My Top 10 running songs

I had a phase where I ditched music because “during the half marathon I also won´t be able to listen to music” – and to be honest, it killed my will to go and run – I was exhausted, it was dark outside and most times it was cold as well. Not exactly the things that really get you motivated to put on your running shoes and rock down the kilometres.

Especially when you are worn out from a long day at work, you simply need something to boost you and kick your ass on long runs.

A couple of days ago I checked which songs I was actually listening to most, and here they are!

  1. Versengold – “Biikebrennen” (**MUSIC-Spotify**)
    It´s THE song I listen two at two points when it comes to running – right at the start and before actually starting to get all boosted up and ready to go. And then literally on repeat during the last maybe two kilometres, because the melody and sound just keeps me going and going and makes push until the very last second!
  2. Nothing More – “Don´t stop” (**MUSIC-YouTube**)
    When I have motivational problems, this is the track I listen to before I even put on my shoes. Usually I sit down in my little hallway and close my eyes where I just listebn to the song. Don´t move. Just let loose and find some strength.
  3. Versengold – “Ablasstanz (live)” (**MUSIC-YouTube**)
    It´s violin. And violin seems to be majorly doing a good job for kepeing me running. The fact that it´s another instrumental shoudn´t be surprising anymore, no distracting lyrics and no lyrics that tend to make me want to sing along..and then lose my breathe again xD
  4. Katy Perry – “Dark Horse” (**MUSIC-YouTube**)
    It´s one of those braindead songs that make a good mood anyways. I need to have these songs in between all others
  5. Kings of Leon – “Sex on Fire” (**MUSIC**)
    Actually a song where I sing along. Every time. And it´s just a fun song to sing along to when running alone in the dark and you are not overly motivated as such…not really improving my running but at least the fun factor.
  6. Apocalyptica – “Cold Blood”  (**MUSIC-YouTube**)
    Franky´s voice and the powerful cellos, an aggressive song that simply has to be pushing you through runs in the dark. Nothing to add right there!
  7. Versengold – “Niemals sang- und klanglos” (**MUSIC-YouTube**)
    Funnily enough the song usually came on with my player when I was really struggling during running – and it really tells me to kick ass and keep going. Also nice rhythm and melody to keep me going in a proper speed.
  8. Nothing More – “Christ Copyright” (**MUSIC-YouTube**)
    I just like the track because it´s having quite a bit of power in it – it´s another track I simply like during running for no apparent reason.
  9. Versengold – “Weinfass Tune” (**MUSIC-Spotify**)
    Aaaaand take a guess…Yes! It´s another instrumental piece with…VIOLIN! A track I love dancing to when the play it at their live shows, here in this context it keeps me going and going and…going 😀
  10. Versengold – “Kopft ihn” (**MUSIC-YouTube**)
    It´s all about the rhythm – if I feel like I lost my rhythm with running and my steps are short, long, short, something in between and a total mess, I put on this song…always helps me to get back into the right rhythm.

My plans for Abu Dhabi in May

I´ve really struggled to first even book this trip because it´s the most expensive one for me so far, but then simply decided to go for it because…I can. Sort of.

And then I pushed my plannings away, away, and when I got the travel information on my trip from the holiday agency, I realized I had to get going even though it´s still like 2 weeks to go. Wait. ONLY TWO WEEKS o.O

Yeah, that was me, and I got up and finally opened my little book I bought on Abi Dhabi and tried to sort everything out hahaha

And here you get a little glimpse on what´s booked and what´s on my plan – how many turn out that way, let´s see!


  • Rail & Fly from Hamburg to Frankfurt Airport back and forth (I still need to actually check the schedules as they only give you a voucher to use as train ticket but don´t give any connection info)
  • Airport transfer from airport to hotel in Abu Dhabi (looks like there will be people from the holiday agency waiting outside to arrange the transfers)
  • And surprise: the two flights (never been flying with those vouchers that I need to still trade in then when being at the airport, or something like this)


  • Ramada Abu Dhabi 
  • 4* hotel, economy room ( I am really curious, because on the webpage there is no such room category liste hahaha)
  • 7 nights (arrival and departure night ate not counted due to the times of my flights)
  • Breakfast included
  • Close to Corniche and close to the sea


I am always really “good” at planning my sightseeing – most times I end up maybe doing half of the things, and I pretty much expect it to be no different with my Abu Dhabi trip – especially when the temperatures are really gonna be that bloody high.

