SwimBikeRun Training – Week 9 – 12

It´s been quiet when it comes to my triathlon training during the past weeks – simply because rarely anything happened. Except the fact that I really did sign up for the triathlon, still wondering if my foot will actually allow me to train and prepare properly. but only time can tell, and since I am not having my glass ball around, I cannot see into the future.

12.11. (Week 9) until  02.12.2018 (Week 11)

Well, it´s been all about packing boxes, carrying boxes, cleaning and freaking out all about the move itsef. And then moving of course, and the same in reverse – unpacking, walking stairs up and down, carrying stuff, freaking out and not wanting to move anymore. And going for little walks here and there, for paper work things, to see the sea, to explore the surroundings…

But not real sports, unfortunately. I tried but somehow couldn´t motivate myself, because I fet burnt out and permanently tired. no surprise.

At least I managed my daily dose of stretching on most days, so my foot at least got some treatment – mostly. And it really needed that, because it´s stagnating with recovery.

03.11. – 09.12.2018 – Week 12

Being back at the office made it kind of a new situation – a lot of sitting, hardly moving and no motivation to do anything.

Okay, I started a new ab challenge and am pulling through quite well until now I would say – and I was even swimming once (on Saturday).

And swimming went well, with a personal best! It started off rough and not really pleasant, didn´t make me happy at all. And then it got better and better and I even managed for once to turn off my mind which before never really worked.

And sure, stretching – more than during the weeks before, simply because I am so desperately trying to get rid off my plantar fasciitis. I am getting fed up with not being able to do sports properly and always needing to take care of my damned foot-


Back online!

Soooo! Yesterday was the day – I was finally online again, second try and this time we had access to the cellar and made this all work. Thank God. For even longer without real internet I wouldn´t have survived, the past 3 weeks have been tough.

Of course I had mobile internet but that´s not the same, and costs a shit ton whilst I paid for my normal inetrnet and phone flat without being able to really use it. It really pissed me off, and now I am really where I would´ve loved to be already weks ago. Being able to really do research on stuff in regards of the city, because doing all of this on a small phone is tiring and thus I didn´t do it. Shame on me, I know, but it´s just been too exhausting.

Being back online I had to catch up with series, do paper work and answer emails and write all the blog entries that I had hoped to be writing right after moving in. So much to tell, so many things to share, and just too little time.

But from now on I really hope to be writing at least twice or thrice a week, even though my focus clearly has shifted to my relationship and away from this blog. With my job, commuting, soon more workouts and my relationship there is so much happening in my life that writing about it is kinda difficult – time wise, too.

But as usual: I will try and give my best, but I cannot promise anything.

In case you got amazing tips for stuff in Wilhelmshaven though – hit me up, let me know, I am open for all kinds of good ideas and advice!

Cooking: Pike-pearch on spiced risotto with buttered tomato and a butter sauce

Cooking book: Lust auf Kochen: Kreative Rezepte für jeden Tag
Publisher: Kochhaus

Estimated time: 35 min
Actual time: 45 min

Difficulty: 3/10
Amount: for 2 persons initially, but then it´s really small portions
Price per person: approx. 4€

Having moved to Wilhelmshaven and thus to the North Sea coast, I thought that the best thing to cook first from the book would be a recipe with fish. And I was surprised that supermarkets here are not exactly experts in having pike-pearch, but in the end I found some frozen one – wanted fresh one, but well. Probably looked the wrong places. Same goes for the spices / herbs you were supposed to buy using for the risotto, so I had to improvise there. NO harm done, but still…

The recipe was easy to follow as usual, but it was a lot about the right timing and a lot of struggle with my cooking place – you need a lot of different ingredients and then mix them up and so you have a lot of half dirty plates to take care of later on. That´s been pretty much the only downside of this whole meal.

Because: the outcome was so freaking delicious I even made it a second time (slightly changed) the day after! Never had made risotto on my own before, and it worked and tasted like a charm.

It´s clearly a meal for rather autumn or spring and not summer, but then it´s just perfect – am still loving it!

Online? Offline!

It’s kinda funny how things just keep popping up and going wrong…it feels at times as if it was some.slapstick like humor instead of reality . And I wish it was.

