5 months without running

It´s about 5 months on the day sinc ethe last time I went for a run. And it feels like it´s been even longer, to be fair.

During the past months I´ve done everything to get back on track and have a speedy recovery for my foot and its damned plantar fasciitis. But at the same time and with all the research done, I had to face the fact that recovering from this can take anything between 3 months and more than a year. I´ve researched about zillions of possible treatments, spent a lot of time stretching into the pain, massaging my foot, putting on cold or warm bags to first make it less stressed out and then to relax the muscles once it´s gotten better.

I started off with two weeks of strong inflammation killers and painkillers, just to figure out that they didn´t help at all. So I went back to the dotor, and got my first round of physiotherapy that was so damned painful I partially was close to crying during the sessions. But one thing I noticed: it got better. I even had painfree days, which I had totally forgotten about. How did it feel to walk without pain? Sure, still in my sneakers all the time as wearing any kind of other shoes was a pain in the foot, but I had that glimpse of home. Just to make three steps back when I made one forward, at least that´s how it felt like. And then I left Hamburg, not knowing how things should continue. Surely I had that one prescription in my hand and then luckily was able to turn it in once I finally found a physiotherapist here in Wilhelmshaven.

But I was skeptical, simply because my physiotherapist in Hamburg was someone whom I trusted a 100% if not even more. But I was positively surprised – my current physiotherapist is doing a good job and it´s been going uphill a lot. I was able to start biking again, I had no pain or problems after swimming anymore. More painfree days, shorter pain phases, just a little stiff muscles.

And this week came the news that I had been waiting for so desperately: if after next week´s session my foot is okay, I AM ALLOWED TO RUN AGAIN!

Okay, you cannot really call it running because I am allowed to just do 1km/max 8min in one go for now, so I need to really keep that in mind and talk with my physiotherapist how to increase it the best way. Because I am impatient. I am desperately waiting to be able to run again, I am missing this feeling so badly.

But these news gave me a so needed boost for my training in general, because I started doubting so badly if I will make it to be fit for my triathlon at all. Now things seem brighter. A lot brighter. And that though I haven´t even been out for that first run. But at least I kept myelf fit in the meantime, so things should go rather smooth. i hope.

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Still curvy or already fat?


Well, some of you might know that I am spending a lot of time on Social Media – and when checking out other people’s  posts where people use these tags like “curvy” and “curvy girl” and everything on their photos it makes me…wonder.

And let´s just be clear before even continuing – I am not into body shaming, I am just seeing things really critical, having had 19 additional kilos on my body just a couple of years ago. It´s not against people who are overweight and see things realistically, it´s about those that live the wave of glorification that came over being overweight/obese.

What strikes me most is that everyone claims that curvy is the new sexy – yes, being curvy can also be sexy, but all other body shapes can just be as sexy. It´s no damned competition. It´s been neglected my the media for many years, and still is by most of the fashion industry, but it´s becoming trendy. Maybe too trendy. For my taste at least.

And let´s be honest : noone knows what “curvy” really is. Where is the line between “normal size” and “curvy”, does “curvy” have to be “oversized” and where is that line between “curvy” and “unhealthily fat”?

Let´s start with what I would call “curvy”: it´s a girl that has probably more on her hips (and other body parts – so to speak: naturally) than usual, yet in a still (rather) healthy manner, and is working out and taking care of her body, thus has well maintained her curves.

But let´s check e.g. Instagram.  Or no, you go and check those hashtags. First you see sexistic stuff of boobs and big asses and then…yes, then you see loads of women who are “happy” and “proud” to be “curvy”. A curvy I would call massively obese. Unhealthy.

Yes, everyone might be claiming, they´re doing well. But have they ever thought about their joints and general health and how much greater life would be with less? Yes, you can possibly feel good in such a body with like 80kg or more too much. I told myself the same for many years when I still had those 19kg too much.