The schedule below is sort of a “in my perfect world”-plan where there is no heat, where I am always fit, where I don´t have a culture shock, where I am not exhausted and always motivated to go around and not just hang out on the beach.

Day (startin on 6th, landong on 7th May)

  • Arriving
  • Beach
  • Explore the close surroundings
  • Go out for dinner

Day 2  – with a hop-on-hop-off bus (8th)

  • Marina Mall
  • Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque Center
  • Eastern Mangroves
  • Shau boat cruise


Day 3  – with a hop-on-hop-off bus (9th)

  • Louvre museum
  • WTC
  • Heritage village
  • Dinner at one of the Shau boats





 Day 4 (10th)

  • Beach time

Day 5 (11th)

  • Kunstzentrum manarat al saadiyat
  • Falcon hospital
  • Dinner at the restaurant village “ventian village” (Maybe at the restaurant “al fanar”)
  • Women handicraft & heritage centre – al mushrif
  • Capital garden
  • Al hosn fort


Day 6 (12th)

  • Beach time

Day 7 (13th)

  • Al Meena market
  • Dhau harbor
  • Al Maqtaa Fort

Day 8 (14th)

  • Beach



Day 9 (15th)

  • Traveling back home 😦

Half Marathon – Week 26 & 27

Week 26 (02.04.-08.04.2018)

Monday, Wednesday, Friday – no proper weekend run, instead working out at the Versengold show ^^

Started off with yet another not successful run – seems like one day of rest between my long runs and the next run are not enough. It´s frustrating, but doesn´t make sense to really kill the mind about – and I really tried not to worry to much. But it´s been tough.

On Wednesday it´s become better, a nice 8km run, with a low heart rate and a good speed – but I felt dizzy afterwards, maybe it´s the weather or something else, who knows. But I felt that sense of accomplishment after my fail run on Monday. It´s all an up and down, and somehow I am still looking for that stability in my training.

On Friday I was back to the old heart rate, added a few metres to the distance of my Wednesday run and felt really good afterwards, though my legs were hurting a lot during the first kilometres – pushing through the pain is becoming my hobby, I suppose!

Week 27 (09.04.-15.04.2018)

Well, a short week, sort of – simply because I spent the weekend at the nyckelharpa course and thus was not able to do my usual long run at the weekend. I feld bad about it, but couldn´t change it so I had to accept it.

Was a not so upcheering week thanks to the first run on Monday was a short one of 6,50km in a terrible time that nearly would suggest that I had rather been crawling on the floor rather than running. Totally devastating.

But on Thursday, with my second run this week, things looked far better – have been running 10km for the first time during the work week, and even though I felt totally dead afterwards, I was really happy that I made it and pushed through even though the first kilometres were closer to hell than to heaven.

I am more and more becoming positive about my progress, though 21km still seem to be millions of miles away.

In Schmutz und in Schande

Dieser Beitrag – es ist eine Geschichte. Seit ich “In Schmutz und in Schande” von Versengold gehört hatte, bei der Nacht der Balladen, hatte ich diese Geschichte im Kopf. Und sie wollte und wollte nicht mehr hinaus aus meinem Kopfe. Und deshalb habe ich sie nun niedergeschrieben.

Als Vorgeschmack gibt es hier direkt im Post einmal ein Video zu einer Performance dieses Songs (man ignoriere das lustige Zwischenspiel – aber leider gib es keine bessere Version des gesamten Liedes).

Langsam gehe ich an diesem Friedhof vorbei – wie oft ich hier früher vorbeigegangen war, und mich gefragt hatte, ob ich denn jemals eins Kreuz bekommen würde. Ein Kreuz, welches an mich erinnern würde. Oder ob ich dann einfach weg wäre – aus den Augen aus dem Sinn. Man würde mich wohl vergessen, egal was ich tat. Das war mir jetzt klar. Früher hatte ich die Hoffnung, dass man sich für Menschen wie mich interessieren würde.