It all started with my bank locking me out of my account because they had new regulations for passwords, but for saving a new password you needed a TAN number but since I couldn’t find my list and had requested a new one already, I couldn’t change the password. And thus cannot login anymore. Now I am impstiently waiting for m new list – which is being sent to my old address in Hamburg (for changing the address in your account you also need a TAN number and therefore i couldnt change that either) and is being redirected by the post to be sent to m new address here in Wilhelmshaven.

if you think this is enough of a mess – believe me, it isn’t. Well actually it is but life had some additional fun planned with me.


Yesterday I was supposed to get my internet sorted out with a technician coming by and doing his magic. But he had to go to the main internet box, which seemingly is in the cellar. And surprise, we, the tenants , don’t have a key for that and no janitor had time (and will) to come by and open the cellar. Long story made short -the technician had to leave again, and I still don’t have internet and won’t be having any internet until December 8th, since that’s the next free spot on a weekend.

Why weekend? Because my new job starts on Monday and I simply don’t want to miss out on anything right at the start. Oh and I was bitched at by literally everyone involved in this mess, and I am so sorry that I am used to cellars that tenants have a key to so I didn’t even get the idea it couldn’t be any different…jeeez.

But since there is tethering, I will just plug my phone to my computer and use the data volume on there. No ideal situation for for the time being there is no other way since filling in forms and such is simply a hassle on the tiny phone screen and keyboard…

Besides that – positive stuff! All boxes are more or less unpacked and everything else stored in the attic, now just sorting stuff here and there and noticing every day what I still gotta buy. That list gets longer and longer to say the least. At least the IKEA stuff I had to assemble for my shelves looks neat and was rather easy to do… decoration is also mostly done, some minor things are still on the list but can wait, just as getting my photo frames to the wall as it seems that I am lacking the right nails …


But all of that gives me now time to sleep in, to read, to go for long walks, to play music again…so I am really trying to make the best out of the current situation – hoping there won’t be new fuck ups waiting for me.

One week in!

So now I was unpacking and arranging stuff for a week. And I have no idea where the damned week went. I mean, I made a lot of progress, no doubt. But stuff still needs to be carried up to the attic (boxes with stuff I don’t need right now and emits boxes) and that’s a hassle- two floors up every time. It feels like it’s neverending. And that’s what’s really tiring right at the moment for me.

But I am getting really close to being all done – the just details, like setting up the computer for rather finalizing it and then setting up my sewing corner with all the damned shelf things that need to be assembled. And then still some final decoration stuff…but that’s not too bad.

But life keeps on throwing obstacles into my way – e.g. I had my used laundry dryer delivered yesterday, tested it and ask was fine. And today it’s acting up and no solution can be found so it has to be picked up and checked next week. It’s like always something comes up when I finally started to calm down. It’s such a rollercoaster ride.

But it also had its good times this week – I went to Nautimo to relax in the sauna. Because I really needed that timeout. It was mentally and physically so necessary because I was all stressed out and over my limits. And that time felt so good – sauna for me is an amazing way to turn off the mind from really everything , close the eyes and just be with myself. And afterwards I really felt re-energized, I felt like newborn.

Same does the walls next to the sea, listening its sound and just walk. Walk. Walk. And now with the weather (cold and windy) there isn’t many people around either.

But somehow it all still feels like I am.on prolonged vacations rather than living here. And I don’t know what I could do to really have it sink in and start this settling down. Because I really want to arrive. Probably I just have to give it more time, but I am never patient with myself, so that’s yet another challenge.

The move

Well, being the dumbass I am, I missed out on notifying my internet provider enough in advance – so now I am sitting in my new flat in Wilhelmshaven and won’t be having any internet until November 26th. Classic case of shit happens.

So now I am typing these lines on my phone and believe me, it’s bloody exhausting and difficult. But I am giving my best to keep updating the blog nevertheless.

So last Friday it was, after a full week of packing around 50 moving boxes, time for the move itself. And the day started with the company doing the move showed up an hour early than initially planned – at least they called me, but still it pissed me off. But on the end they worked really well, and I was surprised because sometimes you look at people and your first thought is “really, that person is supposed to be carrying my stuff and to dissemble my wardrobe?” – but I was proven wrong, my doubts were totally unnecessary to say the least.

