I am putting these two months together, because I think I´ve been working out more with garden duties than really with sports, even though I really tried – but mind and body just didn´t feel like it here and there.
August
The first half of August I did some swimming and some gym, but as mentioned already above, most of the days I rather worked in the garden than at gym or in the swimming pool. My mind did not want to bother with sports, I was still feeling really upset and needed a break, so for the full month I actually had the plan to just do whatever I felt like – which mostly was everything but not working out in the classical sense. In the second half of the months I tried to kick my ass and workout more regularly, meaning I started upping my swim session times and also the time I had been spending at gym. My body did not approve, again and again I had to taker a break again so that my body was not fully going on hiatus with its damned long covid issues once again. But I was taking it with humor, as I had planned some resting anyways.
Swimming: 8km Gym: 6:41h
September
I had plans to get back into a structured training again, still knowing that I´d be needing more rest than before my covid infection but let´s be honest: my body had different kind of plans, and they just included resting and feeling sick with long covid. And once that started, my head also joined and went on hiatus, and I felt like nothing really wanted to work out. I had the training session all well-planned, with lot of rest days, but in the end it only worked out in then second half of the month and then the only regular thing I did was my swim coachings and more or less my daily stretching sessions to at least be doing something. It´s been a devastating month, one that made me really struggle mentally and physically and really made me wonder about the coming season and what I am gonna be able to do and achieve until then – taking into account all the health issues that I am facing. It´s a totally new situation for me, and I am still not fully able to understand or imagine how to make things work without overtaxing my body. Maybe it´s time for a coach, I don´t know.
There is good months, and then there is months like July where you hit the bottom and know it´s all just fucked up, no matte rhow hard you´ve tried and how hard you´re trying and will be trying.
Whilst the month still started with having at least a bit of hope to be racing at Silbersee triathlon at the end of the month (olympic distance) and Nordseeman (middle distance), at the middle of the month it was certain that at least Nordsee man was never gonna work out and thus had to give in and cancel – also because the Long Covid attack that I had really showed me that massive physical stress is nothing that my body can handle. It the continued with a lack of motivation and a tad of frustration, which in combination with the evergrowing pain in my foot (yay, inflammation!) then led to the ultimate decision to also not be racing at Silbersee triathlon and therefore end my triathlon and running season after exactly one race and in the middle of summer.
Up until this point, I really tried to push myself, and it didn´t look too bad with swimming – the performance was alright, and the amount of swim sessions were also fine, and I even enjoyed it. cycling also improved a lot, but there my foot also was in pain, even though far less than whilst running. Painkillers had become my best friend before the running and cycling sessions, and still the side effects were nasty and didn´t exactly make my training as efficient as I would´ve needed it to be – and let´s not even talk about how tough it was mentally to keep pulling through even though you felt like fighting against windmils, a fight you deep inside knew you´d never be winning in the end.
Volunteering instead of racing!
After having also decided that I will not be doing Silbersee Triathlon, I also decided to immediately stop cycling and running for the sake of my foot that really does need this break in order to recover – it sucks because summer and cycling, there is no better time to do that, go outside and enjoy the sunshine and wind whilst exploring new places. But no can do, I have to swallow that very bitter pill. I also cut down swimming to once a week, and to not get totally fat, added one gym session a week to the plan. I am not sure when I will increase the amount and length of the training sessions again, right now and maybe until midst August it´s only about feeling good, calming down and focussing on getting health again – and not just physically, but also mentally the past weeks and months have been wearing me down a lot and body and mind are simply so fucking tired that there is no damn word for it anymore.
Last but not least, the awful stats for this month – all far off from what I had planned once, and even far off from what the adjusted plans had been in the end:
When looking at the numbers and also how I felt like whilst doing the sports, it´s good to see all the improvements. And for me, those are massively visible for June.
Cycling really went through the roof with more than 200km this month – as a comparison, May didn´t even have 50km, so a lot more of cycling, a lot more of sweating and swearing, a flat tire in the middle of damn nowhere because I wanted to go “off road” instead of sticking to the road…and ended up waiting an hour for my taxi home and paid 80 euros. Not exactly how I had imagined this training session but at times you gotta learn things in a painful way, and believe me, I did learn my lesson.