Oder hatte man dies nicht schon längst getan? Mich vergessen? genau wie es mit so vielen vor mir geschehen war? All diejenigen, die es nicht besser gehabt hatten als ich, die mit mir durch das Lande gezogen waren? Niemand würde sich an uns erinnern, wieso auch – wohl würden sie sich sogar noch eher freuen, wenn es ein paar weniger von uns geben würde. Von uns, dem Gesindel. Von den zerlotterten Gestalten, die nichts hatten – weder eine Heimat, noch Geld, und nur in Banden auftraten. Da hatten wir uns sicher gefühlt, da hatten wir eine Familie – wir waren alle gleich, jeder hatte das gleiche Schicksal: wir waren geboren wurden, um Schande zu verbreiten.

In armen Verhältnissen, waren teilweise in einem dreckigen Hinterhof auf die die Welt gekommen. Unsere Väter, wir fanden sie in den Kneipen und wussten, was diese Lokalitäten waren bevor wir sprechen konnten. Aber: Väter? Vater? War mein Vater denn überhaupt mein Vater? Wenn ich meine Mutter anschaute, und meine Geschwister – ich wage es zu bezweifeln. Ich wollte nie wissen, woher das bisschen Geld kam, was meine Mutter damals nach Hause brachte. Wenn sie denn überhaupt nach hause kam, nach vielen Tagen und Nächten, in denen sie wieder einmal verschwunden gewesen war. Aber auch das Geld brachte nichts – wir froren, wir hungerten. Es war ganz normal, wir kannten es nicht anders. Damals schon wollten wir uns selbst helfen – ich allen voran, mit Mut und Verzweiflung im Hinterkopf.

Es würde nicht auffallen, wenn hier und da etwas fehlen würde, wenn ein goldener Taler weniger der Kirche zuging, oder in einer Kasse fehlte. Doch der Tag kam, die Sonne war gerade entsprungen – und meine Kindheit sollte in genau diesem Moment sein Ende gefunden haben. Der goldene Taler, der vom Vortag, der war wohl der eine zu viel gewesen. Man wollte nicht mehr die Augen davor verschließen, dass Kinder wie ich durch die Straßen zogen und man schnell die Türen schließen musste, wollte man sein Hab und Gut schützen. Damals, da brachte man mich fort. Ab ins Zuchthaus, genau wie viele meiner “Freunde”. Oder eben Leidensgenossen. Denn das wurden wir dort, wo keine weinerliche aber leicht lächelnde Mutter einem den Kopfe tätschelte, wenn man wieder mit einem neu erstandenen Taler nach Hause kam.

Getätschelt – oh ja, das wurden wir aber. Mit Gürteln, oder aber mit allem, was zur Hand war. Ein falsches Wort, manchmal nur ein Wort per se reichte aus, um das Fass zum Überlaufen zu bringen. Wieder und wieder, die Stöcke flogen nur so auf unsere Rücken, auf unsere Kinderfinger. Man hörte das Knacken, die unterdrückten Schreie, das heruntergeschluckte Weinen und die verdrückten Tränen. Man sollte es einfach nicht noch schlimmer machen, als es eh schon war. Man musste seinen Mann stehen, oder es zumindest versuchen – soweit dies halt funktioniert, wenn man gefühlt erst gestern das Laufen erlernt hatte. Gestern, heute, morgen – es war alles gleich – die gleichen Schläge, die gleichen Fehler, die gleichen Gedanken. Gedanken daran, wie man wohl weiteren Tagen entrinnen könnte.

Es wurden Pläne geschmiedet. Im Stillen. Eine geheime Sprache erfunden. Jeder hörte alles, die Wände hatten Ohren und diese hatten die Stöcke und Peitschen. Vertrauen? Wem denn. Wir waren eine kleine Gruppe, wir wussten, wir würden zusammenhalten – das hatten wir schon immer. Zusammenaufgewachsen, mit dem gleichen Schicksal bedacht. Wir wussten, dass uns nichts anderen helfen würde. Als das “wir”. Diese Bande. Und die wurde umso enger, als wir es eines Nachts dann schafften, zu entfliehen. Nach viel zu vielen Sonnenaufgängen und Sonnenuntergängen, nach viel zu vielen gebrochenen Knochen, Striemen und blauen Flecken.