Once they had all packed up and stuffed into their transport car, I started doing a little bit of cleaning and then started my own challenge of getting my cellos and my Nyckelharpa into my Cary along with some other things. Well, I had to leave behind one of my cellos because it simply didn’t fit into the car anymore. My car was full. But it didn’t hurt because I had to hand over my Hamburg apartment on Sunday anyways.

Then the 2.5h drive to Wilhelmshaven – always afraid something might happen and my cello and Nyckelharpa start flying around through my car. But I arrived save and sound in Wilhelmshaven where my dad already had been working in the apartment since the morning hours. And the moving company arrived not that much later. Happily my dad also took over showing where to put stuff because I , not having had breakfast and generally being fully exhausted, felt totally sick and weak and needed a time out. Desperately.

Everything again worked well, some signed papers at the end and then it was the time to put together furniture and everything for the rest of the day. And Saturday. On Saturday we also picked up my couch and it was a stupid idea to carry it upstairs with just y dad and me, it really did break my back and I had problems and pain thanks to that for like 2 days. Awful. I am not a crybaby when it comes to pain but backpain really kills me. We got a lot done, because we got up early, didn’t do breaks and worked onto the evening.

Just to get up early again on Sunday to finish off some things in my new apartment and then drive to Hamburg, clean the apartment and hand it over to my landlord. Al said and done, and I was so terribly tired all day long that I really took naps in the car on the way back and forth. In the evening we then still had some stuff to do and we got it all done.

so now it’s all up to me to unpack the moving boxes and sort everything and decorate it and…it’s just a “couple” of boxes. And I need to pretty much all set up my computer/sewing/music room. My kitchen and living room are mostly done, the guestroom is close to it, too. Then comes my bathroom and then my bedroom and last but not least the room where there is currently most of the boxes stored and everything is looking like a bloody mess. But I will manage. Somehow. Plan is to have it all set up by the end of the week. Let’s see how it’s gonna be working out in the end.

Because I feel every muscle in my body and am really deeply exhausted but still have this urge to just function and keep going. It’s terrible, I simply cannot relax until it’s all done and ready, I fear…

SwimBikeRun Training – Week 7 & 8

Totally not two weeks that I had planned like this – it´s been more of an offseason thing, rather than preparation for the triathlon.

And I feel guilty about it, because I really do need consistent training so see improvement and recovery for my foot.

But with all the stress and the incoming moving to Wilhelmshaven, this is really more of a challenge than I had expected at first!

And the packing and everything is probably gonna be enough of a workout for my body, so there isn´t gonna happen much during the coming week or two I suppose…

29.10. – 04.11.2018 – Week 7

Ab challenge – I still did some at the start of the week, but at around Wednesday I kept telling mself “yeah toorrow I will do it again” – but never did it. let´s just be honest, I totally lost motivation even though I saw the progress so well!

Swimming – So I was fighting this cold and then on the weekend was also busy, so I really did not have any power and time left to go and enjoy some swimming. It doesn´t make sense to go and force it when you´re feeling sick, I had to listen to my body there!

Gym – as I cancelled my contract, no more gym for me until I started my new job I guess, because I think they offer some membership stuff for gyms and such.

05.11. – 11.11.2018 – Week 8

So I signed up for the triathlon this week – now it´s set. There is not really any way out, as I am noone to back off from my plans when I have signed up, unless I am sick and need to carry my head under my arm. There is immediately more will again to really kick ass, and that´s something I really needed.

Ab challenge – Well, I ditched it. Again. First off I felt sick, then tired, then the packing started and I felt sore all along. But I will restart again next week. I promise!

Physiotherapy / stretching – it´s going okay. There´s good days and bad days, but still I know I will need plenty of time to recover. I just wish I knew how long, that would make me cope with it better. Because I am impatient, and that doesn´t help. Also I need to do again more stuff mself at home, I neglected stretching a bit on a couple of days.

Swimming – There´s good trainings and there is today´s. I´ve always been, on 500m, at least half a minute slower than 3 weeks ago before my swimming break. And it also didn´t feel too great to be honest, it´s like I dropped out of my flow again. Damnit!


So, what am I doing? I mean, I now have a week off until moving, right?

I started packing the first boxes already weeks ago, with the things where I knew I was not gonna need them anymore. And I just felt like I really had to get something done, for the sake of seeing change. For the sake of actually getting a step closer to moving and especially to ease the stress that the whole process had triggered in my head and body.

