Day X+295-299 – Overdid it

16.06.2017 – Day X+295
Friday, and what kind of a Friday! I had spent the past day with buying all the needed ingredients for my boyfriend and me cooking the first recipes from the cooking book by Kochhaus and was so excited to try out new stuff. And how it was worth it, two plates of foodporn at its best! Surely it did take longer than indicated in the book, but hey, we´re beginners 😉 And the outcome really spoke for us – cannot wait to be cooking something off this book again! The rest of the evening was nice and relaxed, just as you´d imagine a Friday evening to be like 😉


17.06.2017 – Day X+296
Late and lazy start in the day, because that´s what Saturdays are made for I guess – the rest of the day and when I was home again I spent with grocery shopping and…well, what did I do besides playing Sims?


18.06.2017 – Day X+297
well, you know, sometimes things go well with running – I wanted to go and check out a certain park that, according to the signs was not far away. So i ran there and through it because it looked so nice and then was shocked to see already 5km on my tracker – and I hadn´t even turned around. So I ran back, in the end it´s been bloody 8,6km and I was in pieces and in pain because it was simply too much. My legs…no words. I really felt like being unable to walk anymore, but still managed to prepare an amazing salad with goat cheese as dinner, also from the cooking book!


19.06.2017 – Day X+298
To put it mildly, I was unable to go. Like, to walk. When I wanted to get out of bed, I felt a pain in my left leg that was…I don´t know, like an alien bit off my leg. Or something. It was terrible, and no matter what I did – cooling, keeping it warm, there was no way to have it get any better…No doubt, I was suffering shit tons and I couldn´t hide it. I wanted to really not move myself at all. I want a new leg for fuck´s sake.


20.06.2017 – Day X+299
Headaches returned and my leg still hurt, but rest will do the trick and did the trick and my boyfriend then took care well of me in the evening. Aaaand the bits of finnish beer I had also made me feel more comfortable again, brings back memories all the time.

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Call me Master…


…okay, Master student, or “student soon studying a Master´s programme”. Yesterday evening, just before my last hoop lesson of that timetable, I checked my emails without really expecting any news and and then all of a sudden there was that e-mail saying that I was granted “a studyplace”. And as I just applied for one programme, the Master in Entrepreneurship and Business Competence at my former university of applied sciences, I knew I had made it.

But it felt surreal and still feels surreal, simply because I waited for these news or rather hoped for these news for nearly a month now since I had taken my entrance exam and well, I really had given up on it deep inside my heart already. After all the problems that I am having with finding a new job, I simply didn´t believe in my skills anymore and then this happens. Feels odd, and instead of being overly full of joy, I kinda skipped that phase and am in the phase of doubt all of a sudden already.

The “how to finance that” (still cheaper than if I did it in Germany), “how to combine then hopefull work, my boyfriend, my hobbies and my studies” and “maybe it´s too early”, just as “how to ensure that my sick perfectionism does not return to me with full force”…many doubts and worries, and that shows my main problem. I lost the skill to simply be happy and porud of what I achieved – because I can be proud. I was one of the youngest ones that applied (at least judging from how the others looked) and with just fulfilling the acceptance criteria in terms of business experience, I was below average experience. I really don´t know how I made it and would love to see the score (and actually just this afternoon I received my score: 80/100 points o.O how did that happen?), and that one split up into written and oral exam. For me it´s always important to know where I stand, and just a “yay you have a study place granted” doesn´t fully do the trick, even though it´s an ego boost itself, no doubts there!

Anyways…quite some planning to be done now, sending in things (including a copy of my bachelor´s certificate which is totally hilarious because…just look into your system, guys!) and such…and then noticing that this is freakin real and gonna be great 😀

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Cooking: Fried goat cheese with serrano ham, salad and dates


Cooking book: Lust auf Kochen: Kreative Rezepte für jeden Tag
Publisher: Kochhaus

Estimated time: 15 min
Actual time: 20 min

Difficulty: 1/10
Amount: For 2 people (I chose less stuff though, to match it for myself only)
Price per person: ~6€

To be fair, I was really surprised how it all fir together really well in the end – I´ve never been a fan of balsamico vinegar, but in this recipe and how I used it, it was just really tasty – especially as a contrast for the in honey fried cheese…but this cheese with honey and herbs…oh jesus christ if I could marry some kind of food, I´d totally take this!

