As quite often…I am late, but this time I got an excuse since I was in France since last Thursday until yesterday and was busy with seeing concerts of Apocalyptica – so no chance to be writing this blog entry in the hotel. Always busy, as you know me ^^
// Listened to // A lot of Apocalyptica because of the three shows – one time it was terrible, and the other two was great. I think the best thing was hearing Tipe sing “Path Vol. II” because they had never played it live (except for twie with Sandra, original singer of the song) back in the very old days. So this was like…a wow effect.
// Done // Traveling! Bus, plane, train, car. I´ve dont it all 😉 First off to Paris by plane, then from paris to Nancy by train, then by car to Rouen and Lille and then from Lille to Hamburg it was bus and train…I am so sick and tired of any kind of public transport xD
// Eaten // From Wednesday to Sunday clearly not enough – and nothing warm anymore after I had left on my France trip, which more and more made my stomach and whole body struggle and get weaker. Not smart, but at times you do not have the chance to eat warm or don´t feel like it and then booom, time flies by and you realize too late that you should have eaten differently.
// Thought // That I have seen the worst Apocalyptica show out of those 39 that I have seen so far. And to be fair, I was embarassed about the show at Nancy on the Rocks – nothing had really worked in my opinion, but well, it is something to clearly forget. but it made me think about if it makes sense to continue the trip and also still go to Karlsruhe coming Thursday or rather just drop it…I decided on going…which I think was the right choice in the end 😉 So sometimes thinking is not that evil ^^
// Happy about // Being out of Hamburg for a few days – this city at the moment kinda resembles a dark cloud over my head, it is literally a Shadowmaker for me. Being out of there is good and also just at least partially being able to forget about all the hassle and problems and everything. You gotta ignore reality and real life once in a while 😀
// Read // Nothing pretty much, except if reading things about how to sew certain things is considered proper reading 😉
// Angry about // My anxieties. This fear of losing people dear to me – no matter if death or “just” not interested in me anymore – is growing again. And that even with people that have proven over the past decade that there is no need for any kind of fear because rumors, lies and whatever that could have broken things down did not change a thing. But this clearly shows how fragile I currently am and how I feel like everything can be gone in just a blink of an eye. And I freakin hate it that it gets me so badly as it seems!
// Wished for // Being able to turn off the mind. And that wish partially came true, but I feel like I cannot let loose anymore properly and that in the back of my mind there is always fears and worries just waiting for the perfect moment to come up again. But seeing Apocalyptica gave me this feeling to be just okay the way I am. And it is so important to me that people show me exactly this right now.
// Dreamt about // Really creepy stuff because of being emotional all week long and then the shows of Apocalyptica kinda made it even worse…it was messy nights with confusing dreams and waking up wondering if I wanna fall asleep again at all or rather should be staying fully awake…
// Bought // A pendant that Paavo from Apocalyptica made. Since Nancy I have been wearing it every day, as a reminder on all the great times and all the strength their music and everything around this gave and gives me. A strength giver, and hopefully also a lucky charm.
// Clicked // Google Maps. I am a hopeless case with reading any kinds of maps or remembering where to go, so I used Google Maps everywhere where I went. And it saved my ass pretty much ^^