Spur des Lebens

Es fällt mir schwer, diese Zeilen dir zu schreiben
Obwohl ich glaub, dass du sie niemals liest
Es fällt mir schwer, nicht um dich zu weinen
Tränen die, du wohl nie vergießt

[Saltatio Mortis – “Spur des Lebens”]

Es gibt Lieder, die hätte ich nie gefunden, wenn der Zufall nicht seine Finger im Spiel gehabt hätte. Weil ich einfach diese Bands nicht wirklich verfolge und schon gar nicht ihre neuen Alben mir anhöre, weil ich sie einfach über-hört habe.

Dieses Mal stand ich im Supermarkt, hatte eine Wurstpackung in der Hand. Wieso ich das erzähle? Weil ich die nächsten 4:30min mit genau dieser Packung in der Hand da stand. Spotify hatte mal wieder gemeint, nach meiner Playliste irgendwelche anderen Lieder abspielen zu müssen – meist nicht gerade eine Bereicherung.

Doch dieses Mal…ich war wie vom Blitz getroffen. Und das den ganzen Tag lang. Ein Song, der mich so unendlich berührte und immer noch berührt – über ein Thema, das für mich nie ein Thema war, zumindest nicht so wirklich. Habe ich mir zumindest eingeredet. Und da kommt dieser Song daher, so unendlich ehrlich und zerbrechlich. Das hat mich ins Stocken gebracht, zum Nachdenken.

Im Supermarkt, zwischen all den Menschen, den schreienden Kindern, den motzenden Rentnern, den immer gestressten Menschen meines Alters. da stehe ich und frage mich: will ich eigentlich Kinder? Nein, irgendwie kann ich mir das nicht so ganz vorstellen. Und wieso nicht?

Und ich finde mich in dem Text, in den Zweifeln, in den Fragen,  in den Gründen. Auch wenn ich noch viele weitere Gründe dafür habe. Auch wenn ich immer denke “wie wäre es wenn” – das kommt wohl mit dem Alter. Vor einigen Jahren habe ich alle ausgelacht, die gesagt haben “wenn du mal auf die 30 zu gehst, wirst du da auch anders denken”. Ja, ich denke anders. Reflektierter. Ich habe mehr gesehen, mehr gehört, mehr gemacht, mehr erlebt, positives sowie negatives.

Und dann der Gedanke…du kannst diese Entscheidung nicht immer vor dir herschieben. Ja, das stimmt. Irgendwann entscheidet die Natur für mich, dass ich das nicht mehr aufschieben kann. Aber…als Single ist das alles so weit weg. Eine stabile glückliche Beziehung, die gefestigt genug ist, dass  man sagt: wir gehen diesen Schritt. Man schafft das zusammen, man geht durch dick und dünn und das nicht mal eben für die nächsten zwei Jahre, sondern länger. Für mich im Moment unvorstellbar, während um mich herum Bekannte und Freunde sich verloben, heiraten, Kinder kriegen.

Und dann bin da ich. Die, die auf Konzerte geht, ihr Geld für Musikinstrumente verprasst, ihr Herz an Musik und Sport verloren hat. Die, die ehrlich sagt, dass sie sich nicht vorstellen kann, einem Mann in ihrem Leben vor Musik und Sport zu stellen.

Und am Ende des Liedes sitze ich da. Grübelnd. Nachdenklich. Vielleicht ein bisschen traurig. Aber wirklich einen Schritt weiter bin ich nicht – ausser, dass ich den Song nochmal anhöre. Und nochmal. Und noch einmal. Bis es wehtut. Aus unerfindlichen Gründen. Aber muss nicht immer wissen, wieso weshalb warum. Manchmal ist es einfach so. Und das ist bei diesem Lied so – es löst etwas in mir aus, das ich nicht in Worte fassen kann. Oder will.