But I noticed pretty soon that the more boxes I was packing, the more I was stressed out – so I drew a line and said: no more packing until I left my job and have my off time that I had already planned back then to actively get everything done. And there is a lot of things to be done.

Not only packing shit tons of boxes (okay, most are already packed) when the stuff you need to pack seems to not get any less. It´s like a surprise box on those 50m2 – no idea how I managed to actually store all of this around here. It´s stunning and making me speechless. And it makes me go and buy new boxes, because the ones I already had were simply not enough. And I see myself to go and buy new ones again. It´s a fight against windmills somehow. And I cannot sit still anymore, when I have the feeling it´s not getting any less. And with a lot of things I have no idea how to transport them.

And now don´t come and tell me “hey, you got a car, put it in there”. Yes, I have a car. That will have two cellos and a nyckelharpa in the back already, and probably even more. I don´t know yet, but it will be stuffed to the max – because some things are just too precious to me that I simply cannot give them into the hands of (professional) strangers.

I really forgot how exhausting the whole packing is – especially for my back, that really tells me that it needs some rest but – I cannot rest. Not until everything is packed. Then I can rest. Oh no, wait. I still gotta clean everything and make sure it´s kinda ready to be left and handed over to my landlord, too. I don´t want to work a lot here anymore afterwards before handing over the keys – I will have enough to do with sorting everything in my new apartment!

So yeah, this is my 8h working day currently – because I really do set my alarm in the morning and work around 8h a day. Otherwise nothing would be working, I know my cute little lazy ass well enough xD

Current count of boxes: 36!

1 Jahr und 3 Monate

Ich weiß gar nicht mehr, wie oft ich diesen Blogbeitrag schon geschrieben, dann gelöscht und wieder neu angefangen habe. Und wie oft ich einfach sagen musste: “ne, das sind nicht die Worte, die ich sagen will”. Aber was will ich eigentlich sagen? Sehr viel. Zu viel, um die richtigen Worte zu finden.

Als ich zu Fork Unstable Media kam, kam ich – wie wohl jeder weiß – aus der Arbeitslosigkeit. Fast ein Jahr an (Selbst-)Zweifel, verlorenes Vertrauen an jegliche Vorgesetzte und Führungskräfte nach meiner vorhergegangener Entlassung. Ich wusste nicht mehr, was ich konnte, ob ich überhaupt noch etwas konnte. Noch weniger: wer war ich? Als Mensch, der sich immer über seinen Job definiert hat, stand ich vor einem weiteren Neuanfang. Wer wollte ich sein? Für mich? Für das Team? Für den Kunden?

Weil: es gab Kunden. Nichts mehr mit nur intern arbeiten und kommunizieren. Ich hatte noch nicht zuvor in einer Agentur gearbeitet. Es war neu. Wie die Kollegen, Workflows, Themen, Macken, Herausforderungen. Aber es ging. Bis auf die Namen. Ich und Namen, wir werden nie Freunde. Mein Gehirn erinnert sich nach Jahren noch an Gesichter und Details, über was man geredet hat – aber Namen waren schon immer eine Herausforderung.

Und noch nach längerer Zeit habe ich Namen lernen müssen – denn wenn man immer nur seinem kleinen Kosmos des einen Kunden arbeitet und ein festest Team hat, schaut man selten über den Tellerrand. Zumindest habe ich das lange versäumt – und versäumt, einfach Mensch zu sein. Sozial zu sein. Auch weil ich einfach Angst hatte, dass es mir auf die Füße fallen könnte, obwohl ich wusste: das würde nie passieren. Nicht hier. Nicht bei diesen Menschen, die mich mit offenen Armen empfangen hatten. Ich fühle mich wohl. Aber es brauchte, bis ich mich wirklich zugehörig fühlte. Und das lag an mir, weil ich mich nicht zugehörig fühlen wollt. Aus Angst, enttäuscht zu werden.

Und alles hat Höhen und Tiefen, vieles ist schiefgegangen, bei vielem muss ich sagen: hätteste das doch einfach mal anders gemacht. Aber man kann die Zeit nicht zurückdrehen, man geht weiter. Immer nach vorne. Und lernt aus Fehlern und merzt Schwächen aus. Ich hatte immer Probleme nach Hilfe zu fragen – doch am Ende habe ich gelernt, wie wichtig das doch ist um weiterzukommen. Aber all solche Sachen sind lange Prozesse, die oftmals auch einfach unterbewusst passieren.