Besides, I am sloooowly getting there in regards of speed, but a lot of work is still needed to finish my season highlight properly. Not sure if I am reaching the 28kmh as average speed on the 90km part of the middle distance in a bit more than a month, but I am trying hard!
Distance increasing is what I am all up to right now, also applies to my swimming. The increase is not as big as with cycling, but it´s been more than 4km each week, so yes. The goal is around 6km a week, but no pressure, I am taking it at my very own speed because everything else is just killing my lung here.
After the terrible triathlon experience I started training only outside in the pool to get used to the colder water – meant at 8°C outside temperature, that I also went swimming outside. Oh that joy! What I also started based on this experience was open water swimming, a first training in the lake was survived and I was surprised how damn much longer the distance feels there, but at the same time: wow, I was faster than in the pool even though I felt like I didn´t move at all!
The only thing that, just as before, is lacking, is my running. The only running I did was during the triathlon, because all other tries ended badly: eithe rlung killed me, or the pain in my ankle did. This part of the triathlon really is becoming the major issue for me, still feels weird because it´s been my best discipline once. Anyways, hopefully July is gonna bring some improvements, as I really need to get the kilometres in, the middle distance comes with a halfmarathon…and I cannot run that one with literally no running training at all!
So I´ve been waiting for this moment to happen for the past 2,5 years – or even a tad more, as the first and only triathlon I did was in August 2019 here in Wilhelmshaven. And still, I had been hesitating a lot to decide if I will actually race or take a DNS (did not start) as a valid option. My covid infection has been still taking its toll on me, and the days before the actual race the symptoms here and there had worsened, the breathing had started to feel more exhausting again and this general exhaustion had increased once again. But honestly, my heart so badly wanted me to drive to Hannover and go for it, so I followed and did what my heart had to say. If it was smart, I doubt it in the end.
The day started well, I felt good , had only a bit of dizziness and no other symptoms – but that changed during the drive to Hannover aleady, as this immensely strong exhaustion returned, and I got stiff muscles. can´t put into words how happy I was when I was finally getting off the car, packing up my stuff and started walking to the race area. Checkin went quick, everything was well organized and people were extremely nice, the sun was shining, it was amazing!
But only until the point of “fuck, where are you swimming goggles?”. Yes, I forgot them at home, and it´s not like I have three pairs of those in total. But they were comfy and lazy at home, great success! Spent an hour going nuts and trying to find someone with spare goggles, but failed – but at least they had finished setting up their little store and I was able to buy new goggles (that in the end did not fit exactly well). What surprised me was the news that lateron came around – no wetsuit allowed, water supposedly 23,9°C warm but let´s be clear: the water did never ever have this temperature in the area where you were swimming.
Because when entering the water with my starting group, everyone was grasping for air, and my lung literally committed suicide. My heartrate exploded, and even before the actual start and whilst the sea weed was all around and clinging to your legs, I felt the first asthma issues arrive. Start then was awful, I felt like getting beaten up, was unable to find a swimming rhythm in this cold water and just did normal breast stroke for most of the time, only on the way back finally managed to more or less get a stable rhythm – mostly because I was so slow that there was enough space. I said I was slow, but the time was still okay, slower than I had hoped but it´s okay.
What wasn´t okay was my ankle – had taken painkillers before the race but had to notice when getting out of the water and “running” to the transition area (it´s been a looooong run, believe me) that ma ankle was so painful I could´ve cried. I got my shit together and kept going, changed and got my cycling stuff on and got going. After few kilometres of pushing myself so hard that my weak legs were burning, I needed my asthma inhaler – the wind had different plans, as it got stronger and I had to quickly get also my second hand to my bike and then was just able to wave goodbye to my asthma inhaler as it flew into the bushes. The cereal bar I had taped to my bike was so dry that it crumbled away and the paikillers, also taped to the bike, flew off, too. So basically within 10min, I was able to watch it all blow up even more.
