Always on Sunday (41)


Wow, just did my first 6km run and I feel now kinda destroyed, but happy – all he training that I started for the obstacle mud run Tough Mudder Half in July will take quite some of my free time but it motivates me and I like pushing my limits as I did today.

Now it is time for some blogging 😉


// Done //
– 1 job interview
– First hoop lessons again
– House scores – blergh, should have done more
– Writing applications & handling job agency issues
– Sewing  a bit, but not as much as I had planned to
– Photo editing- I had planned so much more, shame on me when seeing what I amanged
– Stock holders meeting of Lufthansa
– Baking cookies in shape of a meerkat

// Eaten //
– Too much, and too little fruits
– Amazingly tasty selfbaked cookies
– Too little fish and too much meat
– Lizza-Pizza, selfmade

// Bought //
– Food
– Ticket for the obstacle mud run Tough Mudder Half

// Listened to //
– Faey
– Placebo
– Random playlists on Amazon Music

// Watched //
– “Mein Kind, Dein Kind” – Nope, I clearly do not want kids. When watching this you often might think you could do better, but at the same time you see what assholes kids can be – so no thank you. Not for me.
– “Alarm für Cobra 11” – I wonder when it happens that the main person quits for whatever reasons, as it happened with the others – because I kinda grew up with this actor being part, and he clearly is the reason why I am watching it – in addition to me knowing where they film and shoot the series as it´s around Cologne which is still my hometown. 
– “Nikola” –
Always watched it when I was younger, and somehow I stick to it – even have a DVD of it, but having it on video on demand makes it kinda nicer – because every week you get new parts of it to re-watch ^^

// Read //
A lot about how to prepare for the Tough Mudder Half run and what to pack, what not to do, what to eat and everything – I wanna do the best preparation possible, and for some things I need alternatives how to train certain muscles so I am also planning how to do this…

// Played //
Nothing, somehow the week just ran past without having had a second to really play anything…maybe next week I will find the time again 😉

// Thought //
How I would handle if I got a job in Berlin and everything…with the traveling and such stuff…and if I would still find a new job in Hamburg and all of this…too many thoughts in my head to really grab a single one and properly elaborate.

// Happy about //
That the summer dress that I sewed for someone fits and is being liked by that person – full relief, as I was really worried it might not fit.
Also, I managed my 6km run off my training plan for the Tough Mudder Half obstacle run, and felt amazing afterwards – what a great feeling!

// Angry about //
Companies coming back to me after I had contacted them after more than a month has passed by since the very last talks that were had. And still they needed a damned full week after I emailed them to tell me they had already found a different candidate. This my dear company, is not the style you can treat people.

Also I am angry about the fact that some people think it´s right to make fun of me wanting to take part in these obstacle mud runs – and saying I´d need vacation afterwards and would not even be able to make it. But fuck it, thanks for the extra amount of motivation- How can you be so ignorant instead of supportive…

// Wished for //
Less troubles, less discussions, more positive instead of frustrating news and things that happened.

// Dreamt about //
Nothing, really. No dreams that you have usually at nighttime, or rather: I cannot properly remember those, and maybe that´s better this way.

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Always on Sunday (40)

A late release of the blog entry today, because I was busy with cleaning, then sewing and then going for a walk – I had to use the beautiful weather, forgot about the time and then was starving. So this kinda shows the reasons why 😉


// Done //
– 2 job interviews
– Feeling sick – and needing to stay in bed, inside and unable to do sports
– House scores – the weekly necessary evil
– Writing applications
– Sewing something that I was asked for – and I am terribly worried it is not gonna fit xD
– Photo editing (yes seriously, I am back to editing photos from Hamburg Metal Dayz 2016)

// Eaten //
– Asian takeaway (rice and meat and some veggies)
– Loads of veggie and fruit
– A good balance between meat and fish
– My beloved chocolate pancakes that I really couldn´t be living without anymore

// Bought //
– Food and more food and even more food
– New baking bowl as my old one broke
– Something for Mother´s Day already
– New fitness stuff from Gymqueen

// Listened to //
– Faey
– They have their new album “Honey & Cinnamon” out, so please go and do me a favor and check it out, you will thank we later on!
– Apocalyptica – Mostly the “Shadowmaker” album because I wasn´t feeling too well mentally and this album always just cheered me up a load!