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SwimBikeRun Training – Week 4

It´s not been an easy week for me. It´s been daily struggles against the feeling of tiredness and exhaustion, against migraine with all its side effects, against the feeling of another flu crawling up to me. My body has given me a tough time, but I´ve made it through! Mostly, even though the headache seems to feel really like home in my head.

And as I promised myself, I pressed the restart button and actually did something for my goals again!

Ab Challenge

Yes, I did restart the whole challenge because starting from where I had left off wouldn´t have made any sense. And to be honest, I am feeling not bad about it – it was a good decision and it works well in my daily evening routine.

Stretching for recovery

Talking about daily evening routine – I collected stretching exercises for my right foot that shall help heal the plantar fasciitis . It´s annoying, but I am doing it every evening now, invetsing the time and using that time to also end the day mentally. But to be honest – I am not really seeing progress, and that´s why it´s terribly tiring.

Gym (Biking, stretching, strength circle) – 10.10.2018

I started with some biking and I think that´s been okay for my foot, but I am not sure – it´s always a daily guessing what might be okay and what not at the moment. At least it warmed me up properly, to then cool down a bit and stretch my muscles as I always do and then I continued with the strength circle. Usually am not doing this but everything´s been really crowded and the circle wasn´t. And I was surprised how well it trained my body with just two rounds of it. Next time maybe even a third round…

Swimming – 14.10.2018 (2x 500m +1x 250m breast stroke, 250m crawl stroke)

It´s a long way to the top, but with enough anger in your heart, you can give full power and tadaa – new personal best! Been 30 seconds quicker again on my 500m distance! It´s a first step, and now I gotta keep doing this and then work on my craw strokes because I kinda drowned when doing it today. Hopeless case. It will need a lot of work but it will make me faster, and that´s what I want in the end! And I really have to at least get 3 more minutes faster, otherwise I will be last and…nope, that´s not gonna happen!

SwimBikeRun Training – Week 3

I´ve started off so well, just to really fail week 3. A sarcastic thumbs up hahhaha

And that´s still the nicest thing to call it. Simply because the past weekend has been mentally and physically really exhausting, and the work week has continued exactly like that.

I´ve spent sleepless nights and feeling permanently exhausted, had troubles eating enough (which is really odd for me, because I LOVE eating), trouble focussing, battling stomach problems and feeling really off.

Ab challenge

I´ve ditched it pretty much this week, goal is to re-start from day 1 tonight, on Monday. It wouldn´t make sense to continue from where I left off, so I will restart and hope it will last longer this time. At least I am really convinced!

Stretching

I am trying to at least twice a day do the tretching for my foot, and it´s difficult when you´re at the office but once a day clearly is soable every day – and necessary to speed up my regeneration as I am not seeing much progress. Or I am closing my eyes from it because it´s still so slow?!

Renovated?


On October 1st I went to pick up the keys of my apartment in Wilhelmshaven. I was all excited and happy and couldn´t wait to have the keys and start putting newly bought stuff from IKEA into it already.

I expected it to be renovated, meaning that also the walls were painted again. But when I came in, my dad and I quickly noticed one thing: only the small hallway had its walls painted. The rest was still having the old paint on, and signs of usage were clearly visible. Plus, stick parts on the windows, and broken tiles in the kitchen.

I was really upset and didn´t know if I wanted to go and freak out in certain people´s faces or rather hide in a corner and cry. At least the janitor took all the time needed to document all flaws that the apartment had. But that´s not been all yet. wait for it, it becomes even more jaw-dropping.

According to a document, I had been present when the former tenant had handed the apartment over to a janitor (of the same company as mine, but not the same person) according to the housing organization who thus thought that the apartment had been all fine. At present I am still waiting for a sheet of paper stating the apartment had been anything but painted properly so I don´t need to do it again when somewhen moving out. Because now it´s on my dad and me to renovated and color all those walls. Which is quite some effort that we need to invest – I am not even talking about getting back and forth.