The downside of it is – it is totally not weightwatcher´s friendly, really – the cheese is really having on the point budget and generally it feels much heavier on the stomach than it seems like it at first. Maybe not really something totally made for summer, not sure about it yet. But tasty it is anyways!

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Day X+290-294 – After darkness comes light

I really noticed that I need to catch up with these daily stories, as I have been down and uncommunicative for a lot of time lately – but I will manage, I promise!



11.06.2017 – Day X+290
Spontaneous trip to Geesthacht to visit my boyfriend´s family together with my boyfriend, I had the time and it felt good to actually get out of Hamburg, so all good, especially the weather. Even though it´s been freaking cold in public transport…anyways, it´s been a good Sunday, same goes for the soccer cup drawing – so Cologne is playing somewhere close to Bremen, at least something that´s doable distance-wise…


12.06.2017 – Day X+291
I just started selling quite a lot of memorabilia from ski jumping, music, concerts and what not because I started storing so many things that in the end don´t really mean much to me anymore…they´re there, take space, and catch dust but nothing more. And as I really can use money, it´s time to hit up Ebay again and try to get rid off all of the things – and that worked pretty well with the very first item already. I hope it´s gonna continue like this ^^


13.06.2017 – Day X+292
It´s been a while since I hit the hoop playtime last, but I really need to catch up with things due to my plans for the week or what was supposed to be my plans. Anyways, it worked really well, progress really showed and I was so proud of myself even though my left arm started hurting again with this one damned position that I always struggled with so far. But in the end – my mood remained rather crappy, my depression still kept me caught and I can do whatever I want, nothing seems to help me out of there…


14.06.2017 – Day X+293
After darkness comes…light. Loads of light – and totally unexpected. I had already forgotten that I had entered a raffle for tickets to With Full Force Festival and then in the evening got the news that I had won o.O Festival. Apocalyptica. Getting out of town. Turning off the mind for a while. And me. Fuck my life, sometimes miracles happen. Just when I was all desperate about things and was down, this happens…I am speechless, no words left!


15.06.2017 – Day X+294
Actually I had planned to be going another hoop playtime, but I think my arm was overworked still from Monday and also I had been doing odd stuff with it at nighttime – so nope, rather resting it instead of overdoing it. Instead I did food shopping for cooking with my boyfriend today and that really has been a struggle, running from one place to another trying to find some of the ingredients. We have bought a cooking book and will now try a first starter and main course tomorrow…Also I went to sell my concert ticket for System of a Down because I didn´t feel too much like being around many ppl and rather wanted the money xD

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Always on Sunday (46)


I know that I skipped a Sunday, but somehow the post didn´t really want to come out right so I paused it for once again – today I will try to give my best and fill it as usual 😉


// Done //
– Not much of training since my unplanned 8.6km run last weekend
– Application writing
– Much relaxing because I didn´t feel too good and needed me-time
– Physiotherapy as usual
– With Full Force Festival with all its fails

// Eaten //
– Asian take-away
– Too much toast bread
– Too much sweets and ice-cream
=> my weight says “hiii, I am sooooo hiiiigh”
I really need to change this now again, I need to cut down the sweets and then return to all the healthy foods and less sauces

// Bought //
– Tent
– Food, toilet chips (for using a better toilet) at the festival and two cabs (thanks for that, festival, where is the shuttle?)
– General grocery shopping

// Listened to //
– Apocalyptica
– Apocalyptica
– Have I mentioned Apocalyptica?