// Watched //
– “Die Kochprofis”
– That moment when you see a chef mix alcohol into his salad sauce and probably will not even inform guests about the fact that there is alcohol in it…this just scares the hell out of me, really. And when I see in general how they cook and everything – well, no thanks. No surprise that noone wants to go and eat there even though the location so so freaking beautiful and would be a dream to have good food there…
– “Mein Kind, Dein Kind” – it´s about two families comparing their style of having their kids grow up – totally hilarious how some poeple think it´s okay to have their kids grow up and how they are being take care of. Scary as hell.

// Read //
Nothing specific really, here and there a bit about fitness food, lactose free products and all of this – so yeah I think it´s been mostly about food and healthy food choices.

// Played //
Well, a little session of “Catherine” at my boyfriend´s place, but that´s it. I wish I had a keyboard and mouse without cable so I could play stuff on my TV instead of needing to sit on the computer all the time which is not too inviting right at the moment somehow.

// Thought //
I´ve been thinking a lot about how depressions and anxiety have changed me since my teenager years, and especially how my sudden dismissal and unemployment has kinda fuelled many of these anxities. I always find it important to really reflect on my behaviour, because otherwise I´d have never noticed that I am panically checking if all windows are really closed and worrying if I did so and if I did lock the door – and that all literally just started with the moment where this “I need to survive with not much money”-feeling came into my life. And turned me into a control freak to ensure that I am not also losing something else than “just” my job as it had been. I am nevertheless happy that this gradually becomes less and less, yet I still have bad days where I feel down anyways and go nuts again…

// Happy about //
Sometimes about being able to sleep in – especially when I had a bad night or so, then it is precious to be able to sleep long in the mornings. And being lazy and sleepy until lunchtime is also sometimes nice, but I´d prefer to have a reason to get up fully motivated.

// Angry about //
The fact that everyone gives discounts for pupils, students, disabled and even retired people – I don´t get it, often students and retired people just have the same amount or ore money per month than I do, and being someone who actively works on getting out of unemployment and back into employment, I don´t get it. I seriously do not get it, but maybe that´s just the frustrated me about my financial situation.

// Wished for //
The application marathon to be over, but instead it´s been another around 2 weeks of waiting and hoping, and I really wished for me being able to stop hoping and be more objective and everything simply to minimize a possible frustrating outcome or anything like this.

// Dreamt about //
About weird Easter eggs that are chocolate from the outside, but like a honeycomb in the inside – but in a way that you could still eat it. Really odd, how I saw myself and my boyfriend robbing on the floor to find these eggs that additionally were also trying to hide and run away. I really have no idea at all what on earth this is all meant to tell me, except for maybe being crazy 😉

Always on Sunday (39)


To be honest, this introduction text really becomes harder and harder each and every time I am supposed to writing it, simply because the content just comes right underneath and I suck at small talk (written and spoken, to be honest) ^^


// Done //
– 2 job interviews
– Application writing
– Trying to reach my daily goal
– Feeling worn out and partially really sick with

// Eaten //
– Tuna steak, self grilled for the very first time
– Too much meat to be honest, I really need to cut it down again – but my bbq grill invites me to eat so much of it
– Greek food again at the restaurant
– Rests of my self-baked bread

// Bought //
– Food, drink
– An ironing board
– Booked a cooking course for my boyfriend and me

// Listened to //
– Faey
– Apocalyptica
– Gus G

// Watched //
– “Türkisch für Anfänger”
– A German series that is about a German family and a Turkish family becoming a patchwork family and all the troubles that come with it – all made in a funny and humorous way with a tad of exaggeration
– No idea how it´s called, but it´s a Netflix series on Nature in the Americas – pretty cool pictures and interesting stuff, but in case you are not into insects, you are so gonna enjoy some of the scenes sooo much. Not.
YouTube videos on sewing and how to sew certain materials…

// Read //
An article on how to clean up our life – well, basically also covering the wardrobe and everything, and it´s something I also need to learn. Because I tend to do more than just one “project” a day and then things become just stressful and not freeing and relievng again…

// Played //
– “Codenames”
– a card game where it´ all about guessing the right words that are being laid out on the table, described by the other person with just one word – crappy description, if you wanna know more and more in detail, have a look *here*
– “Catherine” – it´s a video platform puzzler game – and to be honest I am totally too lazy to describe the whole, all I will say that I suck at playing with a console, but I need a while until I can really do that well – anyways, read more *here*

// Thought //
Which things I could be doing in my free time, as I am always on the look and search for new things to try out and find crazy people joining me. So this is kinda what I spent a lot of time on, and my list of possible things to do over the time grows and grows, and that´s kinda nice – just sucks I need money for that all ^^

// Happy about //
Having had a tiny little weightloss – it´s better than nothing. A tiny little spark of hope that it is going a step forward maybe.

