀

I checked out around 85% of the things I wanted to check out, and at some point gave up because walking in the snow on the uncleared paths just really got me. My legs hurt, my full body ended up aching and I was just aching as a whole. So I just grabbed some water at a not-center store (there you did not get anything canned and no water anymore) and then went to my hotel room. Hot shower, some food, resting. And you canot imagine how fast I feel asleep!

Saturday

I woke up, all exhausted still, freezing for no reason and even the breakfast (I am not used to this way of breakfast, really, though it´s good) didn´t exactly bring me back to life.  It just made me feel stomach sick and all tired again after being up for an hour. I nevertheless went to the store to get me some blister stuff, and on the way slipped and fell. So I also directly bought some tape for my foot. Well, that´s my luck.

Late ron I picked up my mate (had met her on Instagram) at the bus station and we did have a nice time having lunch and chatting before she went off to do some sightseeing and I went off to return to bed again xD

Later we met to start queuing …and then the show and afterwards had a drink still before I dropped into bed totally exhausted and quite braindead xD

Sunday

Blisters on my feet, a cranky voice, a grumpy face. The muddy rests if what once had been snow really made the walk to the bus stop torture – especially because I was dead tired though I think my night could´ve been shorter and far worse. Not even the Coca Cola helped though I downed it liks there was no tomorrow because I had to go through the security checks…and boom, again waaaaay to early. Even worse than on the way to Glasgow. At least I found a damned power socket.

Put on music, zoomed out, bye bye reality until I had to board. Again noone next to me, I could totally get used to that. Nothing is worse than having annoying people next to you, so…basically I slept most of the flight again, I was just emotionally and physically worn out.

The waiting tim in Düsseldor wa sthen really annoying, I was hungry but not willing to spend money, and somehow everything was just annoying as hell. Especially that there was a delay and all I wanted was food, a hot bath and my goddamned bed.

And man, why did I have to have some odd smelling guys next to me on this flight? Was really making everything worse, and I just wanted to freak out…luckily the flight was rather short, and no words about how happy I was to be out of there, hop onto the train and get home…

Concert: Apocalyptica – Glasgow – 03.03.2018


Well, Glasgow. Apocalyptica. Me. Kinda hilarious, how I am always in the UK just for Apocalyptica. And not for normal holidays. But well, that´s my life, pure madness.

So when I walked to the stores and turned aorund the corner from my hotel, I kinda ran into the band´s tourbus that had no chance to be parking ight next to the venue so they took that side-street. It was funny, really. At the same time annoying because I always had to walk past the bus no matter where I had been walking.

Later on, and later than usual, I met up with my instagram friend (we had met before, but meeting in terms of queueing) and then successfully queued on the wrong side – they had formed two queues, one for those that paid for the meet and greet, and one for the “normal” fans.

We noticed rather early though and switched to the right queue but I was already pissed – if I travel that far, I wanna stand frontrow. Always. No second row, nothing. So when entering (security checks, nice joke!), I used my fitness and passed by quite a few people on the staircase up – focus, and sprint! And in the end I was standing where I wanted to be standing. Perfect spot. And then noticed together: it´s not warm! It´s damned cold!

It´s nowhere near warm. It´s just what feels a bit warmer than it had been outside where you were freezing. And, spoiler: it didn´t get any warmer during the show.

The show itself…it felt like coming home. It felt like dropping all weight, being myself, not afraid to show emotions, not needing to be strong. Because those that saw me being not strong mostly I didn´t know and the others know me well enough to not need to hide anything. I cried my eyes out again during “Nothing else matters”, guess it´s the pain I gotta have to take onto me if I wanna keep attending their shows. Survived the past 13 years, will survive another amount of years, too 😉

The show rocked, though the first half of the set really felt better when being seated, the second part was better whilst standing. So mixed feeling about this standing show versus the seated shows of the tour that I had already attended.

The band had fun again on stage, clearly visible as always – and it´s been good to see them again, really. And it´s been good to see Antero again, and maybe for a last time as I suppose he won´t be with the band once this tour is finding its end. It sucks, and my heart bleeds because of that, as he´s been a great inspiration and it´s been good to have him back! I guess I am back on the drug called Apocalyptica…hopefully will see them soon again!

After the show, back in the cold and we waited a bit for the band as I usually do it…won´t be sharing more publicly, because I have some privacy aswell.
No need to brag or whatsoever, only thing to say: it´s been a great concert evening!

Topped off and calming down a bit then at my mate´s hotel bar, chatting, reflecting, having a relaxed end to this day and evening!

Down and up again!


Sometimes a lot can happen within like 2days of time. I just recently (aka this week) noticed exactly this. And it´s crazy how sometimes luck plays right into your cards!


It started with the “down” – it´s been one I expected but still. I had applied to be an Asics frontrunner and of course was rejected. Why of course?

Because I am not the perfect slim person that either has a zillion of followers on Social Media, nor am someone who runs a marathon every week or takes photos of myself when running or even drags around a photographer to take these shots. When I run, I run. And don´t act like a poser for social media bullshit.

And: why take someone and give everyone else the chance to see how you can develop and that everything is possible if you just really want it and work hard for it. Nah, take someone where everything just looks so easy…
And at first I really had thought about applying again next year, but after seeing who was chosen and how they seemingly base their decision – not even gonna make the effort to fill in that form again and try and make them understand why I would be a good choice.  If I have to be either of those kinds of persons, then I happy stay as I am and won´t be a frontrunner. xD

And then…sometimes in life things happen for a reason I still believe. And this case has proven it right again. I had taken the 13th of April off from work last year.

Reason? I have no damned idea. And I noticed that and was like “wait, isn´t on that weekend a nyckelharpa course in southern germany?”.

I checked and…yes. From that friday to the sunday then, there is that course. And even before my brain was able to react, my heart had made a decision.

And even though it´s again quite some money, I booked it – after some hesitation, a lot of train checking and comparing and worrying and wondering. Because I finally want to check it out, want to learn this instrument, do my first steps with it.

I waited for this for so damned long. And I simply had to take that chance. It´s crazy how quickly things from frustration about not being able to attend any course this year switched to a course in April…

This shows how fast sunshine can come after rain 😀