// Watched //
My usual series “Alles was zählt” and “Mein Kind, dein Kind” – especially the latter is always hilarious, when seeing how people educate and treat their kids and everything and then battle who is doing better…When looking at all this I can just be happy that I grew up how I grew up in the end ^^

// Read //
Nothing pretty much xD Surely the general news here and there, because it´s important to be up to date but no book, no articles or anything…the week was over too quickly.

// Played //
“Sims 4”
still due to the new additional packs, becaus ethose really give it loads of new contents to explore and especially the fact that you now have the chance with three jobs to also participate actively in the daily life…
Also, my boyfriend and I played “Overcooked” this Friday – a videogame where you need to, together, cook certain meals in different tricky situations…it´s so much fun but clearly needs quite some strategy and loooads of precise communication xD

// Thought //
Thought full of hate, frustration, being upset…I really don´t wanna write all of them down, unless you are into several pages of ranting 😉

// Happy about //
My boyfriend being there for me, always supporting me, always worried if I am safe or not, always an open ear and a shoulder to lean on – you might say that it´s normal for a relationship, but I value these things still no matter what. And this relationship makes me happy as nothing else.

// Angry about //
Well, no surprise- first off, the weather. I hate this fucker to an extend that there is no words for this to still put it really nicely. And then the organization of the festival is what makes me really angry. Never seen such a terribly chaotic festival where people are seemingly not even prepared for the cancellation of a festival day and what comes iwth this and the bad weather. Hilarious.

// Wished for //
The info on my masters programme to finally come in…but no, they wait until the very last moment and will only publish it next week, which is driving me mad and sad to be fully honest.

// Dreamt about //
About a great Apocalyptica show, about turning off the mind for a while – yeah, no, nice dream it was. And besides this all kinds of odd dreams that I cannot properly recall, which is maybe better that way xD

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With Full Force Festival – or “With Full Fail”

You know, I won the ticket to go there, and it´s been a massive bonus that Apocalyptica were scheduled to headline the first day- and maybe that would have been the only chance to still see them once again this year.

You see, it was “would have been” – because things don´t always go the way they should or were planned to. If you aren´t into emotional and bluntly honest blog entries, don´t read any further. The reason is that I keep a lot of frustration to myself, but this time it´s too much – if I won´t let it out, I will explode.

The day started early, and I woke up with an odd feeling, a negative vibe, a dark cloud over my head. I felt like there was something going to go terribly wrong today. I had no idea how right I was, and the closer I got to the damned tiny village of Gräfenhainichen, the more I was excited to be out, to have a chance to forget about unemployment, money problems, and had a chance for grabbing some power and hope at the Apocalyptica show.

The trainrides there were…annoying. I didn´t expect the train to be so full, so I ended up napping whilst sitting on the floor – what a great start into the day, but that´s been my own fault…you learn from mistakes, maybe. Eventually, somewhen.

But already when arriving in this town, I was annoyed: no signs where the shuttle was running, no printed schedule and then the bad news: I would´ve needed to wait 3.5h until the next shuttle was running. Other people and me decided to instead go and take the shuttle that runs from 11 to 19 from Penny supermarket to the festival area. So we walked to this damned Penny store just to notice that the shuttle as well was just running from 3pm on. I was stressed and exhausted, and all I was thinking about was “shit I might actually be too late in case Apocalyptica do a signing session”. But no can do, and at least the group of people was a great match, it was a funny time. And in the end we even managed to catch a cab, which was a challenge for itself, too. As I lateron figured, they´re not too excited about heping out as the talks with the festival had not gone too well…that´s another story though.