And if my breathing issues were not enough, it started again – the weakness in my legs and arms that I here and there have since my Covid infection. If you combine that with muscle cramps, you can imagien how I felt whilst fighting against the changing winds on the route. And with the cramps in my muscles and the reoccuring breathing issues and pain in my lung, this cycling part felt like it was never gonna end. So when I saw that one photographer, I decided: relax, smile, you got nothing to lose anyways because your performance sucks, so at least fake it for a nice photo – and I think that worked 😉
Once I arrived at the transition zone again, and went to where my bib number was in regards of my bike place I was irritated and needed to double check if I was at the right place – there was a bike already. So I had to shout and order someone to get this bike off my place, and that really pissed me off – I mean, yes, no hurry because I wasn´t racing for any top spot anyways, but I hate people who just don´t care and do such stuff. At lest it made me have some seconds of breathing calmly before starting into the most horrible part of the day: running.
I hadn´t been running for a month because of my lung issues and then my foot, and my foot was aching, I had no asthma inhaler and my lung was already burning. I think it´s been the 5km that felt like running through hell and I was so close to giving in so many times. The pain and exhaustion were just so massive, and the sunshine and there no wind made it nearly unbearable for me. Also, because I wasn´t used to warm weather at all, here at the coast so far the temperatures didn´t feel much like summer.
When, after two rounds with each 2,5km I finally saw the finish line, I didn´t feel any happiness, just the relief of being done with it in a short while and then being able to start forgetting about this day. But first I went to the emergency aid tent because my lung was ove rits limit, my oxyge saturation was scarily low and I needed some asthma inhaler to make my lung relax before I was even able to notice properly the race was over and I was able to relax then. The people there were amazingly lovely, I felt so safe and well-treated, took the stress and fear away when I was lying there.
So yeah. And if all of this wasn´t enough, I found out I had scored the last place, women and men, all age groups. I always had told myself everything was fine if I wasn´t finishing last. Well, big fail, and a fail that didn´t only throw back my body in regards of Covid symptoms and general health, but also fully destroyed my ego – and both things will take their time to recover from this.
P.S. I treated myself and tried to beat the frustration with trash food, but let me tell you: it of course did not work at all, but at least refilled my body with all the things it (doesn´t) need 😉
It´s been pretty much a month that started with big hopes, that then more and more grew for one side and were really destroyed for some other part. Why would any month just go all smooth for a change? Yep, would be boring and clearly not be my life.
Let´s start with what has become maybe the strongest discipline for me – swimming. It´s odd, many people have the most issues with swimming after their Covid infection, for me it´s the easiest one because you are literally forced to have a certain breathing rhythm which is what my lung still needs in order not to shut down and call it a day. I am amazed by the progress I have made in May, and it makes my ego feel so good when seeing that all the bloody hard work pays off. I am not where I had been before my infection, but really close. And I had never expected to be there so quickly, well, comparably quick. Also, it´s been the month where I did 15,8km of swimming, no other month since I started triathlon and triathlon training had more than this. Didn´t even feel like that – a good sign, maybe it´s not that boring after all.
But this was only possible because of the biggest fail and problem that came up during the month – and that concerns what once was my strength: running (10,8km). I have twisted my ankle somewhen and somehow most likely during garden work, and the pain somehow didn´t leave. I did two runs, the first two after my infection and the first one felt tough but doable, and the second one felt like killing my lung and then shit hit the fan and I could go running at all anymore because of this crippling pain. Went to see the doctor, and he said it was overstretched liagment in the ankle, and rest and a tape should fix it (spoiler: it´s June and it it still hurts like bloody hell). My head really wanted to go running, it´s longing for it, but I had to restrict myself and do what the doctor said, there is just no other way.