// Angry about //
Companies that promise you to come back to you after a certain amount of time and then either need x-times as long as promised without notice, or never come back to you at all. I remember that one company where I spent like 3h of job interview (2 interviews in total) and never heard back from them even though they were so looking for a new project manager. These things are the ones that make me so freaking angry. Who do they think they are? Superior? Fuck I hate this ignorance, they are no damn better than someone who is JUST unemployed and looking for a job.

// Wished for //
Good news. In regards of a job. A second invite for a job interview is not enough anymore to make me happy, as I just wait for things to blow up after this second talk. And then I would get the no anyways after having invested even more hopes and time and power into the whole.

// Dreamt about //
About moving to a lonely island, where you only get to by boat and are the only ones living on there, have tons of nature, can grow your own food, keep your animals and everything…probably describes how I feel about humans at times xD

Always on Sunday (37)

A sunny week is coming to its end, and so have some thoughts on the week noted down 😉 Been a busy weekend, so this is why this is blog is coming so late…


// Done //
– Writing applications and enjoying a week without job interviews
– Loads of flexibility workout and filling my fitbit with steps as I always reached my whole Weight Watchers points and invested it all in food :S
– Biking – as much as my eyes had allowed e to before itching as hell due to allergies
– Seen Franky Perez with Steve Stevens in Frankfurt – it was a great show! And clearly something that I will enjoy looking back to!
– Struggled with internet issues and my stupid arrogant asshole internet provider thinking they could treat me like an idiot – just sucks that I do know certain things…

// Eaten //
– Asian takeaway
– Chicken in all kinds and shapes
– Loads of pine apple
– McDonalds and I really do feel guilty as fuck

// Bought //
– Some not dangerous stuff to support my weightloss
– Normal food
– A baking shape for my bread

// Listened to //
– Apocalyptica
– Franky Perez
– all the stuff that Gus G played at the Frankfurt show, as well as the songs that Steve Stevens did

// Watched //
– Shameless
– my new addiction, it´s a really cool series about a chaotic family. Full of dark humor, and everything…I cannot stop watching it, so I spent pretty much all of my freetime with Amazon Prime Video…
– Grand Designs on Netflix – these crazy house building ideas, alwaysfascinating. And something to learn from – how not to do stuff ^^

// Read //
Nothing. Seriously. I tried continuing my book which I will try again during the coming week, but for this week I failed. Didn´t read the news, nor any articles online because somehow I am fed up with all the bad news on terrble things going on – I need a break from all this negativity shit.

// Played //
Setting up my amusement park again together with my boyfriend, and that was it pretty much – too busy, and not finding really the time to sit down and just focus on one single thing at a time…and it is most fun when playing it together, as usual – you can laugh together ^^

// Thought //
It is funny that I saw guitarist Gus G already before, seemingly with Ozzy Osbourne, at Sauna Open Air back in the days but really cannot remember shit of it anymore. Really frustrating, because I missed out on a great guitar player and solos and shit, and now I saw him again at least. And was really impressed. Seriously.

// Happy about //
Having seen Franky Perez on stage again – it felt good to hear his voice again, see him perform, all the energy on stage and everything…and happy to see how he was enjoying the performing and everything. It made me smile. It´s been too long that I had seen them on stage the last time, and lord knows how long it´s gonna take until the next time…

// Angry about //
I´ve surely been angry about just something during the week, but right now I really cannot remember anything anymore – which is probably a first time and is not gonna happen again any time soon.

// Wished for //
The usual, a job, more money, less depression – and having the time to chat with Franky. Been too long. And maybe a photo with Gus G (nope, not fangirling at all…)…

// Dreamt about //
Many odd things covering many bands from my past and…so weird why this is all coming up right now, I have no clue why. And it is neither full nor new moon…so this cannot cause all the odd dreams…maybe I need a break from…something. Music? Hahaha lord knows, no idea.