Once arrived at the camping, I had to fight my way through the whole area to get to the green camping area that I had booked. Once there, at leats the tent was quickly set up, looked good, felt good. Grabbed my bus shuttle ticket to the to the festival area and was told to go to another camp to trade in my accreditation for my wristband. And there it continued – they sent me to another place and and and. So basically I walked off the campsite again, and still some bit further until I had my wristlet. And then there was no shuttle directly going to the fetsival area, so I walked back to my tent, quickly changed clothes as it had gotten cloudy and a bit cooler and then wanted to hop onto the next shuttle – but none came, because they expected bad weather. As the security told me, they were informed that within the next 30-45min they´d expect the thunderstorm to hit the festival area. And it did. Thunder, lightning, hail, wind blows of massive speed, rain…no end to be seen. And I was stuck in my tent, alone. And to be honest, it´s been scary. But I sat there and between praying my tent would not totally kill itself (here and there a crack, but that´s been ok at that time), I just thought about today´s most important show, and how time was running and nothing was changing weather wise.

And then it cleared up, I had hope. I don´t think it was real and realistic hope, but just this desperate hope of it not being true. And then after a while, a second “round” of this thunderstorm hit – this time I wasn´t alone in my tent, I had met a nice french girl who I hung out with and who I invited to my tent – and being in there together was better, listening to Apocalyptica songs. And it calmed down again after quite a while. I was exhausted, mentally. Physically. Hungry. Too little sugar in my blood. But adrenaline was high, and even higher when we talked to the securities whilst their got news in: we were able to go onto the infield, it was going to continue in just a  bit! My heart jumped, but realism hit: there were still lightning bolts to be seen, I was worried. And I was right.

So we conquered the area, went to the main stage and secured a front row spot, I grabbed some food and then bad news started pouring in. The broken Apocalyptica backline and the guys trying to find a way to solve the issue, and then the new playing order (instead of 75min only 45min of set). It was an up and down, bad news followed

good and so on. But I was hoping. My heart was just so begging

for this to work out just for a little longer. And when going to the bathroom for once, I stopped by the other stage and just heard a person on stage saying “it´s really tough for us and a hard decision but…” – my heart stopped. And within minutes I found myself being pushed off the infield, away from the stages. The festival day was cancelled. Time to bury hopes, but I am a strong girl and strong girls don´t cry. So I packed my damaged tent that would not survive yet another gust of wind and made my way. I thought I could.

But the shuttles were not running properly. Or not at all. How the fuck to get to the trainstation? It was pouring, and no shuttle and with thunderstorms approaching – clearly no way to walk for me. And with the help of an amazing security who even put us into his car for the waiting time so we wouldn´t get all soaked),

I got a cab when I had already given up. But I tried to smile. To push away the hate, the frustration, the tears . Strong girls don´t cry because of something “little” like this. That this trip had meant to be a way for me to regain energy and now ended like this…no words. I always had people around, first the ones that then at the station took me to Wittenberg where there was a bigger trainstop and there two people who also suffered the same as I – their tent kinda sunk, or well, was a pool, after the weather issues so they had to leave. And i had to waste 7 hours approximately until my train left to Hamburg.

It was the worst hours. All I wanted was curl up and simply cry, because I felt so terribly hurt. And still feel like it. The frustration about the terrible organization of the festival with the frustration because of the weather…no good mix to say the least. But I smiled. I tried to simply function, as so many times. Just when I was on the train, first tears emerged. But I kept being strong. It´s just been a festival. Just

when I arrived at my boyfriend´s place and was finally alone, the first tears started rolling, but all i had in mind was a hot bath and then drop into bed. And that´s what I did. I was even too exhausted to cry after nearly 30h of being awake without a break.

In the evening it was comfort time and food, but now today that I am alone in the evening (and had fun at the hospital because of an allergic reaction to a damned mosquito bite from the festival), the tears are rolling. I remember the moment when I got to know that I was able to go there due to the won ticket – it was like a blessing that came out of nowhere. And then things fell into pieces like this. I haven´t seen a single band, I haven´t seen or met Apocalyptica, I have spent quite some money on traveling, and I spent the night and morning at the damned train station that opened their waiting time only at 4am and until then you had to sit outside like a damned homeless. No shelter, no food, no bathroom.  How low can you drop?