Aber wir waren frei. Was denn auch Freiheit ist – frei wieder selbst schauen zu müssen, wie man überlebte. Frei, wieder auf der Straße. Frei. Wenn wir aber zu dieser Zeit eines wussten: das einste Zuhause würden wir nicht noch einmal sehen. Es hatte uns nie eine Heimat geboten, jedes Elternhaus war wohl froh, dass man weg war. Ich denke kaum, dass mich meine Eltern vermisst haben, so viele wie nach mir kamen. Die schlammigen und dreckigen Ecken und Gassen, zusammen mit der wachsenden Menge an Sündern und Ausgestoßenen, das war jetzt mein Zuhause gewesen. Mein Zuhause und meine Familie, jeder von uns war verdammt. Egal ob früher oder später (bei vielen eher früher), wir würden eh nicht in den Himmel kommen – der teufel war nun mal hinter uns her, und wir machen sogar ihm Konkurrenz.

Hatten wir einmal etwas in unseren Taschen, natürlich ehrwürdig erstanden, blieb es dort nie lange – die gier nach mehr, nach etwas nie dagewesenem trieb uns umher, zu taten wo wir dachten, es würde uns mehr Geld einbringen. Wenn wir es nur geschickt anstellen würden. Ein Spiel hier, ein Spiel da – einmal betrogen werden hier, und ein weiteres Mal da. Nein, Glück im Spiel hatten wir nicht. Aber dafür stattdessen doch sicher in der Liebe, oder? Aber wer hätte sich nur mit einem wie mir, wie uns, abgegeben? Und das freiwillig? Stinkend, mit dreckiger Kleidung, aus der Gosse, mit keinen Manieren – nein, auch dafür mussten wir blechen. Die letzten Taler habe ich immer wieder investiert, mit der Illusion: einmal werde ich eine überzeugen, dass ich viel besser bin, als es scheint. Dass da mehr ist, als es auf den ersten Blick aussieht.

Ich lies viel Geld, und auch meine Hoffnung – irgendwann war es normal geworden, dass man sich das Geld beschaffte, um es in ein bisschen Spaß einzutauschen. Wofür auch sparen? Damit es der nächste wieder einem abnahm, wenn man eine Sekunde lang nicht aufpasste? Nein. Das hätte nichts gebracht. Essen war optional, und nicht selten zogen wir durch die Lande mit knurrendem Magen – aber wir waren das ja gewöhnt. Wir waren ja so aufgewachsen, es war ein so heimeliges Gefühl. Die erkaufte Aufmerksamkeit, der leere Magen, der Husten der immer wieder die Runde drehte und uns näher an den Tod brachte, als wir uns damals haben vorstellen können. Aber irgendwie, ja irgendwie haben wir es immer wieder geschafft. Nicht alle. Aber der harte Kern.

Wir waren hart im Nehmen – und vielleicht waren wir auch schlimmer, als was sich der Teufel je hätte vorstellen können. Wir haben geklaut, gemordet, gehurt, gespielt, gesoffen – die Beichte würde da nicht mehr helfen, haben wir entschlossen. Es war hoffnungslos – wieso sollte man sich da also noch die Mühe machen, sich zu ändern?

Ja, so dachte ich. Damals. Damals, als ich jung war. Jetzt frage ich mich, ob wohl alles anders gekommen wäre, hätte ich Dinge…nun ja, anders angefasst. Wäre ich nicht immer auf der Flucht gewesen, hätte ich nicht immer nur im Jetzt gelebt. Denn ich wusste: bald wird es kein Morgen mehr geben. Und keiner wird sich mehr an mich erinnern. Denn niemand würde die Mühe machen, mich auch nur zu beerdigen. Ich würde einfach dort liegen, im Dreck. Im Matsch eines Hinterhofes. Der Kreis würde sich wohl schließen.