Baumarkt, Erdöl, Ausschreibungen, Anleihen – ich bin in Bereiche eingetaucht, von denen ich vorher wirklich keinerlei Ahnung hatte. Und ich muss sagen: die Erdöl-Branche ist spannend! Keine Frage! Hätte ich anfangs nicht gedacht, aber jetzt habe ich mir fest vorgenommen, es weiter zu verfolgen.

Aber ich habe auch so viele so unendlich tolle Menschen kennengelernt – auf Kundenseite, und besonders intern. Von allen Standorten. Menschen, die mich teils aufgefangen haben, mir Gehör geschenkt haben wenn ich einfach ein offenes Ohr brauchte. Aufbauende Worte, konstruktive Kritik wo sie nötig war, Tipps, ein (flacher) Witz…Ich hab lange versucht, das an mir abprallen zu lassen – Gefühle machen verletzbar. Ich wollte mich schützen – aber besonders in den letzten Wochen habe ich gemerkt, dass das nichts gebracht hat. Kein Stück.

Diese Trennung – auch wenn sie von mir gewollt ist – tut so un-fucking-fassbar weh. Ich hätte das nicht gedacht, wie sehr mich das mitnehmen wird. Aber genau das tut es. Selbst jetzt, “am Tag danach”. Auch wenn ich gestern einen schönen Abschied hatte. Und schlucken musste um nicht direkt loszuheulen. Aber die Gespräche, einmal noch zusammen im Keller lachen…einmal die von mir beauftragt weiß gestrichene Wand besprayed (ooops, böses Mädchen)…noch was Wein getrunken. Umarmungen eingesammelt. Tränen runtergeschluckt und mir aufgehoben für die Dunkelheit und Anonymität der Schanze. Draußen. Wo mich dann niemand mehr kannte.

Und jetzt sitze ich hier und denke mir so: lösche ich das wieder? Weil: es fehlt so viel. Aber nein, dieses Mal bleibt es.

Und: Den Shell-Gutschein werde ich dafür wenden, das alles einmal besuchen zu kommen! Das ist ein Versprechen. oder eine Androhung? Choose yourself.

Aber jetzt muss es erst einmal weitergehen. Auf zu neuen Ufern. Neue Stadt. Neuer Job. Alles neu macht der November.
Und ja nicht nachdenken. Weil: tut gerade zu sehr weh.

Last but not least: DANKE FÜR DIE TOLLE ZEIT!

SwimBikeRun Training – Week 5 & 6

15.10 – 21.10.2018 – Week 5

I hit the gym on Monday and did some light biking as a warm up (my foot did not appreciate that!) and then did the fitness circle there. And I was surprised how much I was sweating and how much better it felt than doing plain training with weights. I should´ve done that more often already before – but you never stop learning.

On Wednesday and even though I really didn´t feel like it, I went to do my swimming training – and I made a new personal best on 500m. I am getting there, slowly but steadily I am seeing improvements. But I really need to work on crawl stroke, because I really struggle. A long road still to go, with a lot ofr frustration coming up because I cannot get it working at all. But in worst case it will be breast stroke also during the competition. Not efficient but better than failing badly.

And on the weekend I had weight training – the different kind of it with renovating my apartment in Wilhelmshaven. And loads of sore muscles afterwards!

Besides as usual – stretching and physiotherapy for my foot and ab challenge. Going strong on all parts that I gotta do, wish it was always working that well like in this week!

22.10. – 28.10.2018 – Week 6

No actual training, besides two concerts, sore muscles from renovating and feeling a cold crawling up onto me.

Only some stretching for my foot is what I pretty much did, and I continued my ab challenge a bit even though I really struggled because I was just permanently tired. There are simply weeks where things don´t really work, and I have to embrace it because: shit happens. When you´re feeling under the weather, it´s rather about resting and focussing on the mental aspects of being fit. because the mind matters. A lot. And there is just too much going on.

Physiotherapy is going rather well in regards of my foot, but the two concerts I attened were not too good for it – long road still to go. Longer than I initially expected when I went to the doctor in September. And now it´s soon November…