And here I sit now again, and besides the financial loss and time-loss and all fucked up hopes about experiencing a whole damned festival finally again, I have one question on my mind: when will I see Apocalyptica again? (all coming european tourdates are somehow during the week -.-)

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Cooking: Mie noodles with vegetables and fillet of pork in a soy-oyster sauce

Cooking book: Lust auf Kochen: Kreative Rezepte für jeden Tag
Publisher: Kochhaus

Estimated time: 30min
Actual time: 55min

Difficulty: 2/10 (maybe, hard to judge…but it was rather easy)
Amount: For 2 people
Price per person: ~5€


The mentioned vegetables, by the way, are mushrooms, leek and mungo beans – though the leek was less of an ingredient than decoration…or well, no, not really. Accompanied by the garlic that was also on there, you felt like a growing balloon instead of having a belly 😉 The noodles didn´t want to loosen up as intended, and it was more of a struggle – as usually with those and me trying to cook them.

It´s clearly been a heavy main dish, as I am not really used to noodles and not in such a quantity, but it was really good. Because the noodles nicely sucked up the really intense smelling sauce and the meat and veggies had just the right amount of them in there. All in all clearly a great dish, but nothing for really hot days, rather for semi-warm days 😉

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Cooking: Salmon tartar with potato pancakes and mayonnaise

Cooking book: Lust auf Kochen: Kreative Rezepte für jeden Tag
Publisher: Kochhaus

Estimated time: 25min
Actual time: 45min (but it was relaxed cooking, with laughing and such in between, so that´s maybe biasing the whole)

Difficulty: 2/10 (maybe, hard to judge…but it was rather easy)
Amount: For 2 people
Price per person: ~3€

It was really easy if you split the tasks and transfer those onto  two people – one is doing most of the cutting, the other person is doing the potato work and everything, and then it goes rather smooth. Just one thing: you really need to have a nice mixer unless you want some arm training for the mayonnaise – that was really the only downside of it all, yet it was fun nevertheless.

The meal itself is a great started, because it is rather light, and the tartar is slightly sour and just perfect for summer-ish temperatures like the ones we´re currently facing!

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Cooking Class @ Kochhaus (26.05.2017)

Better late than never – actually I had thought that I would have already been blogging about it and only needed to finish off the article but soon had to face reality: I hadn´t even started, though it´s been on my plate for ages ever since my boyfriend and I did this cooking class. Anyways, now it´s the time for the report on the experience, the food and the whole evening back then!


So yeah, we (aka my boyfriend and me) went to Kochhaus in Ottensen for our cooking class, for food with a mexican touch. We both chose this course we though that this was the one where we liked most of the dishes more or less 😉

We were welcomed warmly, got the first drinks and waited for the rest of the participants of the course – and it was a sweet group, we had loads of fun, a nice mix of people and everything. I was kinda relieved because this mix really is important if you are stuck together for a whole evening.

The starter dish was: Corn-prawn-fritters with papaya-mango-avocado-salad – and the result you can actually see as the header picture of this blog entry. I was really skeptical about the prawns in there, because sea food is everything but my fave dish, and that dish totally changed that. It was really foodporn, and I totally fell in love with the fritters and it´ll clearly not be the only time that I did those. The salad (except the avocado part) we already did once after the course, as it is quick, easy, fruity and just so amazing for hot days!


The main dish that we had was a chorizo burger with roasted bellpeper, lime-mayonnaise and fried potatos. The burger bun unfortunately had already been prepared – that was actually one of the things I was curious about the most to be honest, but well, no can do. The rest was rather simple, even though it took quite some time if you need to prepare it for a bigger group of poeple and always need several steps until you can actually put it into the oven or onto the stove. The burger patties were really nice, clearly something I will be repeating – and the fried potatoes is something that I already did couple of times after that. It gives you great inspiration and ideas how you might even change the recipe a little to make it suit your taste even more.


We finished off the day with the dessert, fried pine-apple with mint-vinaigrette and citrus sorbet – it was totally not my taste at all, because the pine-apple was overly sweet for me, it was too much. The mint vinaigrette was great itself and the bought (cough cough) sorbet was also nice – but the mix of everything together was not working together at all. Clearly a “never again” for me.