Always on Sunday (36)


A sunny week is coming to its end, and so have some thoughts on the week noted down 😉


// Done //
– Job interview with a service that kinda connects you with possible employers
– Job phone interview – and I still really do not like those at all, still feels really tugh to present myself as well as in a face to face interview
– Waiting for companies to come back to me though they already had promised to do this a while ago and feeling like a person of second class
– Writing application letters
– Attending soccer match and seeing my team fail
– Curl up in bed because of stomach pains and miss out on my sports course
– Spend sweet time with my boyfriend
– Biking
– Getting more and more down in my split-tries

// Eaten //
– Chocolate ice cream
– Too many sweets
– A lot of veggies and the usual that mostly kept me in my weight watchers points

// Bought //
House score related stuff
– Food
– Make-up (yes, sometimes I even need to invest money in THAT)
– Train and flight tickets for concerts
– Hotel booking

// Listened to //
Faey
– Ganaim
– Versengold
– Apocalyptica

// Watched //
– Die Kochprofis
– still enjoying stuff about cooking, and especially watching people be so miserably untalented and nevertheless opening a restaurant and then wondering why the pretty much fail – I will really never understand it
– You are wanted (series) – A German series, yet an Amazon Original – really odd combination and even though I like Matthias Schweighöfer I so far had ignored Amazon Prime suggesting me the series, I now had to check it out and in the end did watch all of the episodes (6 only, unfortunately) in one go. Really enjoyed it, though it´s kinda classically clichée style in regards of action stuff and such…
– Alles was zählt (series) – My daily dose of cheesiness and all this, but I feel that I am less and less into it and it doesn´t hurt anymore if I miss an episode. Maybe I started growing out of the whole thing, would be about time looking at the fact I am turning 28 this year o.O
– Documentary on people building houses and struggling – It is really fascinating how people do calculate when building  ahouse and none of them probably ever thought about adding a “risky amount” on top of what the calculated because there is alwas stuff going wrong, but no. Tight, tighter, tightest budget but then go for it, be stressed out and wonder why you are really doing all of this. Hilarious. Plus I really wonder why they always needed so many additional bedrooms – what are they planning in regards of kids or visitors? o.O

// Read //
This article is in German and kinda is about being honest to applicants for a job in regards of never really stating the possible salary for the advertised job. It is hilarious that employers always request information on what the applicant has in mind when it comes to their salary, without really giving any info on their expectations and info on what they can offer. Have a read here, it´s quite a nice “report”.

// Played //
Nothing because with the mostly nice weather I preferred to go outside and if I didn´t do so, I was too lazy to do anything to be fully honest ^^

// Thought //
Anxieties and worries about my future  – the longer I am unemployed and treated like a human second class, the more I wonder if I will manage to find my way back. Wonder if I will manage to actually survuve the trial time of a new job because of the permanent fear that I might not succeed and lose the job again…I fear that I will be stuck in a devil´s circle…sigh.

// Happy about //
The weather (and at the same time hating it, because of all the allergies) and my boyfriend – that´s it.

// Angry about //
Me not being motivated enough to be sewing again and keeping up with playing cello, and instead I sit here and watch stupid series and all of this shit…

// Wished for //
Good news in my job search, alternatively finding a million euros on the streets or winning that money. Dunnot, something that brings my life back to last year summer where it was ultimatively perfect somehow, at least when looking back.

// Dreamt about //
My unemployment, being injured, all weird stuff mixed all together.

Always on Sunday (34)

As I have been away on the weekend and just arrived yesterday and had tons to do, I decided onr ather taking more time and publish it today, rather than rushing through it yesterday and writing it without hard and soul. But at the same time I do not wanna spoiler too much from my Toulouse trip, as I will be reporting on it in several upcoming blog posts!