Nyckelharpa course – Altenmünster (13.04.-15.04.2018)

It kinda sucks when you have written this entry already for quite a while and then forgot to really set a date to have it published. Ah well, but now!

Friday – 13.04.2018

Early mornings are not my cup of tea, never have been and never will be – but it´s the necessary evil when you have a long travel day ahead.

My route had been home to Hamburg mainstation (train), Hamburg mainstation to Frankfurt mainstation (train), Frankfurt mainstation to Augsburg station (train) and then from Augsburg to Altenmünster by car thanks to my aunt.

Anyways, the trainrides were bloody hell because even though I had booked quiet departments on the train, it again just was not quiet at all. Screaming children, people with too much parfume and and and…without my headphones on I would have never been able to fall asleep again. But somehow I was too excited and nervous to fully fall asleep. Plus, I started my trip when it was 4°C – and arrived in Augsburg in sunny weather and what felt like 20°C – wrongly dressed and that didn´t help my mood.

But the planned lunch with my aunt made it all better – and has a surprise to offer, as my mum came by and joined and both had not told me about this plan. And that was amazing! It was a great time relaxing, having some good food and chatting before going to Altenmünster. Or: going to the place somewhere around nothing.

I was welcomed warmly and was the first one to arrive and choose a bed in my three people room – to be honest, I am not used to sleeping together with strangers anymore. Next time it will be a single room – not because the people and I did not get along, that was all good. I just need privacy, I noticed.

So yeah, the evening then started with the dinner and a surprise – due to two vegans, it was gonna be an all vegan weekend, and not just vegetarian. That vegan thing was to become a running gag for the whole stay there – it was funny, and many great and different people from many backgrounds.

And what surprised me was…we started practicing already tonight! I had been up for like 16h by the time I touched the nyckelharpa first, and my concentration was nowhere close to being any good for starting to play a new instrument. And that already describes my start – I couldn´t focus, and as we were playing by hearing and seeing and not with music sheets, I had not only a new insturment to master but also this new way of learning. And that was too much – I was frustrated, upset and annoyed with myself. I had come to the course with the expectation that it will be pretty easy because I am playing cello and have some skills already . but I was really grounded after this evening, and my mood was low. I would have loved to take a bus back to Augsburg and just quit. But I couldn´t.

Saturday – 14.04.2018

New day, new chances – and it was gonna be a good day. I had been grounded, I had dropped the expectations I had on myself and was free to just try. And that´s what really went well all of a sudden, and went so much better than on Friday. It´s been worlds between yesterday and today, and I felt much more confident because things worked AND started to sound well! Not always, but most times, and I even was able to close my eyes whilst playing here and there and not stare at what and where my fingers were.

We learned a second piece of music and that piece of music was what really made me happy – I liked the melody, I just liked the whole thing. It felt better than the first one, so it all played together.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner were okay, I probably haven´t been eating as much bread lately as I have been until now on this weekend but somehow…I would´ve wished for a different kind of food, but well, shit happens. I am not here for the food anyways 😉

But yeah, we had several sessions of learning, and then also were able to play on our own on our rooms, because it´s been really difficult to hear yourself and figure out how you sound when you have 4 other poeple also playing. But I was satisfied in the evening, and so the little concert the two teachers (plus two students) played then was something I was totally able to enjoy. It was simply beautiful, and showed me once more where I could be if I worked hard enough – and had an insturment, but that´s yet another story 😉

It´s been another longer evening and a shorter night that then followed – I am not used to only sleeping 7 hours a night when it is weekend – not my style at all…

Sunday – 15.04.2018

The last morning. And it felt weird, waking up and packing my stuff already in the morning before breakfast because quickly after lunch my aunt was gonna pick me up and bring me to the trainstation.

But first breakfast, another session with palying both pieces of music again and sorting some questions on how to rent a nyckelharpa, how long ordering one takes and all of those questions that just come up when you are getting hooked on playing the instrument. It´s simply not as easy as with an average insturment – I wish it was…

But yeah, the last sessions and practicing went well again, and so I was able to leave with a satisfied feeling and positive thoughts when my aunt picked me up and also gave a ride to a course colleague as we both had to go to Augsburg station. There I then enjoyed some silence without music, as I had a headache from all the noise all weekend long.