I am still really feeling like I was ripped out of this dream because I had totally fallen in love with this apartment and had expected, because the previous tenant was a nice girl. that it was in mint condition. But not.

In addition, we found some car tires in the attic (wtf people, if they aren´t gone soon, I will get rid off them, I swear!), unwanted rotten flowers on the balcony and the washing machine (I knew it had a broken lock but the “system” the previous tenant had seemed to be working) lock also didn´t work but fell into pieces.

You can imagine how annoyed, frustrated and upset I still am even though at the same time I am so grateful that my dad helps me out. Otherwise I would be totally lost to say the least.

So in two weeks we will go to Wilhelmshaven to paint the walls – only positive thing about it is that I can now also take on with colors. pastel colors only, but still. It will get a bit colorful in my office room (green) and my bedroom (blue).

Stay tuned!

It´s a… CAR!

On my birthday, my dad and I had a test drive with a car I had found on the internet – why? Because when moving I need a car to get to work conveniently. Sure, I could take public transport, but then I would again need an hour to work and back and I cannot handle that anymore. It´s too exhausting.

So we´ve been searching a lot and I found this apple green Opel Corsa with a really nice equipment inside and hardly any kilometres that it had been driven (12km, to say the least).

And so we went to check it out, and I had a test drive. Whilst I felt insecure at first, because every car feels different when driving, I quickly felt home in some sense of it- and that´s a good sign. The only downside was the fact that it had sumer tires on and that those were also only included in the price and the price got higher since I need all-year-round tires. It sucked, but in the end my heart won.

So yes, I have a car now. It´s being registered and I can pick it up on October 19th! I still cannot really believe that it´s real and not just a dream or that it´s not just a rental car. It feels crazy. Even more crazy when I look at what it will cost me but it will be worth it – more freedom! More flexibility! A totally new feeling!

Nyckelharpa – September 2018

Days: 8/30
Total time: 230  min


Perry the Partridge

I started to go new ways, I needed fresh thoughts and not having a teacher made me go and search YouTube for inspiration and useful tunes. And so I stumbled across this page and I will be taking a lot of tunes from there from now on.

This tune came kinda easy – sure it ain´t too difficult, but it felt rather good from the start on, and it was fun playing. So when I recorded this. I had rather planned it for private purpose but I think it turned out nice enough to share it on here. I loved the melody and the finger playing, amazing!


A little own melody

It´s funny how this happened – I was actually trying out some finger play exercises, and couldn´t exactly get them right and somehow it started to annoy the hell out of me and I more and more drifted away from the initial melody and started playing what felt like it could be working…

And within half an hour or something like this I had this little 30 seconds piece on the d-string. nothing top notch or difficult, but I like it anways an the play is to either continue this one or do these freestyle things every month from now on to really feel the music and the playing instead of just playing what´s written in the sheet music.


Flagpole Tree – Melody

Well, I struggle with the speed of the original tune and that one damned part of the tune, because my finger does not want to obey. Usually you play each part twice. But after having tried a zillion of times, I cut it short and decided to play each part just once for this month´s video.

I will continue practicing it in October, becaused there is plenty of work still to be done to get me at least a tad satisified – including a harmony line that I still wanna learn playing and then add it all together. Long road to go, and one day it works like a charme and the other it doesn´t…

SwimBikeRun Training – Week 2

This week really didn´t go that well at all – I felt weak, I had problems with my teeth and was in pain and was fighting insomnia. That´s why I was less active as I would´ve usually been. But I learnt to accept that there is good weeks and weeks like the one this time.

Swimming (23.09.2018) – breast strike, 3*500m, each ~15:40min

I decided to already do it on Sunday because I wanted to make sure I was fit for it, and it was a good choice. Not many people and I improved my time for the 500m, but I still have such a long way to go.

I also tried to do crawl stroking…well, it was like I was a sinking ship. I really need to work on it, and have no idea yet how because there is no swimming curses for advanced adult swimmers, everything is always just for kids. And I am not having the finances for a private coach, and joining a triathlon club just for that is too early, not knowing if I will ever do it again after my first triathlon next year.