// Done //
– Job interview
– Application writing
– Workouts
– Food shopping
– Travelling to Toulouse and back
– Sightseeing and going out in Toulouse

// Eaten //
– Pizza with guacamole (review will follow)
– Toulouse sausage (review will follow)
– Baguette – loads
– The best chocolate cake ever (review will follow)
– Entrecote (review will follow)
– Duck Burger (review will follow)

// Bought //
– Gâteau à la broche
– Food

// Listened to //
Even though it totally doesn´t match my mood or anything – I listened to Portishead with  “Mourning Air” as I heard it in the background of my fave series and simply needed to google it…

// Watched //
I watched quite some French TV on ski cross and ski freestyle and news and all of this, as it was kinda the most interesting part that you were able to watch on French TV during the time in Toulouse.
Besides this, the usual – my daily soaps, my documentaries…I really need to wtach some movies again in the evening instead of just watching crap TV xD

// Read //
Loads of things about Toulouse and its sights, its traditions, its special foods – especially the latter point was kinda fascinating 😉 But besides, I haven´t touched any kind of book or anything related…

// Played //
Nothing, because I simply didn´t really find the time for it. I need quite some time and the right mood for it, and that simply hadn´t come up unfortunately.
My time was consumed by writing applications and preparing the Toulouse weekend which was a good alternative ^^

// Thought //
How much I suck at keeping secrets in front of my boyfriend and how hard that is. I really had a hard time to keep it a secret where we are going for the weekend trip and in the end hilariously failed xD

// Happy about //
Being away from Hamburg, and having my boyfriend around me, discovering a new city, with new food and new people and everything. I alway enjoyed getting out of town, away from worries and all such – because a new place is a new state of mind, without thinking about what is waiting for me in Hamburg. I can just shrug stuff off when I am away and there is not this dark cloud hanging over me…

// Angry about //
The massive security controls at the airport in Toulouse not only when you enter France7Toulouse, but also when you want to get out of there. It is hilarious to have 2-4 people trying to cope with the amount of poeple from several planes that have landed. This shit really kills my will to return there until they figured out how to organize the whole thing. We´re in the EU, once we had open borders and had no need for such massive passport/ID checks. And now this. Makes me sick and angry.

// Wished for //
…better treatment by recruiters and those where you apply, go to job interviews to…you´re treated as if you were a begger asking for a euro at times, and this just makes me sad because it is just the wrong approach of how to treat people in general. And in the end those people want to find someone new for their team, so yeah…no words left.
Don´t get me wrong – most are really treating you well, but there is always others unfortunately that do things “differently”.

// Dreamt about //
…a lot lately I dreamt about being a tour manager and traveling the world. Maybe I still have a dream for my future, but it´s a hilarious one…

Always on Sunday (33)

Alrighty, Sunday, in the best sense of the word – a sunny day, and having returned from a nice walk, I just sat down to write this entry – and here you go now!


// Done //
– A long walk (in the sunshine, feels soooooo good)
– A lot of sports (I am sooooo done)
– Application writing (you gotta love it…)
– Searching for a good cooking course (and becoming desperate)
– Cleaning, laundry, dishes, the usual (necessary evil)

// Eaten //
– Pizza
– Protein bars
– Loads of fruits
– Much shirataki noodles & spicy food in general

// Bought //
– Food (1 week = 20€)
– Pizza
– Protein bars
– Price reduced shoes
– 2 pinboards
– Mobile phone case
– First strawberries of the year ❤

// Listened to //
– Apocalyptica
– Sunrise Avenue
– HIM
…all finnish musicians 😉

// Watched //
“Alles was zählt” – part 2641 already and I haven´t missed a single one, and really always need to catch up when having missed out on one episode. It is my way of fleeing from reality at least for a tiny bit xD

“Animal babies in Berlin Zoo” – watched this on Amazon Prime for breakfast on saturday together with my boyfriend…so cute – baby elephants and baby tigers and all this…all so heartwarming and I couldn´t get out of “aaaah” and “sooo cuuute”…

“Pirates of the Caribbean – On Stranger Tides” because my boyfriend hadn´t seen it yet and as the next PotC part is coming closer and I wanna watch it in the movies, it was good to have it on DVD. Not that I would´ve watched it already zillions of times and could talk along with the lines…

“Die Kochprofis  – Das Ristorante Bonaparte steht vor dem Aus” – sometimes it makes me wonder why people built a restaurant in an industrial area…I mean, what do they expect? There is noone coming there just for the food, let´s be totally realistic. Especially in the evening there is no single reason why anyone would go there, as there is no people working there anymore. Plus, why do not people then at least offer something outstanding and not the average menue…hopeless case for my taste.