On the train it´s been over though with the silence, because it´s been so noisy again – without music I would have not been able to fall asleep once again. And of course in hannover where I had to change trains, my train had a delay and so I came home even later than initially planned and was pretty dead when I dropped into bed. But happy.

Wilhelmshaven – oh the sea…

So yeah, never been to Wilhelmshaven before, I mean, why would ? And what I can already say right at the start: I regret not having been there earlier already. Totally in love with this city and its people. And the sea, of course.

Anyways, my drive from hamburg to Wilhelmshaven went smooth up until the point where I had to find my way to the venue and the road I had to take was blocked and I had to take some odd other route and then ended up in the middle of nowhere and…well, not that great. But I was relieved once I had parked my car next to the venue and the parking even was for free!

First thing I did: pack my camera, sunglasses and start walking towards the sea. The sea, my love. The sound, the smell, I always fall in love with it from new, and it´s been like this also in Wilhelmshaven. Immediately I grew quiet and all peaceful mindwise, I somehow felt home during this whole day though I didn´t know a single street, nothing. People were so nice and told me so much about the city´s history, about what to see and all weird insides that you can just get to know from people living there.

Besides a really long walk right next to the sea on the sand, I went to check out the marine museum with its museum ships and its submarine. And I was really stunned, not having seen any of those seen from the inside before. Crazy how you can easily get lose on one of those ships, whilst in the submarine I was so happy to get out of there after not even 10min. No idea how people really stayed there for longer, locked up literally in this small and narrow place. I cannot imagine this at all. I freaked out after 3min down there even though it´s been open and you knew you were not under water and able to leave whenever you wanted to. I spent a lot of time there, more than I had expected – was worth the entry fee in the end 😉

Afterwards I ended up strolling around, rather aimless, enjoying the sunshine, sitting next to the water and just relaxing for once. I had planned to drive alongside the coast but somehow would have needed far more time for that than what I still had left so I decided to rather not to do it instead of needing to rush. I wanna enjoy, and don´t have any kind of stress. So this is clearly on my to do list for the next time in Wilhelmshaven.

Because if one thing is certain: I will return, return to explore, to see more, suck up even more peace of mind from the sea. Have never guessed I would so fall in love, head over heels, with a city ever again. Its size, the ocean, the people, seems all so perfect, too good to be true. And yes I know, as a visitor you often don´t see the “real life” there but still…

More photos of the OCEAN & THE BEACH can be found on: 

More Photos of the MARINE MUSEUM can be found on:

More RANDOM photos can be found on:

Concert: Versengold – Wilhelmshaven (07.04.2018)

To be fair, I went to Wilhelmshaven not being even sure anymore if I wanted to attend the show. I was doubting that I was willing to put up with so many people, was doubting if I could really sink into the music. The past week(s) kind amade me want to dig up if I was not running, and so I decided I was going to Wilhelmshaven for the city and the sea and decide later on if I wanted to go.

Maybe my heart deep inside had decided right from the start that in the end I was going to attend the show anyways, my mind was fighting against that. And it still didn´t feel all right when queueing even though people were really nice and chatting was, too. But: people. And something felt wrong.

Doors open was totally relaxed which was relieving, after my experiences in Leipzig I am still having a slight trauma to be honest. And once in there – man, how small that was. No idea how they fit 800 poeple in there. It felt cozy, and frontrow was a nice thing where to stand again 😉 I noticed that with most bands I somehow always end up standing on the right side xD

Aaaanyways, the support act was the band AntiHeld from Southern Germany and well, support acts always have a tough time with me, and no difference for them. They were great to watch because they had so much fun on stage, but most songs were just not my taste. One song though really brought tears to my eyes – a song that their singer had written for the funeral of a good friend of his. And wow, this song…it made me swallow hard and really hit me deep inside. I was close to crying.