Do they really feel as great as they claim? No thoughts about a “what if…”? Nothing? I am terribly sorry but even though I try to imagine them being all happy, I cannot imagine. I am not even talking about their health in detail: you can desperately look on the bright side of life, but that´s not real life. Maybe I am just thinking that way because I look back at myself and I know too many girls and women who want to change their lives to at least be lighter and healthier because they´ve figured that this is the way to go. They don´t wanna be tiny and slim, they wanna be strong women with curves.

So for me and to make it clear, this whole “curvy” movement is more than promoting women and their lifestyle and supporting them even if they have a bit more than normal. For me, this movement seems like a monster promoting obesity, promoting to be unhealthy and being proud of it. These women might be strong, but why not encourage people to live a healthy life and promote a life that your body is fine with instead of enocuraging them that it´s so bloody amazing to be unhealthy. Because that´s what it is in the end – many studies and reports tell exactly this and ou might say “oh yeah, science, great stuff BUT” – no, there is but. Society should promote a lifestyle that make you grow old, healthy and happy. And not make them encouraged to live a life that will bring them so many downsides in regards of health.

Sure, society also needs to be more tolerant of those that do not fit the 0815 system of what life. But glorifying an unhealthy lifestyle is not what we need, for the sake of poeple´s luck and happy and long lives.

A weekend of digital detox


To be honest, I am really not into the wording of “ditital detox” because it´s totally becoming a hype what had been normal once – not hanging on your smartphone 24-7. But to be fair: I am also one of these people that wake up and grab their phone and the last thing they do before turning off the light in the evening is checking the phone.

So last weekend I decided it was time for a weekend without social media, without emailing, and cutting down the use of all messengers I had installed on my phone and computer. Instead it was about watching movies, eating more mindfully, enjoying walks with all senses instead of always checking if there was a new message. It was about reading a book and doing stretching and doing nothing. Yes, nothing. Hanging on the couch and daydreaming, taking little naps, taking hot baths and treating the body the best possible way to thank it for (mostly) doing a good job.

I´ve been a hamster in a wheel the past weeks and my body and mind told me clearly during the week that it was time for a timeout. A timeout from knowing what was going on, a timeout from sharing what I was doing, from always needing to be up to date and reachable.

And it´s not been easy to be honest – because all communication nowadays goes over social media and messengers, and thus I at least here and there used WhatsApp to stay in touch with family and my boyfriend, but besides that..No computer except for playing games, no online TV, nothing. And I enjoyed a lot of silence without music, without TV. I learned again how enjoyable silence is.

Also it felt amazing to just do things that I wanted to – I had finished off all my ToDos already on Friday, so I was free to do whatever I wanted. At the time I wanted and the duration I wanted and…it was refreshing. And so relaxing!

Stumbling blocks

The past 1,5 weeks have been “a bit” challenging for my mind. It´s not exactly been happy weeks, rather it´s been those that bring you stumbling blocks and when you got rid off one, another one appears out of nowhere. It´s been so mentally draining that I really needed this weekend to myself, and besides this is gonna be posted, and I will share it on Social media channels, it will be a “digital detox weekend”, so just no phone and internet and such.

Orthopedic doctor

It started with a totally not pleasant appointment at a possible new orthopedist close to my workplace. That doctor totally ignored the fact that my physiotherapy has helped a lot with healing my plantar fasciitis because “if you had so many sessions already and it´s still there, it cannot be helpful”.

Well, I went from pain 24-7 to pain maybe one day in a week. But he didn´t care and claimed that I “could stand on a step and stretch the muscle there” instead of physiotherapy. And in the same sentence he proposed a method with shockwaves that is not yet paid by the health insurance so he would make nicely some money off me.

All under the coat of “I cannot give you a prescription for something I don´t believe in”. Yep, that asshole just believe sin his money and money making, and I so wish he´ll get into the situation of needing physiotherapy somewhen too.

At least my orthopedic in hamburg is cooperative and will give me the prescription, so I sent them my insurance card and everything and it´s terribl chaotic but the only way to really get this sorted. In the meantime my foot is a bit more bitchy than usual, and I hope the break between physiotherapy sessions won´t be a major throback.

Gas furnace

What a joy – this apartment always comes up with new madness to get me down. This time, my gas furnace started showing an error message and turned off the gas supply when I started filling my bathtub.