A bit of cycling (49,3km) was possible nevertheless, but there I was facing two major issues: my lung at first really did not like the crunched position on the bike, and then the thing with my ankle came up. The breathing issue I was able to work with, it´s something where you just needed to tell yourself to find a breathing rhythm in your head and stick to it. or at least try or pretend or whatsoever. The thing with my ankle was making more issues though, because putting pressure on the foot partially was impossible, and getting my foot and shoe off the pedal always caused major pain in that foot. It´s not been going where I had expected it to go, I am far behind, also because bike inspection and some fixing took longer and stole additional training time. It sucks because you spend most time on the bike, so the performance just has to be well there in order for it to go well overall.
But I wasn´t lazy because the issues with my akle, instead I also went and hit the gym for leg and arm strength training, and at home I did the usual stretching and core training, stability and mobility training – I really did my best, went to my personal limits where my head and also my body was still okay with. But it´s not been easy, it´s been far away from that.
Simply because if it worked on one day, the next day might be a total fail – and you never know what happens, why it happens, and how your performance will look like. It´s like someone is throwing a dice, and that doesn´t build confidence which actually is needed for the races that are coming up.
These two months really were one hell of a rollercoaster ride, there was everything in it – from feeling like being at its best to being at my lowest, frustration, happiness, hard work, sweat, blood and tears…
March
The month started pretty well, even though it was a slow start – managing all sessions was really a tough thing for me somehow, I was having again and again problems with my head when it comes to running for unknown reasons. It´s like this blockade is coming back and leaving again as it happily wants, and it´s been driving me nuts – especially having Hannover half-marathon coming up and seeing that my running was nowhere where I´d say it´s a proper and good preparation for this. On top I got, what I back then thought, a cold right before the half.-marathon with aching throat and feeling sick and such, so I had to pause again.
Swimming went really well, so confident and happy with the performance, every session it feels easier and goes quicker and it is less exhausting and everything. So damn good, patience and the hard work of the past two years now really starts to pay off. Same actually goes for cycling, I am indoors because of the weather and my “mimimi”, sweat baby sweat is the rule, and I keep on being able to increase the watt numbers during my sessions and I really enjoy the road I am on!
April
Oh April, you fool…it all started so well with the half-marathon in Hannover that I managed quite well looking at the lack of proper training beforehand and feeling a bit sick – and then happened, what had to happen at some point. I was Covid positive, meant one week of being struck down and hardly being able to do stretching, and then two more weeks of no to little training.
I´ve re-started swimming and cycling, and both need a lot of work, patience and willpower to really get back to where I was. because I was right where I wanted to be for the coming competitions in summer, and now it´s all in ruins. It´s upsetting, and I am not blessed with a lot of patience, so it´s a tough road with baby steps – but there is steps, and I am not yet willing to bury my hopes and plans for summer.
Writing my training plan for May was “fun”, trying to fit in everything that needs to be in – as I will also return to running then, and needless to say, I am a bit worried with all allergies and the post-covid issues with my lung, but I need to free my mind from such worries.
Soon March is coming to its end and I still haven´t reported on January and February…maybe because these two months weren´t really filled with a lot of exciting things, but I will have a look back anyways for you!
I spent a lot of time with resting, here some issues, there some pain, then a little surgery with my nose that I had to take and that at least made me able to breathe through my nose again a bit more than before…it´s been a nice up and down, that permanently had some new ideas coming how to make a proper and stable training impossible.
Running
I started slowly into the year – I was facing issues with my feet (and they´re still not all good) due to trying out a seemingly wrong pair of shoes for too long and then my joints of the feet didn´t really feel happy and made that clear to me – ended up in a doctor´s appointment even. Nothing permanently harmed, but made it necessary for me to cut down on my initial plans and goals and I had to take it easy and slow.
In general I was everything bt not pleased with my running, again and again I felt like it was aburden with the gained weight and on top of that, my head decided it was time to act up again – and this mix really felt like poisoning me slowly from within. I really hope that the coming months will be better, otherwise this year will be a total fuckup…
Cycling
Iam getting better when looking at the Watts, but my butt is making huge problems the longer the indoor season lasts, to put it nicely and without any swearing. I enjoy the video rides through exisitng landscapes and all of this, whilst also watching TV, but somehow…it´s become a drag and I am not looking forward to those training sessions and that´s why I hardly ever manage to squeeze in two instead of just session. Clearly something I have to be working on in the coming months, as cycling is one of the most essential parts of the triathlong looking at the distance and thus time you spend with it. So yeah, there is a lot of space for improvement still, and I am willing to kick ass!