And then Versengold…what can I say, again a massively long show, with sweat and cramps in the legs from all the jumping around (and the walking beforehand), and … I am still probably the biggest fan of all instrumentals that this band has. Simply because it´s strings, strings and strings all in the focus. And i love the violin and nyckelharpa sound more than anything else (okay, not more than the cello sound but that´s another story).

Biggest surprise for me was that they made their “promise” true – they played “Tjark Evers” live again. And it´s been so suitable for this city at the sea, and again it´s been a goosebumps feeling for me. Torn in between all happiness and these emotions that the song brings up in me. A pity it´s been though that another beautiful ballad had to call its quits for it. Another song about the sea. Would´ve been cool to hear that one too, but you cannot have everything.

It was kinda hilarious how we were asked to use our phones during “Funkenflug” to have some lights up due to the lack of glow sticks…I refused. The phone stayed in my pocket, I wanna enjoy and a phone has no place there then. And I have a really strong opinion there xD

I enjoyed the show, I loved the interaction between band and crowd and it´s been a mix between just partying and noticing once again that not everything in my life is the way I´d like to have it. And that I gotta get up my ass and change that. Somehow.

I left the venue with a satisfied feeling, but all emotional again. It´s been like a lot has been stirred up again without really knowing what that was in detail. But sometimes you also need stuff like this!

6 months in – Half marathon training

Taken during the Wandsetaler Runde (March 2018)

And I learned a lot. Additional stuff that I had never been thinking about. The last time I´ve been reflecting on it, as three months ago – so after month 3 of my training and road to my half marathon.

Forced to take a break? It´s a chance!

If you use it right, at least. During my two months of no running I did extensive weight workouts at gym, and worked especially at my leg and hip/belly/back muscles to give my body the chance to be back stronger – and what can I say, it really does feel like I am back far stronger than before. Not only physically, but especially mentally with a lot of more determination.

Standard training plans don´t fit everyone

…and that´s why I quite the Polar training plan that you were able to set up and that made me walk more than made me run. And I saw no progress, really, nothing. Of course it´s healthier to run with low heart frequency, but my heart goes up to a certain rate and not above that – so if I have a certain average heart rate as a limit I am good. And that´s going well, and far better than with this stiff training plan that I was so unable to follow and that really made me more angry than motivated.

Do test races

It doesn´t matter if it´s about the question “What do I eat before a run?”, or battle the “I´ll just go with the flow – and that far too fast” or just to get used to all of the things that come with such a race. It´s really all about reducing nervousity and insecurity, so at least that´s working well on the big day of the half marathon. Just sucks I need to miss out on some races because I have a life besides al of the running!

Don´t pamper your ego – but remember it´s only about yourself

You think you´re great, training all on your own, seeing progress? Well…don´t lose touch to the ground or think you would be average already – because you aren´t. That´s what I had to learn during a race and need to recapture every damn day. But, at the same time: it´s about you, how you feel when running, how it goes. All that matters is finishing, the place doesn´t matter.

I can push through the pain

For me an extremely valuable lesson, because I was and still am pretty much scared that the pain in my legs will be the show stopper – but during my long runs and the race I did I noticed I can push through and go through the pain because it mostly goes away at some point again – sometimes thanks to the runner´s high, sometimes because you got used to it or zoomed out completely.

Blisters heal terribly slow

…never wait on them getting all ready for another run, unless you wanna wait for ages. At least for me it´s been like this – I had blisters on blisters, because otherwise I could´ve not been running for ages as they healed so slowly. Yes, I opened them with a sterile needle and did my best to give it best possible healing chances – because otherwise I could´ve not been wearing normal shoes.

No pain, no gain…

…that´s whar you read and hear everywhere and from everyone, at leats it always feels that way. And I´ve been joking a lot about this sentence, I used it for moments where here and there a muscle was sore and walking upstairs was feeling terrible after some workout at gym.

But lately with my running training I really got to know a different “no pain no gain” feeling. And I am honest: it´s often been a pain I had known only from injuries before, but not as a normal “you train hard”. And I´ve had sore and stiff muscles that my physiotherapist had to loosen up which often brought me close to crying – one or the other tear still found its way out of my eyes and over my face during this. I never thought I was such a pussy, but painful legs are far more terrible than my stiff neck and back ever could have been.