Again and again it showed that error message and the emergency service didn´t feel the need to come out in the evening – and I had to call them the next morning, do homeoffice in a cold apartment just that in the afternoon the technician came around to fix it.

He said that there was a 50/50 chance that the problem might occur again during the days after. And he was right. Whilst the gas furnace was acting all lovely when he was there, it already ended its cooperation when I wanted to take a hot bath. At least I was able to revive it with resetting it again and again but so yeah, the next day I drove to the office but still had to go home earlier just to have the technician come by again to fix it.

He greeted me with a sarcastic “long time no see”. Yup, I laughed. Because at that moment I would´ve laughed about pretty much everything.

So that time he actually did fix it, and it´s still running. But I am still running to the gas furnace every hour or when it sounds weird…

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Long time no read, before my triathlon training post. And to be honest, I have no idea where time went. I really didn´t feel communicative, I just did what had to be done.

But let´s see where it went.

Health
I was struck down with the flu and tonsillitis but I am happy that the antibiotics really brought me back to life quickly – I had planned on trying to cope without and just rest and sweat it out, but when I had woken up with something that looked like one tonsil instead of two tonsils I knew I had to go and see a doctor.

Physiotherapy
It´s going uphill, and the pain in my foot is getting better week by week but it feels like now that I am so close to be resdy to go running, it just takes ages to see progress. My physiotherapist is a cool guy and I hope that I will get a new recipe for more physiotherapy to really finish off my plantar fasciitis. I am so sick and tired of it. Really. I´ve been patient for so long but now it´s driving me nuts.

Sports
So yes, besides swimming and gym (aka biking) I started freeletics to boost my muscle strength and also have the chance to do workouts at home, not needing to go anywhere but unpack my fitness matt and get dressed. It´s not really boosted my motivation, and I am still lacking focus – massively.

I have no idea what is wrong, the fire isn´t here yet. I don´t know why, I am clueless and that makes me even more upset because deep down inside I so want to do this triathlon and want to do well. But somehow my mind is blocked with worries and doubts and everything.

Nyckelharpa
I had the plan to play more nyckelharpa, but the last week I neglected it again, but this week I will be playing at least once. That´s the plan I really wanna stick to and give my best to do so.  I still feel sorry for my neoghbous hearing the same tunes and meloies over and over again but noone complained to me YET. Let´s see when this is gonna happen.

Traveling
A long distance relationship comes with the joy of train madness, delays, broken down trains and chaos. I´ve really had too much of it last weekend when I spent the weekend with my boyfriend in Cologne. I was so close to just freaking out into someone´s face. No words for how I fet. But besides that it´s been a great but far too short weekend, and it really felt weird to be back in Cologne after quite a while. It felt like being back in a city that was my hometown but which I don´t really know anymore.

New year, same old madness


And same old ups and downs. Whilst in my relationship nothing could be better (except the fact we´re living in different cities), other parts in my life are not working out that well. But let´s start from scratch!

New Year´s Eve
It´s been a lovely time of chocolate fondue, stupid TV shows, DVD and watching the fireworks on the bridge here in Wilhelmshaven. It´s been romantic and it´s been the best start into a year I ever had. Let it be this way for a lot of coming new year´s eves please! But cut out the wind and fire crackers therefore going wild and flying where they shouldn´t 😉

Work
I am still getting used to everything, but I am making progress and more and more understand how to use the systems and how to export and import data and all of this. It´s a really slow process because it´s not too simple and self-explaining but I am giving my best.

Sick
Tonsilitis, here we come. I´ve been carrying it around in me for quite a while and always just pushed it away and oppressed it by being busy but then it cimply hit me this week and I ended up being unable to breathe and swallow and had to go and get antibiotics from the doctor as it simply didn´t get better at all. I really had planned on ditching antibiotics, but sometimes it´s not possible. So I am on bed rest and all I do is little walks when the sun´s out for a while.

Weather
Welcome to Wilhelmshaven and its weather fun. There´s been a while with hardly any hours of seeing the sun. and you more and more forgot how sun even looks like or feels like in the eyes as everything was just in different shades of grey, accompanied by varying amounts of wind.