Swimming
Swimming seems to be the only thing where I am totally happy with – I see a steady progress. Sure, there is days where I feel like drowning, too, but the majority really makes me feel like the hard work is paying off. And swimming started to feel relaxing and making my head be at ease, and that´s somehting I never expected. That I can just go and swim, turn the head off and feel fresh after the training session. I started slowly increasing the duration/length of my training distances, and so far it´s been going very well.
The coached session in my swim course also still help me, especially with my leg work and getting faster – because I am at a point now, where I heard the plateau calling so I need extra kicks in the butt to really keep pushing and not feel comfortable with where I am at.
New year, new goals and plans – but for a change and in contrast to the past years, my goals look quite differently, but the plans are similar.
The past two years, i focussed on my performance, I was in a much better shape, mentally and physically. But especially the mental part is the weak spot for this season. After having experienced how tough it can be to get out of this dark spot of the mental side breaking into pieces and making it physically impossible to do my running (on top of my gastritis probably being caused by my training), I made a tough decision and I am feeling really good about it.
And that decision is, that my only goal is TO HAVE FUN…and not be the last one to finish during my races! I am not aiming for personal bests, not planning any finish times, I just wanna feel good, mentally and physically, with what I am doing. Anf if that means that I will be slower than during my last races before the pandemic hit, then this is toally fine for 2022.
This is my race calendar, mostly filled by the past two years – aka the races that I did not cancel but decided to take with me every year…i am always worried I missed out on some competitions because it´s become quite messy…
April: Half-marathon at Hannover Marathon
May: Nothing so far!
June: Sprint-distance triathlon (Wasserstadt Limmer), Hella halfmarathon in Hamburg (hopefully it won´t be hot…)
August: NordseeMan Mitteldistanz (or if it was sponsored by ironman, Ironman 70.3 – aka half a full distance, a first time and I am scared!)
September: Nothing planned yet, maybe some local race to keep the spirits up
October: Köln Marathon (and my very first marathon!)
So yes, it´s fewer competitions than I had initially planned for the past two seasons, but I´ve lost quite some money with the cancellations and might decide some last minute starts – also depending on how I feel. I learnt that I do not earn any money with this all, so I can take it easy and not overtax myself. Every bit of pressure I can get rid off is currently the key to my very own definition of success. And to be honest, deep down inside of me I have some times and wishes how I want to finish my races, but I am realistic and know that I have to keep them – for next year 😉
Whilst October still had been my off-month where I tried to relax and regain power, mentally and physically, November had been the time to get re-started and try to find the hang of it again and get back into the oh so needed flow before starting fully structured training in January again…
But now, let´s first talk about how things went at the end of the year, with all of its ups and downs and madnesses, unplanned surprises and …such things.
November
A difficult month to say the least, with many ups and downs. I started off well, loads of swimming, cycling and going for long walks – didn´t yet dare to go for a run because my head just seemed not to be ready back then. And it felt good to spend lots of time cycling, I had that phase where I felt like I could do this each and every day if my body wasn´t acting up. And my body acting up was the issue in November, I never knew how my stomach was going to react when working out, so it was a dance on a razorblade each and every time, which was mentally tiring.
At the end of months I went back to running again, slowly, at my pace, no plan for pace, distance or anything. I just wanted to try if running was working again, being careful and listening to me and immediately stopping the running sessions when I had the slightest unwell-feeling coming up or a sign that my head was not happy with it.
But the opposite was the case, whilst my body told me I was a 100% out of shape and slow as fuck, my head kept screaming for longer and more runs and I felt like needing to shut it up in order not to overdo and screw it up. It´s been a tough split between doing the right thing and doing one step too much. But I think I handled well and was all confident and happy until the thirs Covid vaccination came and kicked me out of life for a whole week, still feeling weak afterwards.