First sense crisis already after the second training session, really works well for me. I am so gonna lose my nerves over the whole, I see that coming already now. Also because I find swimming terribly boring and uninspiring…

Ab challenge – Days 5-11

It´s starting to become slowly challenging – but still really no big deal at all. That shows me that I still have quite some trained abs even though I´ve been neglecting it for far too long. But well, many more days still to come. And after the end of the challenge I gotta continue training my abs still.

Mobility for back & pain release for my foot

I started actively doing exercises to get rid off my blockade in my lower back and also releasing the stress in the foot that led to the current inflammation. For my foot it´s als mobility and working a lot with a ball to kinda massage out the stress on the muscles. It´s not always pleasant, but just sitting around and not doing anything is not my cup of tea.

Running season 2018 – it´s a WRAP!

Ladies and gentlemen,

it´s a wrap. My very first running season is now over – at least I declare it as such, because I have not planned any additional “competitions” and will take it easy from now on. All the kilometres ran and the medals and experiences collected have made this year a special one. Because I never expected that I could be able to do all of this – a year ago I started as someone who couldn´t manage to run 500m without stopping and needing m asthmatic spray. And now it looks like I am a totally different person.

My body more and more has told me visibly that it is done with this running season, as I am simply not used to such heavy sports at all. So this is also why it went on hiatus a couple of times, making it necessary for me to take time outs and simply rest and recover. And that´s also why I didn´t make my “12 months a year, 12 medals”-goal. Close enough, though. But still, I prefer to reach the goals I am setting myself.

I had planned yet another two runs, and today I decided to cancel both of them because the inflammation in my foot needs to heal. And running 10 and 12km would get me back to where I started in terms of recovers. It´s not worth it. Health comes first, though it´s a tough decision to be fully honest. It feels like giving in. but I know it´s the right decision, my heart just needs to understand that somehow.

Now let´s look at some facts and stats on my running season:

“Competitions” I have run

  • Wandsetaler Runde (March / 10km)
  • Rahlstedter Wandserunde (May / 15km)
  • B2Run (May / 5-6 km)
  • BKK Mobil Oil Run Fun Day (June / 10km)
  • Hella Half marathon (July / 21km)
  • Tough Mudder 5k (August / 5km)
  • Hella Inselparklauf (August / 9km)
  • Heldenlauf (August / 10km)
  • Alsterlauf (September, 10km)

Kilometres I have run during my running season

  • January – 17,47 km
  • February – 12,82 km
  • March – 90,08 km
  • April – 135,51 km
  • May – 56,26 km
  • June – 73,28 km
  • July – 68,92 km
  • August – 35,89 km
  • September – 10,22 km

SwimBikeRun Training – Week 1

No, I don´t call it triathlon –  I think “SwimBikeRun” sounds cooler and still explains what I will be doing a lot until next summer 😉

So, this is week 1. Earlier than expected, but I am kinda forced to.

I had planned to be still doing running and biking a lot at gym, but I am not allowed to. So this is why I am doing everything that is not putting stress on my foot and making my inflammation worse.

Swimming (19.09.2018) – 2*500m breaststroke (each ~17min)

First time since ages that I went swimming and really wasn´t sure if it makes any sense or if it was gonna be far too full as last time in another swimming hall. But no, it wasn´t.

I was able to swim my rows mostly without any people blocking my way, it was all relaxed and that really made me more relaxed and happy already. And it felt good, though I know I still gotta work a lot on it.

But first I wanna build up a basic endurance and then focus on speed and everything. I still have a lot of time, so no need to rush and force it!

Ab Challenge – Days 1-4

I´ve been neglecting my abs and core in general, so time to change it again. And it´s easily done at home and doesn´t take long at least at the start, so there is no excuses not to do it – I id it usually in front of the tv, to have some extra motivation and not do it in silence.