Nyckelharpa
As I´ve been signing up for a nyckelharpa course in May (aka retourning where it all started), I really have to kick ass now to not totally look like an idiot there. And the good thing is: the sound in my apartment is so much better than in Hamburg and I really try to play at least twice or three times a week…starting with basics again as I got a book for nyckelharpa playing for Christmas…

Goals for 2019!

I like setting goals and then evaluate at the end of the year if I actually have been sticking to it – surely these are not all of my goals, but some others are too private to actually share here. I hope you understand.

But the following are the ones that I can share:

  • Work on my body
    And not with a focus on weight, but rather on strength and building a nie body that I feel comfy with, no matter the weight 🙂
  • Take part in a triathlon sprint
     I already booked my ticket for the competition in Wilhelmshaven. Time to explore new madnesses for myself!
  • Run 1 half-marathon
    I loved the first half marathon I have done and really wanna keep going, but depending on my foot this is an unlikely one. but the year has 12 months, so everything is possible.
  • Run 80km every month
    I need to train hard, not only for the triathlon but also for running at least one half marathon. Will be challenging in the winter months for sure!
  • Take part in one running competition every month
    I had that plan or goal already this year (aka 12 runs in 12 months) and had to pass it unfortunately. This time I will work stronger on it – hopefully healthy will also allow it…
  • Read 1 book every month
    …will be a tough one, but spending time on the train every month will give me the chance to rock this. If I am not falling asleep every time 😉 I really have to catch up all those unread books that are (im(patiently sitting on my desk and are waiting for me to read them!
  • Eat out once every month
    I am a greedy being and never want to spend money on it, but I wanna get out and explore restaurants, no matter if alone or with my boyfriend.
  • Visit at least 1 North Sea island
    …a long weekend on one the islands that I´ve only known from their names and nothing more. Let´s see which one it´s gonna be, I haven´t decided yet.
  • Attend at least 3 medieval festivals
    …simply because I bought the season ticket and only then it would make sense. Plus I want to get around and meet knew and known faces and maybe also be photographing a band or two there.
  • Buy veggies at the weekly market once a month
    Because I always wanted to buy local but never had the time, or will, or money. So I wanna change that and suport local stuff!
  • Take part in at least one nyckelharpa course
    I signed up for the course in Altenmünster again, just where it all started last time! And I am SO looking forward to it. Cannot wait!

Bucket List 2018 goes 2019

My bucket list was not really emptied this year – shame on me! And I am really gonna be working on emptying it more in 2019. Simply because it´s time for crazy shit, and changes.

I already have changed quite something in 2018, and 2019 will be not anything less exciting, I am sure about this!

These are the ones I was able to cross out in 2018:

  • Color your nails each in a different color
  • Be silent for a full day
  • Go and see a soccer match at the stadium
  • Don´t eat sweets for a whole week
  • Clean up your wardrobe
  • Set up an IKEA shelf yourself
  • Eat vegan for a whole week

And these the ones I haven´t had on my list but the were fulfilled anyways:

  • Find your fairy tale prince and fall in love head over heels
  • Learn to close the zipper of your dress on your own and without any help
  • Drop a langer (and not not just once…)
  • Keep a secret to yourself

So this is what´s on my plate for coming year!
Go and read, and laugh about some – it´s sometimes maybe random, but still. I love random stuff 😀

#1 – Learn how to bind a necktie
#2 – Spend one night in an expensive luxury hotel
#3 – Do it yourself – sewing. At least 4 pieces of clothing or other things
#4 – Go to the airport and spontaneously book a weekend trip
#5 – Place a bet at horse racing
#6 – Go and bath naked in a lake
#7 – Get a new tattoo
#8 – Cut off your hair
#9 – Dance in the rain
#10 – Do a photoshoot
#12 – Tell yourself that you´re beautiful
#13 – Leave a love message for someone
#14 – Be a femme fatale for a night 😉
#15 – Take a ballet lesson

 

2018 – look back at it!