// Read //
I read this article about children in Syria a while ago, and it covers the stress and stress symptoms that they show and how toxic stress shows and affects the children. And this topic is making things so…terrible to bear. I mean, these kids are so traumatized, and stressed out that even if from this second on there would be no war, no bombs, the symptom of this toxic stress would remain. And mostly remain for their whole lives – if it doesn´t leave bodily problems, then there is those struggles of the mind. Not any less bad and severe.

And then you have those assholes from safe countries where you hear “oh those young men, why don´t they stay, they should fight”. How can people just not imagine how this feels like. We freak out when we have a terror attack in some city of the country and those children live right in this hell. And…it hurts to read, and it hurts to face these facts and I so wish

// Played //
The same as usual, Stardeaw Valley again just as Planet Coaster – and I really don´t need anything else, still a lot to play with those 😉

// Thought //
That I am soon 6 months unenmployed. Sure, I did my 3 months school and certification course but nevertheless it makes you feel like this. Like a weak and unwanted part of the society and it is sad that people still need to feel like this or rather are made feel like this. It was always hard for me to understand how people like me feel when they´re unemployed for a while, but now I do. Unfortunately, I could really do without this experience as it makes it tougher and tougher for myself to really sell myself in application letters and job interviews. Because you´re always told you were not good enough for the the position you applied to, and if you heard that so often, at some point you start believing this.

// Happy about //
Cannot wait for the weekend trip and it just makes me happy to be planning everything even though it is sooo dfficult to not give my boyfriend too many hints that he figures out where he is going…so many sublime questions that kinda aim at me giving unplanned hints…but nope, so far I didn´t say anything and that makes me even happier. Also the fact that we will be away from daily business, away from Hamburg and just the two of us really is something I am looking forward to. Just the thoughts make me happy 😀

// Angry about //
People who always need to give their opinion on stuff. Someone commented on THIS VIDEO how there was physical and mental violence in this videos because of how the dad treats his kid and what not. And I really do NOT understand why on earth people judge. What reason do they have? None. They see a single video of a couple of minutes, they have no idea what had been going on before and what happened before and have no idea what the overall situation is been like. And alright, yes I also have an opinion on the whole matter- not the video itself (except the fact the dad should´ve simply locked the door, so noone could interrupt his interview, easiest way) but the whole “thing”.

I have no kids, and therefore no real experience in how to treat kids. I know that nowadays it is cruel to even look unhappily at a kid and it might be traumatized afterwards and what not. This is hilarious and from a certain age on, even a child can clearly understand a “no” and has to understand it and needs to be told and experience consequences of his/her acting. This is, for my taste, normal and essential when it comes to educate a kid and make it a proper and not useless part of our society. You do not need to be always the oh so gentle and everything person, but do not get me wrong – I am not okay with people beating their kids or whatnot, but it sickens me how nowadays it is psychological voilence if you push a kid away without looking at it. Come on people, in which softie world do you live? Face reality, this is not how things work, nor how life works.

// Wished for //
I really don´t know, more motivation to go outside and move more and…I don´t know. I maybe wished for a more positive attitude and more positive thoughts in regards of my job search. But this is all stuff I can change myself…I just need to do it. Somehow.

// Dreamt about //
Eating a full boy of sweets XD Currently all I can think about is sweets, so no surprise I even dreamt about it ;))

Always on Sunday (32)


Crazy week…really. So much going on, so much happening, so much adrenaline in my body and stress and happiness and emotions and…you get what I mean 😉


// Done //
– Did my written and oral exams and finished the project management course as I passed all exams
– Flew to London to see Apocalyptica and got a meet and greet for free
– Spent more than 24h awake in a row
– Went out for dinner with my boyfriend
– Finally slept again without nightmares
– Tidied up my apartment from the whole mess that I had created during the learning phase
– Played computer games without feeling guilty
– Started my challenge of working on getting into a split (nice dream, I know xD)


// Eaten //
– A pizza from Smiley´s with pine-apple, salmonand corn
– Sweets
– Asian food (duck)
– Loads of unhealthy stuff in London
– Too many sweets

// Bought //
– Food (1 week = 15€ – another challenge)
– Public transport in London
– Food and drink in London
– Yoga blocks for my split challenge

// Listened to //
Apocalyptica. And only this. Especially “Welcome Home sanitarium” and “Sad but true” as I really love these songs and even more fell in love with them during the recent Apocalyptica tour.

