I don´t know where time has gone but today on the day is only one month to go still until my first triathlon sprint competition here in Wilhelmshaven.
Whilst at the beginning of my training I felt lost, in the midst of all this training madness I gained more and more confidence because I saw how times and feelings improved, how I was getting faster and how my foot was taking the pressure more and more well and the problems disappeared also thanks to the regular sessions with my physiotherapist. And that physiotherapist really always had a lot to do with my stiff muscles – no only in my injured foot but also in my legs and in my upper back and neck.
And then came the point around 2 weeks ago, where it all shifted. Whilst I was starting to desperately search for a wetsuit, my insecurities rose. The doubts returned. I am rather confident with running and biking, but the swimming part is really something I worry about because I don´t feel well swimming and I don´t get the crawl stroke going at all.
Plus I always feel like I have to train and work more on swimming – I now I tend to ditch it if I have to cut something short during the week, simply because it doesn´t make me feel good at all. And I prefer doing something that clears my mind and makes me feel good after a stressful and already exhausting day at work.
I now have found a wetsuit that will do for this and next year, but swimming in it really feels a lot different and unusual for me still – and I should be working on that. But instead of it making me feel better, it stresses me out even more.
And instead of now using my time with training and getting used to my new running shoes, I am bound to resting – firstly because I noticed that I am in overtraining (I am permanently tired, my performance is more and more going down the drain) and then secondly I have caught a cold and am really in need of rest. So it´s twice as shitty when it comes to feeling bad not only physically, but also mentally – because being able to improve is the worst thing you can do to me when I already feel insecure.
So the thing I decided on last evening was that my ambitious goal of finishing within 1:30h is what I am gonna ditch first. I thought it was doable and somehow I think in the end it will be doable, but right now I have to take pressure of my shoulders and the urge to keep training no matter what my body might tell me. So this is the first thing that I ditched – the new goal is 2h. And that´s it.
The second thing I decided on is that I give myself the possibility to back up from my half-marathon plans and ditch it. I noticed how it´s been mentally challenging for me to go running ever since I signed up for the half marathon in Oldenburg in October and even though it would be important to start and finish there (to get the fear about my foot out of my mind), if it won´t work, then it won´t happen. as simple as that.
So overall it´s not really going well right now, I am motivated (though it shifts from totally motivated to extremely into it) but my body has been quitting it more and more – so maybe I´ve been just too much into giving it all in each and ever of my training sessions. Now it´s time to recover and get back to normal and be fit for an amazing August with my triathlon, my cycling race and a little mud run!