 As ever year, I am looking back on 12 crazy months that once again changed so much in my life. Those 12 months changed me, and many aspects of my life in many ways that I didn´t think of when 2018 had started!

JANUARY

Injury
I was injured, no running, instead only alternative training and it was frustrating and terribly painful – mentally as well as physically.

One week of eating vegan
I did this challenge and managed to eat vegan for a week and was really surprised how exhausting that can be – it´s crazy in which foods there is something that makes it not vegan…a great experience, but nothing I´d like to be doing on the long run.

FEBRUARY

Versengold in Bremen
I did some sightseeing frst and discovered beautiful corners of the city, especially the old part of the city. So beautiful. The area where the show was, was less impressive, but well, the show was though. I am a big fan of their ballads, so it´s been an emotional evening for me”. More **here**

Versengold in Leipzig
Because once is not enough, I travelled to Leipzig to see the show again and did some sightseeing – even though I had 39°C of fever and was sick as a dog. And even sicker Afterwards. Details? Check **here**

MARCH

Apocalyptica in Glasgow
I wanted to see the guys a last time on this tour, also because Antero was not gonna be with them afterwards anymore once this touring cycle is over. And it´s been a nerve wrecking trip because “oh so much snow” has been coming over Glasgow before I travelled there and everything was a bit chaotic. But I had a great time  with a fellow German Apocalyptica fan, did quite some sightseeing in all the snow and then enjoyed the show in a venue without heating…
The concert **here** and the sighseeing **here**

Wandsetaler Runde (run) 
My first “competititve” run, and I was totally devastated but also happy because I for myself reached an amazing time on the 10km, but was frustrated about how strong everyone else in the starting field was going. More **here**

APRIL

Nyckelharpa course in Altenmünster
After waiting for so long, I finally got the chance to do the course and play this instrument – it´s been a weekend full of practice, frustration and joy and everything in between. And will happen again next year! Details? **here**

Versengold in Wilhelmshaven
The day where I fell in love with this city, and fell in love again with the sea and had the decision in my head that this was hopefully gonna be the place where I was gonna be living. Oh and the show was nice too. Read about it **here**

MAY

Abu Dhabi
What a vacation! Up to 43°C, a totally new culture, new eating habits but so exciting and so worth all the money! And too many new experiences to link to just one or two blong entries!

Fanclub meeting with Versengold
Not planned, but decided on a last minute feeling to attend, and it´s been a nice evening of re-finding old friends and meeting new people and having amazng food and drink!

Medieval Market in Hohenwestedt
Pretty much on short nice I decided to go to Hohenwestedt for the medieval market – simply because the weather was looking good and I had rented a car anyways, so why not go? Read how I liked it **here**

B2Run (run)
I started in the name of Runners Point where I also always bought my shoes, so it was pretty cool, also starting in a group though I was simply too slow for most of them. How it went in detail, check **here**

Rahlstedter Wandserunde (run)
A great run! I started off as being one of the last ones but in the end passed by quite a few ones – probably, from the surprise factor when it comes to my pace, it was the run! And so many great people – but more about it  **here**

Bought my nyckelharpa
It came all of a sudden, a few emails and calls later I owned a nyckelharpa and picked it up in Bremen. What a sudden move, just after I had ordered a new one, someone had to give up playing and sold hers…so sad for her but so great for me!

JUNE

BKK Mobil Oil Run Fun Day (run)
It´s been a run with a not so amazing route, and it didn´t go that amazingly well but pulling through is important – no giving up, forget it! More about it **here**

Nothing More in Hamburg
The boys were back in town, and I did some “catering” and besides that was just a photographer this time, so no interview. It´s been a great show and really loved it. It´s always so nicely cozy in that venue and being so close to the stage mkaes it extra explosive! Read about it **here**

JULY

Hella Half marathon
I still don´t really know what to say – because I am still stunned I made it, still no words for what a great experience that has been! Read some more words about this “first time” **here**

Vacation in Southern Germany
aka Family time and -post-halfmarathon-recovery! Great day of sightseeing, being up the Zugspitze, a lot of sauna and just turning off mind and body for a while!