// Watched //

“Alles was zählt” – a German daily soap of which I have not missed a single one throughout all the years it is already running

“Chef´s table” – As there is finally a new episode on Netflix, my boyfriend and I watched it together (I do not have Netflix anymore, it was a first step to saving money…)

“Kitchen Impossible” is gonna be on tonight again, so I will clearly be watching it – as usual, it´s become some habit for me as I am totally in love with any shows that are related to cooking – especially when it comes to the competition between two amazing chefs, battling each other with sending them to different countries to prepare dishes that they only were able to taste…

“Die Kochprofis” – another TV series about stuff relatd to cooking, but it´s about a team of great chefs helping out other “chefs” that struggle with their restaurants and businesses – and to be honest, sometimes I really wonder how on earth people could even open a restaurant with even less skills and knowledge than I have…And how can they offer people a food that…don´t get me started on this, it is crazy how un-intelligent some people are. Surely there are also those chefs where the food is not the issues, but in the latest episode…I cannot stop shaking my head.

// Read //
To be honest – nothing yet. I am planning on continuing reading some of my books, because this is really what I have totally neglected as my course really killed my joy of reading at all.  I have so many unread books piling up next to my bed, and that is going on for ages already – I do not know why I am not reading as much as I did before, even though that already started before the time I lost my job.

// Played //
Planet Coaster – it´s all about setting up an amusement park with all its rides and shops and everything…and you can even create your own rollercoaster rides with all its loops and such 😀 Clearly something that makes one addicted!

// Thought //
I shut down my brain right after my exams on Monday were finished 😉 Kidding aside, I thought it´s simply great how it feels to not be stressed out anymore and how it feels like to feel again and not to be acing like a robot anymore.

// Happy about //
That I decided to go to London and that my boyfriend was totally okay with this and even was happy for me that I was able to go there. Because that was really important for me, as my boyfriend has put up with me all the past weeks without killing me – and that must have been quite a challenge with my mood swings and being permanently stressed…

// Angry about //
This piece of shit apartment in London that was full of mold, and you know, then afterwards the host is like “yeah we do fight this with some chemicals and stuff” and I just sit there, reading this, and think like “okay, dude, because you are not able to maintain the apartment and live in a house where windows do not close properly and such, chemicals will not do the trick”…so hilarious in a negative way, no words left for this, really.

// Wished for //
The audience in London to be more enthusiastic and not just staying all seated and lame and such…that was so disappointing, really because I had expected quite a lot due to prior experience but also what I always had heard about the audiences there…total let down.

// Dreamt about //
Loads of traveling related things, of being to weird places that I had never been to before and could never get out there again because of cancelled flights, trains and whatnot…

Always on Sunday (31)


In between final repetition sessions for my exam tomorrow, I am kinda throwing all of this together…and hopefully will not forget to post it in time 😉


// Done //
– Grocery shopping – the totally necessary evil as I would call it…
– Studying for the final project management exam – I so have to pass this to get rid off it…
– Hoop playtime – chatting and practicing without the necessary focus brings bruises
– Hoop lesson – All confident for the performance as stuff worked out well
Hoop performance – half disaster for the perfectionist like me & brought pain
– Dentist appointment – I survived without a injection..thank god.
– Trying not to get sick – constant battle with all the stress and exhaustion going on


// Eaten //
Too much crap, and too unhealthy and too uncontrolled. But as I hope this stress will be done by tomorrow evening when I will (hopefully) have passed my exams, I can finally focus on eating healthy again. I miss it, but somehow was craving too much sweets…


// Bought //
Apocalyptica vinyl, flight tickets to London, AirBnb stay in London, the usual grocery stuff and generally htings I always need. But besides this nothing special – becaus ethe most uncommon things I listed already right at the start ^^


// Listened to //
Apocalyptica. And only Apocalyptica. It kinda indicates how stressed I am currently, and specially the instrumental songs are good for clearing the mind to get refreshed for yet another round of learning…


// Watched //
This time a food preparation video – on an egg in bacon avocado. Sounds odd, doesn´t it!? And doesn´t look any less weird but….this is really tempting me, really gotta try this some time!