The pain after 10km in a new best time, aka under 70min, it was a positive pain but one that really made me wonde rif my legs were gonna fall off any second, or after my first 15km run where I though my muscles were about to rip and my legs to fully break. But what developed itself to be a total torture: the blisters on my feet, both on the same area of each foot, thanks to the new inlays making my feet and all of my muscles work hard against the weak feet issues.

It´s been blisters opened with a need on top of blisters opened with a needle on top of yet another blister…sore feet, all painful with the blisters, and even wearing normal socks was painfull. Every step in whatever kind of shoes was awful, and you really had to bite your teeth together to keep going or in the other way, keep running. Yes, I had to swallow hard, once, twice or many times in a row. Many times. No matter if it was the feet or my muscles in my legs needing to adapt to the new “setup”.

And all you gotta do is keep going, do active recovery, and work on the pain to disappear hopefully until the next training session. And to be honest, that doesn´t always work out that well, there are times where one rest day is not enough and I need another one, where I hardly get out of bed because I feel so exhausted and when even turning in bed hurts leg-wise. I never guessed what a tough road my preparation would be – but it´s one that really makes me mentally stronger. Because I learn to be tough(er), to push through and push my limits every damn time – and that´s to tiring. And painful.

And now that I have all talked about physical pain…let´s talk mental pain (or struggle)! There is nothing more painful for the ego than struggling with a 4km run, struggling with the mind that tells you that you will never manage to run the half marathon, tells you you´re too fat and unsportive to really get this all going and working out. And all of these terrible thoughts come up when you are running – they are like the dark cloud over your head, following you wherever you are running.

And getting rid off these doubts and negative thoughts already isn´t my best practice during normal life, and especially not during sports-times as I have no real body feeling and no idea how far I have already come (I know I´ve walked a long road, but don´t realize that) and thus it´s further, further further and when it´s not working I am close to freaking out quite a few times.

Yes, I have kicked trees, I have hit an innocent tree randomly during one of my frustration attacks during running. Did it help? No. It just brought additional physical pain on top. And once there is physical pain, the mind aches from all the worries it carries in itself and then has unleashed. Devil´s circle, here we go. I think too much, even during running, the mind spins and drives me nuts – and when it has stopped, I stop running and it´s all back twice as bad.


Pain from sports? I had no clue until I started all this running with having a goal. I´ve been clueless

Weightloss? How was that going again?

Yes I know, it´s been a while since I really reported on how things are going…2,5 years ago I started with around 90kg, and I´ve had many ups and many downs – and during the past half a year it´s been more a struggle against the downs rather than feasting on the good sides and the successes achieved.

But it´s going – steady. Slowly, but every month this year I´ve at least lost one kilogram. I have hit the 74 kilograms, finally – last year in summer I all of a sudden had been up weightwise again so it´s not my lowest but I am working hard on it!

You will be laughing and saying that it´s not much to be losing 1kg every month and you´re right. It´s a hilariously small amount of weight I am losing and it´ll take me probably the rest of the year to finally be at my goal weight. But I don´t really care anymore – I learnt that stressing out doesn´t exactly help anyways.

Plus, with all the exercising I do for my halfmarathon training my fcus is more on building strength and power rather than weightloss. I eat far more than I did before, because my body is permanently requesting food.

One thing I noticed though is that now I am drinking far ore water again, my weightloss is getting more stable, and I feel generally better and less worn out. It´s really helping a lot, I had never guessed that – it´s not making me less hungry, but rather makes my body clean itself better than before with less drinking. Also, not drinking alcohol really has been a good choice – I don´t miss it much, and I saving a lot of calories and don´t have alcohol killing my sportive activity!

So I think I am on a good path – the path that leads me to be far bitter than I had been before, and that´s far more important to me than the numbers on my scale. Yes, it´s a change in attitude, and a much needed one, too!

So yeah, down to 74kg, makes 9 more kilograms to go hopefully until autumn…and muscles to be put where now the fat is 😉 Much work, much work, much work, more sweat and tears, too!