Tough Mudder 5km
First time there´s been a Tough Mudder in a city edition, and these 5km were pretty relaxed and really fun – just the right thing for the time after my half marathon. Read more **here**

Signed my new work contract
…it at first didn´t feel like a tough decision, but then in NOvember leaving my agency was a painful step to go…

AUGUST

Signed my rental contract in Wilhelmshaven
I checked out exactly one apartment in Wilhelmshaven and for this one also signed the rental contract! Love at first sight!

Hella Inselparklauf
I felt tired and then stomach sick during the run and thus ran less rounds than initially planned, but at leat I pushed through once again and managed to even have a not so bad time on these kilometers. But the feeling could´ve been better. Read more **here**

Heldenlauf (run)
A run with a lot of running up and down and many many stairs that made your legs burn. Great experience, even though there´s quite some things that could be improved! Wanna know more? read **here**

SEPTEMBER

Medieval market in Hamburg
The last one in Hamburg – sucha  pity, still cannot get over it to be honest. Bu again it´s been a great time with fun people and nice music, nice food and drink…Always something to enjoy! Read more **here**

Versengold concert in Worpswede
https://downtothefire.wordpress.com/2018/09/20/concert-versengold-worpswede-15-09-2018/

Alsterlauf
Last run of the season – because it wouldn´t have many any sense to keep running when being in pain, so once last time I enjoyed running and enjoyed that competition feeling and crossing the finish line! More **here**

Bought a car
…on my birthday 😉 Did a test drive with the car and on the same day bought the car…all of a sudden I had a car that I picked up in October. Still feels surreal! Check it out **here**

OCTOBER

Versengold – Anniversary shows
Twi days, two venues, too many hours of waiting in the cold outside, two times frontrow, two shows and no voice left! Wanna know the details? Then check my blog entry about it **here**

Getting the keys and renovating my apartment
…because the “renovated” in my rental contract was a joke. Like, a really bad one. My dad and I spent a full weekend cleaning and coloring the walls and everything. It was successful and now looks amazing, but still. When I got the keys, I was so upset about the condition of the apartment I was between crying and breaking down and getting anger attacks. Read my rant **here**

NOVEMBER

Last day at my former agency
…and leaving was so much harder than I expected…no words can describe that!

Moved to Wilhelmshaven
It´s been a week of packing all boxes, 1,5 weeks of unpacking and in between the moving day, the moving out of my Hamburg apartment, alot of paper work, chaos, stress, exhaustion, emotion…it´s been a big step that I could´ve not done without my dad who helped me so much!

Fell in love
No other words needed. Sometimes love comes at times where you expect it least. Waking up with a smile on your face and falling asleep with a smile on your face is the best thing.

DECEMBER

Started a new job
…and started commuting by car, which is more exhausting than I had expected. Everything´s new, everything´s unknown, and it will take time to get used to it. Let´s see how it´ll go!

Christmas party at the company
…the food was okay, the colleagues nice. But it was simply too big for me and I was too tired – knowing I still had half an hour of drive home I left rather early, to be honest. And fell straight into bed afterwards!

Feuerengel concert in Wilhelmshaven
A friend put me on the guestlist, and though I am no fan of Rammstein, this tribute band stole my heart. Still totally surprised that this actually happened to be honest. Never expected that. Read more **here**

Christmas in Southern Germany
Two long trainrides (each about 9-9,5h hours one direction), and relaxing and cozy days with a lot of good food, sauna, a fire place and of course family!

New Year´s Eve – not alone
…and celebrating it with the best person that I could have at my side 🙂

Merry Christmas!

Dear everyone,

enjoy your Christmas days if you´re celebrating Christmas – and if you aren´t celebrating Christmas, enjoy these hopefully peaceful days with those who are close to you!

I am currently still sitting on the train (precicely, I am doing so since around 5am) and am enjoying the madness and chaos that comes with the German train company.

I cannot wait to arrive and then have Christmas start properly – with wrapping my Christmas gifts (no, I haven´t done so beforehand), relaxing, a part of my family, a lot of food, sauna…