Gym (22.09.2018)

I hardly burned calories as I cannot do cardio training, but I did a little bit of biking as a warm up, did some stretching and trengthening of my feet and egs and then some weight training.

But somehow I couldn´t really get into it, at leats it felt like it. I did some back and core training in general, some exercises for legs and some exercises for my arms/shoulders. I still need to get used to the situation and find ways how to prepare best.

Concert: Versengold – Worpswede (15.09.2018)


Worpswede. Close to Bremen. A town I had never heard of it before it was announced that the band was gonna play there. And it was gonna be a small show of around 550ppl only, so I was expecting an explosive atmosphere. Because there is nothing better than smaller shows, a packed little venue, a lot of energy…I thought.

So I went to pick up the rental car I had booked, expecting a small tiny car…and ending up being equipped with a massive big sporty car that can go up to 240kmh. At first I was really not pleased at all, because…such a big car? Really? But that changed once I made it out of Hamburg – which probably took just as long as the rest of the drive to Worpswede. Traffic and even more traffic, and once there was no speed limit anymore…man I started loving that car! I was a rowdie, and I enjoyed driving with 200kmh over the road.

Until I left the big roads and started my drive through the smaller villages the closer I got to Worpswede. And it´s been on purpose, because I wanted to see the area and get a feeling for how people live there. And it´s been beautiful, the tiny villages between the fields, some forests…but the closer I also got, the worse the weather turned and shortly after having arrived, I had the first and luckily only raindrops fall onto my head.

And damn, thanks to the great car I was far too fast and then far too early also in Worpswede, so I took a walk and another around to explore the town. Adorable little town, no place where I wanted to be living, but for a weekend full of relaxing it would be a good place. Because you cannot do much anyways, so you´d be forced to relax 😉 But it got pretty boring after a while to be honest.

So standing in front of the venue…well okay, people staring at you, yay. And then one of the guys came to film for their video diary and I literally was the only one hiding. Totally not keen on having my face in close up end up on youtube, it´s not my cup of tea. Turn off the camera, and I am all ears and all in for a chat. But not with a running camera.

So yeah, and one moment it started raining – and thumbs up to the venue, as they let us into the pre-room to the venue so we won´t get wet. At least not the ones that are in the front like me. And then even more waiting. And waiting. And then finally doors opened, time to secure a spot in front row – to wait even longer. And there we didn´t know yet that the show was not gonna start as planned at 8pm, but with half an hour of delay.

Why? Because there was technical problems with the sound system, and we were standing there and…nothing was happening. After a while we got the news, that there wa stechnical issues. And no, it did not mae the feeling better. It was rather the feeling of “oh good lord let it be somehting not too bad”…but no, it wasn´t. Because after that mentioned half an hour the show started. And all my tiredness that has been creeping upon me was blown away!

I liked seeing how much fun the band had on stage, and either I missed out on it or the crowd didn´t even come close to having just as much fun xD It didn´t feel like the crowd was exploding and rocking out. It was, crowd wise, for me an average show that could´ve been just as well in a bigger venue.

Also, I wish there would´ve been more tracks from the “Funkenflug” album, but it was just like a venue show with medieval market setlist. It was cool and I enjoyed it a lot again, no doubts. It felt like a coming home, a calm one, where the mind is at ease and you feel so calm and have that smile on your face that shows exactly this. It was worth the car ride there, as it always is for Versengold. But I think after the two anniversary shows it´ll be good to have a little break – maybe because my mind is always too set on moving than on not doing anything for it and just relaxing 😉

The drive back home was quick and easy, not much traffic and so really relaxing…so I was home at around 1am in total (I didn´t bother to wait for the band to have a chat because there was too much of family and friends of the guys, that I didn´t want to also hop onto them).

But it still took a while with food and shower and falling asleep that the day got to an end. COncerts and their trips are always making my head spin once it´s quiet and I am alone…