December
In the first week, all I did was stretching, going for longer walks and doign easy indoor cycling sessions because I felt sick from my vaccination and my stomach has been making troubles again due to my gastritis. When I got back to more cycling and running, the Feuerengel shows in Bremen maybe killed my stomach again and all I was able to do was the some more stretching and resting and I can tell you, it´s been terribly frustrating because I was afraid to lose that tiny little bit of flow that I had managed to again established quicker than it had come back.
But luckily it didn´t, even though then my vacations in Hohenpeißenberg came and that meant no swimming and cycling, but instead went for two runs with my stepdad and those runs were a tad longer than what I had done up until that point – not sure if it was a smart idea body wise, but my mind coped well and that really surprised me.
Returning after the Christmas vacations, I tried to slowly get back into some sort of “pre-trainingplan” habits, meaning firt tries to get used to regular and planned training sessions, and durations and intensities and all of this – only exception was still my running because I was still so damn afraid I might lose the passion for it again and that my head would go all nuts once more.
But it didn´t happen and it felt really good to have structured training back, I also enjoyed being back into the water and I loved that more than I would´ve guessed – but it´s also been quite a while since the last swim, shame on me. And that with my swim coaching just around the corner, and then I am totally out of shape…good times incoming!
The first two weeks, so until the last race cancellation of the year, I was still going strong, more or less – I was keeping up with my training schedule, even though I just had to face the fact that even before the hope of any race to happen had vanished. And there was this one moment where I just had to face it: I was simply not willing to invest so much time for…nothing.
Please, don´t start with “but you´re doing it for yourself and progess is not lost until next season” – I am not dumb, but damnit, it´s the second year without any race, where I had to keep myself artifically motivated. 24 bloody months. And I just had to pull the plug, because head and body just went into hiatus.
So during those two weeks that then followed I really didn´t do much more than occasional stretching, and all the traveling with sightseeing was at least some kind of a workout 😉
But it felt good, I had no trouble to let loose and just hang on the couch, with a movie, with binge watching a series…it felt like a totally unknown life. A good life. I´d lie if I told you it was not enjoyable, and I didn´t miss my training at all. That´s why I knew, that getting back to it was gonna be quite challenging, once I get used to being a couch potatoe again, getting back to grinding mode is a brainfuck…
October 2021
Running is THE trouble maker for me lately – the first two weeks right after my break running felt okay – not exciting, not making me too happy. But then my blockade kicked in again, and just putting on my running shoes literally made body and mind unable to really get into running, it just did not work and I am rather clueless how to get rid off these issues again. Maybe I need professional help, who knows. But I gotta work on that, I know that – just gonna give myself some more time to rest my head. And work on creative ideas to get going again.
Whilst I ended up only running for two weeks in October, I started going strong with indoor cycling again and somehow it feels good, surprisngly good to say the least. I always disliked it, but this year it´s all different, after hardly having sat on the bike for nearly all year. I feel like I have a lot of potential that I can unleash until next season, and so I try to push and challenge myself more and more, also during the coming months. I am motivated in a way that I´ve been motivated during winter season before!
My swim course is going strong and it feels so amazing to be back with my coach and getting rid off all the damned mistakes you got accompanied with during the corona and lockdown times – and believe me, there´s been quite some essential stuff that I needed to change again in regards of my technique, but I really do feel the progress and that´s what I´ve been so missing.
I more and more get the endurance that I need for next year, and also I get faster – the latter one is tiny babysteps but there is progress. Hard work, but the work I really enjoyed in October – I probably enjoyed it most from the three disciplines, because at least I don´t feel heavy in the water and don´t feel my weightloss there.
Last but not least, I am not regularily going to gym again to work on my leg strength (in case I have to do normal breast stroke during my compeititions and that weakens my legs for the coming disciplines) but also on my shoulders and back – my main weaknesses. This damn winter I will get strong, I promised that to myself. And I will sweat, swear and shed tears if needed to reach this!
You never need luck when you don´t stop 