// Read //
Besides all the project management stuff that caught like 98% of all my reading, I also had a read about nice places where to go and stumbled across this list of 17 places where you can go to rather cheaply by plane 😉


// Played //
Nothing. I didn´t even touch Stardew Valley except for playing one game-day, which is really not much looking at how much I used to be playing. Frustrating, because once you start playing, it is hard to stop – but there is so much else to do that is more important…


// Thought //
I really need a photoshooting of me doing Hoop. I am so in love with me doing this sport and I somehow feel more confident in/with the hoop than without it when it comes to my looks/appearance 😉


// Happy about //
Having won the concert tickets to Apocalyptica in London, and it´s really come as a freakin surprise! 


// Angry about //
…not being able to keep my Weight Watchers budgets…I was always over my budget, and under my active minutes. I really tried not to dive off into stress eating and it´s been different this time – it´s been far less than it had been in the days, but it still sort of returned. Especially when I was learning during the evening and nighttime hours, I was having so much need for sweets…


// Wished for //
This feeling of being burnt-out to disappear. This permanent tiredness to go away, my throat aching and this permanent weakness that clearly shows how done with everything my body is and how much my body struggles not only physicalls but also mentally. I want to be able to stand up again after a good night without odd dreams, and feeling refreshed in the morning and looking forward to the day.


// Dreamt about //
Loads of crazy stuff that really didn´t make any sense no matter how you twisted and turned it xD

Always on Sunday (30)


It´s been quite a busy and emotional week for me, not only because of exam preparations and the Apocalyptica concert that gave me flashbacks to old times…


// Done //
– Learning for my exam of my project management course
– Gifting unicorn toilet paper to my boyfriend
– Not celebrating Valentine´s day (no need for this commercial day)
– Struggling with pain around the tooth flesh
– Hoop playtime and hoop lesson
– Seeing Apocalyptica in concert
– Making spring rolls for the first time


// Eaten // Selfmade springrolls made with rice paper and heated up in the oven – really tasty, but it takes quite some time to actually prepare it, that´s pretty much the downside of it. Don´t have much time? Then don´t do it…especially not if you´re limited when it comes to space in the kitchen xD


// Bought // Three things actually. And all are related to Apocalyptica 😉 I bought myself a tour shirt (and killed my “buying a shirt only when having attended at least two shows of that tour” rule), a wristlet that has a broken cello string from the Shadowmaker tour included and the white vinyl + CD edition of the remastered “Plays Metallica on 4 cellos” album. I really hadn´t planned to be buying that album but somehow…that´s the fangirl in me, or well, the collector and music lover rather 😉


// Listened to // Apocalyptica and even more Apocalyptica and Apocalyptica again…especially after the show I didn´t listen to anything else anymore. Especially live videos of “Welcome Home Sanitarium” because of Antero playing it…


// Watched // A documentary about wolves in germany – at least episode one of that documentary. It is kinda an old documentary, from around 2001 – funny to see these old big computers and screens and everything, but besides this rather interesting. Though nothing I´d be calling too exciting and a must see.


// Read // Stuff about project management and project management again and…it is going to continue until 27th of this month in the afternoon until when I will be having finished my exams…


// Played// Scrabble! I hadn´t played it for like 10 years and never found fun in the whole back in the old days when I was younger, but this time and without counting points it was so much fun to play it with my boyfriend. Clearly is not gonna be the only time that I played it. I really should be playing more…


// Thought // That it is crazy how many memories a single line up change with Apocalyptica can bring back. That whole show with the line up from my beginning days with the band was just….it felt like being back in those years all of a sudden again. Being that little teenager that has fallen in love with them…


// Happy about // That my boyfriend joined me for the Apocalyptica concert as all of a sudden there were front row tickets available again. It really was important to me that he joins me somewhen because the band and their music is an essential part of my life.


// Angry about // Jealousy that seemingly is really common among fans. It´s not like it´s anything new to me, but it keeps on pissing me off. Why is it so hard to simply be happy for one another´s “achievements”? 


// Wished for // The Apocalyptica show to last forever because it´s still one of the most effective ways for me to really forget everything around me for how long it lasts. But also I wished for this whole hassle to be over with job applications, job interviews and that oral and written final exam. It is eating me up from the inside, it´s like the flame inside of me is getting smaller and smaller…


// Dreamt about // My boyfriend wanting to sing Carneval songs in my apartment and I told him it´s forbidden at my place and he didn´t care so I had to throw him out. I am not entirely sure how to interprete this except for me hating Carneval quite a bit xD