Conclusion
Great group of people, the instruction was so la la and could have somehow given more practical tipps and the meal was fab. So overall, I really had loads of fun

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Hoop Playtime (13.06.2017)

New week, new play time, new time for torture! To be honest, when I hopped onto the bus to Aerial Dance Center, I couldn´t have been any less motivated to even go there, to even leave the apartment. I felt weak, tired, and not up for being around humans but forced myself because I still really had to get to practice and work my ass off.

And that´s also what I did – my warm up was probably the last good that I have ever done, simply because it´s this necessary evil for me in my head – I need to do it before the actual fun can start, and I really have a hard time to pull through my 15min of warming up routine. Well, routine is overrated – my warming up something randomly put together as my brain functions as a black hole.

So let´s start with writing about the easy stuff – I like to hang around and the back roll was already easy last time, but I was not really happy about my balancing and leg position yet – and today I tried to feel myself more into it, and look at the difference below – I was surprised as well, because it felt like I didn´t change much at all. and I feel it now looks much better though it´s a tad more heavy on the body.

Then continued with my fully hatred position where I always struggled and last time failed to take off my right arm as I should be doing it for the choreography (you can do without, but then you look even more like a noob than you already do anyways, and I am not really keen on THAT).  And after how it felt zillions of tries, bruises, scrapped off skin, swearing, frustration – it worked twice, and this is the capture of when it finally worked – I mean, the normal position was no problem today, but…it´s just the daily shape and nothing to rely on unfortunately.  Plus, my left arm shows some strained-symptoms again, like back in the days. And that´s really odd because it comes up just since I started practicing this one position again…I don´t get it.

After something tough comes something easy, I´ve been not really struggling with two positions below at all, as they´ve pretty similar to what I´ve don already before and don´t need that much flexibility or anything, and they look good – unless you´re a fatty like me, then the bird looks like it´s been overfed xD I can laugh about myself and that´s pretty important, especially because not everything always works and looks well on the first try, and the angle from below from the floor is also not the best…ah well, you gotta cope ^^

Splits! It´s all about spreading your legs (no, not in a dirty and sexual way, dare you!) – and I am happy to see how much the split-try looks better already compared to last time. It´s been a spositive surprise for once, and I enjoy such surprises so much…and still, those two positions I enjoy a lot, they make you look so flexible and sexy even though you mostly just hang there. Okay okay, no, that´s exaggerated, because you do need strength in your body all the time no matter how relaxed it looks, but it´s less bad than other positions and moves.

And last but not least – easy stuff that is more a repetition from what I knew already before and still need for this chorography, so it´s more of a warm-up and cool-down move stuff even though you do need indeed some flexibility. In the early days that´s been making trouble but now it´s become one of the most confident ones that I am actually doing…funny how things can change. Anyways, peace out!

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Day X+286-290 – Back to “normal” life

06.06.2017 – Day X+286
It´s just…you know, it´s hard for me to be fully back from Finland and back in Hamburg with heart and soul, I knew it´s not gonna be easy but somehow I had hoped it would not be too bad but here I am – struggling…and I really want to know my exam results. I am a terribly impatient person at times, especially when it comes to my future…hopeless case, aka me.


07.06.2017 – Day X+287
Did my job interview via Google Hangout today, and I though it really went well, the other person was nice and it´s been a good and comfortable talk, but still I cannot really estimate how my chances look like…maybe it´s also better that I do not even try to do so anymore.  Instead ignore the nagging voice in my head, and give the best you can…also did some sports and everything, some food shopping and such – the evil necessities…


08.06.2017 – Day X+288
I woke up after a night full of insomnia, and turning from one side to the other in my bed and not knowing how to end this misery. And the day simply continued as crappy as it had started, as the job interview I had really went THAT bad that I would state it´d been the worst one I have had so far. And that even though I would have so loved to have this job – I know it´s over and I will not be getting invited to a second row, but now can do. Only try and forget it all. The afternoon then was better, as I went to my hoop playtime to catch up with the stuff the course did in the lesson I had missed during my finland stay – and what can I say, it´s gone better than expected, even though with some stuff I know I will have to work on very intensively, because it´s not my cup of tea.


09.06.2017 – Day X+289
So I had my test working which went well but in the end…let´s just not talk about it, it´s maybe better because I am not someone to whine about the own situation or anything, I just feel like shoving it into the category “same shit as always” and forgetting about it, but then got the “no” for another job that I really wanted to get so badly…what a shit. Really. But no can do, and my boyfriend managed to cheer me up – we had good food, bought add-on packs for Sims 4 and simply had a nice and relaxed evening.


10.06.2017 – Day X+289
Back at home, I was struggling still with some backpain that had magically appeared and I really have no idea where it came from all of a sudden. But I went for a run anyways, and the time…let´s put it this way, it´s been a run to forget! I haven´t had such a shitty time per kilometer ever before, and I felt terrible afterwards – just when I had gotten into the right flow, I had to cross the railroad and then was stuck there waiting to pass for like 8 minutes and then was all cold in regards of my muscles. And the rest of the run was torture, and I was happy when I was able to hop into a hot bubbling bath…

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Photos: Jyväskylä (05/2017)

MORE
https://carinaullmannphotography1.wordpress.com/2017/06/07/jyvaskyla-finland-052017/

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Always on Sunday (45)


I should really somewhen give this blog entry a different name “flashback to last week, somewhen during the week. Eventually”. But I am having so much to blog about and so little power to sit down every day and write it all down…


// Done //
– Hoop playtime
– Dreaming of vacations away from Hamburg
– Editing photos
– Crappiest run ever since I started running

// Eaten //
– Sweets. Have I mentioned…sweets?
– Loads of meat again and too little fish

// Bought //
– Tickets to an exhibition
– Ordered another pair of trail running shoes
– Ordered sports supplements
– Bought sport clothing

// Listened to //
Not much, I don´t really feel like listening to music actively right now, all I want is mostly silence – or I am watching Alster Radio, a station that is playing mostly rock somgs when I go somewhere as I am totally not willing to make decisions in regards of what to choose for listening to.

// Watched //
The usual daily series, some documentaries and the usual house building series when being with my boyfriend…yes, it´s been a terribly lame week when it comes to what I watched, but I cannot change that anymore as you might know xD

// Read //
Nothing. Simply nothing. After my entrance exam I literally haven´t read a thing anymore, because I somehow don´t feel like having the peace of mind to sit down and just read. I wish I could have back my skill to sink into a book and a story again…instead I am restless.

// Played //
Started playing Sims 4 with all the new add ons – and well, I think it´s gonna be excessively playing for quite a while again, at least when I am not busy with doing other things like sports and application writing…

// Thought //
That the damned tax office could maybe eventually finally soon work on my tax return papers and giv me the money back so I could think about vacations or a sport course and such…but no, take your time, it´s summer, go on vacation, have noone else work on these papers…I have time…

// Happy about //
Time with my boyfriend. And that´s it already pretty much – maybe I need to boost my fun and ego again with starting sewing again ^^

// Angry about //
Myself, my insomnia, life…everything to be honest at times, simply because if things just go wrong I am currently not having much of a frustration tolerance anymore. Either things go well, or I am all upset within minutes to be saying the least, and that´s happened a lot last week. And watching me fail even though I prepared and gave my best is just so painful…and then you wonder if you could´ve not done even more and prepared even better and start getting angry at yourself without any proper reason.

// Wished for //
The entrance exam results, my money from the tax office…many things that did not happen. It´s the often lacking light at the end of the tunnel.

// Dreamt about //
Being fat again, not finding a job and being Hartz IV living in a terrible area and not being able to do my studies and being alone.

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